Back from the Brink
by ChaosLilKat
Summary: SEQUEL TO A POINTED JOURNEY. Read that one first :) In this story Team Arrow helps Sam recover from Dean's death and being pulled into hell. Oliver is forced to embrace his darker nature to help Sam control his. (Warning : very emotional)
1. Chapter 1 Motels and Mourning

Back from The Brink

Chapter 1

Felicity was enjoying a little time at home. Oliver was out of town on some business for the clubs and Diggle was with him so she had decided to sleep in late and maybe do some clothes shopping. She had seen some new shoes that she wanted but she had nothing to wear with them and that had to change. She was just rolling out of bed around 11 in the morning, lounging in sweats when she got an alert on the main computer screen.

It was an alert from the offshore bank account Oliver had set up for Vigilante Ventures when Sam and Dean were in town. He had to apply a lot of pressure to set it up fast enough to get cards in one day. Once everything had calmed down after the demons Felicity and Oliver had finished setting things up the proper way. There were only 5 cards on the account, one each for Sam and Dean and the other three for her, Oliver and Diggle. She had set up alerts on Sam and Dean's cards after watching their spending habits for a few months. The alert was there to notify her of any changes. She figured Sam and Dean probably wouldn't call for help but watching how they spent their new found wealth would let her know when something was up. Diggle had told her about everything that had transpired at the warehouse fight after she had gotten him home that night. He had mentioned his concern about the demon referencing some sort of imminent demise for Dean so Felicity had decided to take some steps. She had also spent a great deal of time piecing together the lives of the Winchesters and she had passed ihat information on to Oliver and Diggle.

She had discovered about their mother's tragic death, how they had fallen off the radar after that. How the boys were never in the same school for more than a month tops; how they had traveled all across the country multiple times. Sam had somehow managed to maintain a straight A average and get a full ride scholarship to an Ivy League school through all of that. That had impressed all three of them immensely. She found out about the death of Jessica, how Sam had left school and that he and Dean had been traveling ever since. Usually under the most hideous of aliases that she had to attribute to Dean. She thought Sam would have had better taste or at least be more creative. All of this had confirmed Oliver and Diggle's initial impression of the men and had reinforced to Oliver that the brothers would never betray his trust. All this information had made Oliver feel even better that he had allowed Sam and Dean the chance to get a little peace and quiet and some luxury treatment in their lives. As the months passed though Oliver had thought less frequently of Sam and Dean, what with the constant new threats in his city and the business of running two clubs, or appearing to anyway. Felicity however had stayed concerned. She had had a feeling that Sam and Dean would be back in their lives at some point needing help. So when she saw the alert a cold shiver ran down her back.

Only one card was being used and it looked like they hadn't checked out of this particular hotel in a month, that alone was unusual. The Winchesters rarely stayed anywhere for more than a week. The hotel was located about 10 miles outside of Lawrence, Kansas, their hometown, that made Felicity sit up and take notice. She started scrolling through the purchase history of the last month, repeated transactions at the same liquor store and one or two fast food places. Lately the purchases had been mostly liquor store related. Unless they were paying cash it didn't look like they had bought food in the last week. Something was wrong, something was very, very wrong. She picked up the phone to call Oliver, hoping she wasn't too late.

Sam was pinned against a wall, Lillith opened the door breaking the line of dust that protected his brother. 'Sick'em boys. " she said in a giddy girlish voice. Dean started to scream, hideous pain filled screams and Sam couldn't help him. Over and over Dean screamed until blood started gushing from his chest. Sam woke up screaming, his throat sore from screaming. The people in the next room pounded on the wall, he ignored them and walked over the wreckage of half-eaten meals, empty cans and bottles to the mini fridge. He opened it and saw he was down to only a 12 pack of beer. That wouldn't last him the night, it was harder and harder to get drunk enough to sleep without dreaming. He grabbed the black credit card, stumbled to the liquor store and bought $100 worth of hard liquor. That would last him a couple of days. He walked back past the dust covered Impala to his room and started drinking.

"What do you mean something is wrong? " Oliver asked, he was in New York, meeting with some board members of a few charities. His clubs were doing well and he wanted to run some benefits at them for various causes not just The Glades. It was time to change the image of his family following his mother's trial. Plus it would help people invest in Queen Consolidated again as well.

"They've stayed in the same place for over a month and the last week have bought nothing but alcohol. I called the hotel and acted like a family member looking for someone and described Sam and Dean. The receptionist said Sam had been there a month but no Dean. He also said Sam was a drunk who they constantly got noise complaints about from him screaming in his room. Something is not right Oliver. I think Sam needs help." Oliver hadn't forgotten what the demon had said at the warehouse. He had also caught some undertones the night he had spent with them in the penthouse that Dean's life was in some sort of imminent danger. He hadn't pushed though at the time. Now he wondered if he should have.

"Ok, I'll be wrapping things up here today. I took the private jet. Can you call my pilot and tell him the closest airport? Also rent me a car please. I'll be there later tonight. " Oliver wasn't going to let Sam languish, he owed them too much for that.

Oliver arrived at the hotel. Calling it that was being generous, about 8 hours later. It was close to midnight, there was one flickering light in the parking lot which was really nothing more than a gravel filled open area. The motel looked like it had maybe 30 rooms tops, the billboard in front said they could be rented at an hourly rate. This was not starting out well at all. Felicity had told him what room number Sam was in but he didn't really need it, as the Impala was parked out in front of the door. Oliver barely recognized it. It was covered in dust, had several dents and looked like it hadn't moved in weeks, one of the back side windows had been busted out then taped over with a plastic bag and duct tape. Dean would have never left that car in that condition. Felicity was right, something was very wrong. He walked up to the door of Sam's room, there was a small amount of light coming from the bottom of the door. He was going to knock but thought better of it and turned the knob slightly. It wasn't locked, if they were on a job the door would have been locked tight. Oliver opened the door slightly and looked into the room, at first he thought Sam was dead. Sam lay facedown in torn up jeans, unmoving on a bed. He had a bottle of Jack dangling from one hand, his feet were filthy as if he had been walking around outside barefoot. Oliver saw all the garbage strewn about the room, the small table to one side was covered with books haphazardly placed on top of it. The slight bit of light was coming from the bathroom. It seemed as if there was only one lightbulb in the fixture and it was on it's last hours of life. As Oliver opened the door a bit more he caught his breath as he looked at the other bed. The covers were undisturbed. Oliver could probably bounce a quarter off the covers they were so tight. Laid out on the bed in some sort of a memorial was a shotgun, the Colt, an unopened can of beer, what appeared to be the keys to the Impala and a necklace that he had last seen around Dean's neck. Oliver closed his eyes and offered up a silent blessing. Dean was dead, that was the only explanation. Oliver opened his eyes and looked at Sam, how was he going to help him. Oliver ran through all the information that Felicity had dug up on the brothers and started seeing things from Sam's perspective. Their actual father had probably not been around a lot, Dean had probably been both father and brother to Sam. John Winchester had died suspiciously in a hospital when all three had been checked in after a violent wreck. Dean had miraculously recovered right around the same time as his father's sudden death. Oliver started adding a few things up. Did John make a deal to save his oldest son, just to have the oldest son make another deal to save his brother? If so where did that leave Sam? Sam had lost both his fathers, his brother and his fiance in the course of about 2 years. Oliver remembered how he felt when his father committed suicide right in front of him to give Oliver a chance at survival. He couldn't imagine feeling that amount of pain and loss over and over again. True he had lost Shado but she was not family, it hurt but this was different. He had no idea how to go about this.

As he was standing there with the door partially opened Sam started twitching in his sleep. Small twitches and movements at first but they quickly became violent and he started talking.

" No, no take me not Dean! Take me! Oh God Dean! NO NO ! " he very quickly started screaming incoherently, his voice was hoarse from screaming. Oliver's heart wrenched in pain at the sound of the fear and desperation in Sam's voice. He had been there, of course he had been. The two were inseparable. Oliver quickly crossed the room, avoided Sam's flailing arms, picked up a book and stepped into the threshold of the bathroom. He wasn't willing to risk that Sam didn't have a gun under his pillow within easy reach and the bathroom was out of any reasonable line of fire. Oliver dropped the book on the ground, Sam shot up from the bed, gun in hand and pointed it at the door. Some reflexes are ingrained. Sam was breathing hard, the gun in his hand shaking almost uncontrollably. Oliver spoke softly

'Sam..Sam.."

Sam whipped the gun around, Oliver put his hands up..

"It's Oliver. " Oliver said.

"Dean?" Sam asked. Oliver realized he was backlit so all Sam could see was a dark silhouette and he and Dean had a similar build.

"No, it's Oliver. " He saw Sam slowly process the information. Now that Sam was facing him he could see how ravaged he was. Sam had probably lost 15-20 lbs, he had dark circles under his eyes, his hair was matted and tangled. His eyes were completely bloodshot and were barely able to focus on anything. Oliver could clearly see his ribs and he was losing muscle mass. Last time Oliver had seen him Sam was in great shape, his muscles well defined. Now his arms looked thin and weak and his shoulders were hunched forward, like he had been spending hours stooped over.

"Oliver…..Oliver Queen? " Sam asked.

"Yes. "

"Oh. Did I hit my limit on the cards? If you want to take them go ahead. " Sam put the gun down, took a long drink from the bottle, laid down and turned his back to Oliver.

"No the cards are fine. I came because Felicity noticed you had been here for awhile and she was worried. " Oliver walked over to the table and looked down at the books. From what he could make out it looked like Sam was researching souls and hell. It was too dark to clearly make out the words but the drawings were vivid enough that Oliver got the idea.

"Tell her thanks, sorry to disturb you all but I'm fine." Sam replied in a muffled tone.

'Yes I can see that. " Oliver replied. He needed to get some sort of reaction from Sam, needed to make him move. He knew better than to ask what happened though. Sam rolled over at Oliver's tone and stared at him.

"I don't need pity, I don't need to be saved, I just want to be left alone. "

" I am not pitying you. " Oliver replied. "However I am not going to help you to commit slow suicide by drinking yourself to death either. "

"Fine. " Sam said a little heat in his voice. " Take your cards and leave. " Oliver had an idea.

"No, not good enough. I gave those to you and Dean to use to cover your travel expenses when need be. Felicity tells me that you have spent about $3000 on this room and alcohol. As that was not the intended use of these cards I want to be repaid. " Oliver said in a somewhat harsh tone. "You can do that in one of two ways, you can come with me or you can give me the Impala. I'll restore it and sell it. It should be worth at least that and I am sure someone will put her to better use than you have been. " As Oliver hoped, that turned the trick. Sam stood up or at least tried to, he was swaying way too much and had to lean against the wall.

"Don't you dare touch that car. " he said.

"Why not? You're not touching her. " Oliver made as if to move to the bed and get the keys. Sam tried to block him.

"Oliver, I'm warning you…" Sam said with a threatening tone.

'Or what? You'll asphyxiate me with your disgusting breath. You can't stop me Sam. Your choice, come with me or I take the car. "

"I'll take option C, I am not going and I am keeping the car here." Sam took a swing at Oliver. Oliver ducked out of the way, let Sam overbalance, pinned Sam's arm behind him and shoved him out the door hard enough that Sam fell face first into the parking lot. Oliver grabbed the keys, making sure not to disturb anything else and headed to the Impala. He heard Sam get up and try to rush him. Oliver allowed Sam to pin him against the wall. Sam raised a hand in preparation to punch Oliver in the face.

"Give me the keys Oliver. Now!" Sam said

"Sam, look at her. Is this how she should be cared for? " Oliver said softly. Oliver glimpsed at Sam's arm that was pulled back to punch him and he noticed a new, jagged scar that ran up Sam's forearm. It ran from Sam's wrist to inside his elbow. Sam saw Oliver's eyes fall on the scar and Oliver saw shame cross Sam's face. Sam had tried to kill himself. Oliver had to get him out of here tonight. Sam saw that Oliver realized what had happened and his gaze hardened. "Sam, is that how you treat the only home you and your brother knew for most of your lives? You leave her covered in dirt with a broken window? " Oliver didn't want to mention Dean as he was afraid that would make Sam shut down again. Sam turned his head slowly to look at the Impala. It was if Sam felt he was undeserving of looking at the car anymore, like she was a lover or family member he had betrayed. The light wasn't great but it was good enough that Sam could see the inch or two of dust on the car, he saw the broken window and saw the dents. His breath caught in his throat, he choked back a sob. Slowly lowering his arm he leaned against the wall and into Oliver.

"Fine, you win, take me where ever. I don't care. " Oliver put his arm around Sam to help support him and they walked back to the room.

"Sam, go take a shower. I'll clean up this place a bit before we leave. " Sam barely nodded, shuffled into the bathroom and shut the door. Oliver felt like he had just beat an abused dog and he didn't like it. He started thinking, he wasn't going to leave the Impala here, he hoped eventually Sam would be willing to drive it again. He flicked on the room light and was sickened by the room. There was half eaten, rotting food everywhere, Sam's clothes were thrown about, who knew last time he had done laundry. The only clean spot was the other bed. Oliver walked over to the bed and touched his hand lightly to the pendant on the necklace. "I'll take care of him Dean, I promise. " He said. As he looked around he saw Sam's cell phone and had an idea. There had to be someone else that the brothers talked to and Oliver needed to know how bad Dean's death had been. He flicked open the phone and saw a long list of calls from a contact named Bobby and Sam hadn't been answering. Oliver took a risk, stepped out of the room but left the door open so he could hear when Sam turned off the shower. He dialed the number. Someone answered on the second ring.

"Sam! For God's Sake boy answer your damn phone. " An older grizzled voice said, he definitely sounded backwoodsy Oliver thought and very concerned.

"This is not Sam, sorry, I'm Oliver. A friend of Sam's "

"Is Sam ok? How'd you get this phone?" Bobby asked

"Look Bobby, I don't have a lot of time here. Sam is alive, but I wouldn't say ok. I got wind that something was wrong and came down to see. " Oliver said.

"Wait Oliver...Oliver Queen? Rich Vigilante? " Bobby asked.

"Yes, I gave them access to an account for business expenses so to speak. I was alerted that their habits had changed so I am here. I need to know what happened to Dean. Sam has turned into a suicidal alcoholic and I need to help him. " Oliver figured if he emphasized the threat to Sam this man would stop asking questions and start answering them. Oliver heard a heavy sigh from the other end of the phone.

'The short version. About a year ago Sam was killed, Dean went to a crossroads demon and made a deal. Sam comes back from the dead but Dean dies and his soul gets dragged to hell in a year. That year ended a month ago. Sam watched the hellhounds rip Dean to shreds and drag his soul to hell. There wasn't anyway he could stop it. They tried believe me, Sam tried to sell his soul in trade but no demon will touch it. I'm guessing they have Dean and Sam where they want them. Suffering and not hunting. " Bobby said. Oliver was horrified, he remembered seeing Shado shot when he didn't choose fast enough. He knew enough about demons though to know that Dean's death had not been quick. They would have made sure he suffered in front of Sam.

"Bobby, as far as you know what is the point of hell? " Oliver had a sickening thought.

"To turn a human being into a demon through torture. Once a soul cracks it starts torturing other souls and enjoys it, then it becomes a demon. " Bobby replied in a grave tone. Oliver had remembered the demon saying something just like that at the warehouse. Sam knew that Dean was being tortured into becoming that which they had hunted. How was Oliver going to get him past that?

"Bobby, thank you for the information. I am going to take Sam home with me. I will get him past this somehow. I will keep you updated as it seems you care for him. " Oliver said

"Oliver, those boys are the closest things I have to sons. I've lost one of them, I don't want to lose the other. " Bobby replied, his tone close to tears.

"Understood and you won't. " Oliver hung up , memorized the contact number to put in his phone later and put Sam's phone where it had been. He then walked to the reception desk and asked for trash bags.

"You helping that guy in room 15? " The night clerk asked.

"Yes, he's a friend. He has had a tough time lately. " Oliver replied.

"He seems like a decent sort for a drunk. I had to call the ambulance for him once though. He came out here one night and started punching that Impala, drove his fist right through the back window. Then he took a shard of glass and started slicing up his arm. Can't have people killing themselves in the parking lot. Not good for business. Good thing he was too drunk to put up much of a fight for the ambulance guys. He's a big dude, or was back then. He's not taking care of himself lately. " The clerk handed Oliver a box of trashbags and turned back to his TV.

Oliver turned and slowly walked back to the room. He started to think of the meaning behind those actions. Sam trying to commit suicide using pieces of the Impala. One of the few things other than his brother Dean had loved and cared for. That would be like Oliver stabbing himself with his own arrows. Death through love, killing yourself using the most important thing to you. Dean hadn't been able to let Sam die, Dean would have felt that he had failed to protect his brother. Now Sam was left with the fallout of that choice and there was no way to repay the sacrifice his brother had made, at least in Sam's eyes. Oliver would have to show him there was but it wasn't going to be easy.


	2. Chapter 2 Wisdom from the Past

Chapter 2 Wisdom from the Past

Sam stood in the shower, leaning against the wall, barely feeling the water hitting him. Nothing registered anymore, the last month was a blur, nothing mattered anymore. His legs slowly gave out, he slid down the wall and sat motionless until the water started to get cold. He felt his muscles start to shake as the cold water hit him, became aware of the goosebumps popping up on his flesh. Some stray thought popped in his head that he should turn off the water and get out, it was almost too much effort to do even that.

Diggle had found a hotel that had a small penthouse suite setup, basically two rooms joined by a bathroom. He and Oliver had already decided that if Sam was truly in bad shape they weren't going to leave him alone. Since there were three of them they needed the extra bed. Oliver had told him what Felicity said about the cards and how there had been no sign of Dean at the hotel. Diggle knew as soon as Oliver gave him that information what was going on with Sam. It had been Diggle's idea that Oliver go alone to check on Sam, when Oliver asked why all he told him was that it would be best. Oliver knew not to push and had headed out.

Diggle knew that Sam was going to be in a lot worse shape than Oliver thought and he knew that if the two of them showed up to intervene Sam would get belligerent. He would feel as if he was being bullied by the two men and that wouldn't help. Diggle knew because he had been through this both as the suicidal alcoholic and helping a fellow suicidal alcoholic. When Diggle had come back home from the war he had flashbacks, he had survivor's guilt, he had nightmares.

The VA just medicated him and told him to go talk it out, that did nothing. He, along with many other veterans, turned to drinking and eventually trying to stop the pain permanently. Diggle remembered screaming himself hoarse during nightmares of skirmishes where he had lost men, of seeing children getting blown up over and over again, women crying and screaming over bodies. He couldn't talk, not because he didn't want to but he literally couldn't. He dealt with the nightmares in his sleep. Why would he want to talk about them when he was awake? He didn't want to admit he was in pain, there was no one that would understand anyway. When he spoke of things to other veterans it seemed to just make it worse as more and more memories came up. So he shut up and started drinking, then drank more.

Then one day he woke up on the floor of a friend's house, his head feeling like someone kept dropping an anvil on it, his stomach heaving and his throat on fire. His friend made him dry out, watched him suffer through withdrawals and forced him to see how truly close to dying he had come. Several months later he had to do the same thing to another veteran that he had become friends with.

Now he was going to have to do it to Sam. He had already started collecting extra towels and sheets, he stocked the fridge with water and some of the cabinets with coconut water. Sam would be incredibly dehydrated and wouldn't be able to eat solid food for a few days. Diggle had gone out and bought some soups that he could feed Sam when he could eat again. It was going to be a long week and Oliver had to get back to Starling City. Oliver wasn't going to like having to leave Sam but Diggle wasn't going to give him a choice about it.

Oliver called Diggle while Sam was still in the shower.

"Dig, we have a problem here. Dean's dead. I don't think Sam has been sober in a month, he's just a shell of himself. On top of that he tried to commit suicide by trying to slice his wrist using pieces of the back window of the Impala which he punched right through. I'm out of my depth here. " Back in his playboy days Oliver had been drunk quite a few times, but never for a month straight; besides that was drinking for fun, not for self-destruction. He had no real idea of what Sam was going to need but he knew he had to get back Starling City, they had been closing in on the Mirakure serum and he couldn't let the leads get cold.

"You'll need to leave him here with me for about a week. " Dig said.

"Wait, a week? " Oliver didn't like the idea of being without backup for that long. He already had one brush with death tracing down this serum. If Diggle hadn't been there to carry carry him back to Arrow HQ he wouldn't have made it.

"Maybe it will teach you caution and strategic thinking. You really do tend to rush into things. " Diggle said. Oliver heard the smirk in his voice.

"Thank for the critique. Why a week? " Oliver wasn't doubting Diggle's assessment he just needed to understand the reasoning behind it.

"I've been on both sides of this. It will take him about 2-3 days to work all that alcohol out of his body, following that will be a day or two of feeling like he's being run over repeatedly by a train. Then I have to get him emotionally stable enough to want to function again. Trust me, he'll need a week before he can travel. Oh and leave the Impala here. One of two things will happen, if he shapes up fast enough we will drive it back to Starling, if not I'll make him clean it up and we will ship it. This is a long hard road Sam has to walk down Oliver. To put it simply, he's on his own hellish island right now and he needs to find a reason to survive. " Diggle's tone was somber.

"Should I have Felicity ship some of those herbs that counteract toxins?" Oliver asked.

"No." There was no give in Diggle's tone. " He has to feel the pain of this, he has to realize how far gone he is. If he wakes up in the morning and feels normal he will just go right back to drinking. Trust me on this. "

"I do. I just feel bad that he has to suffer this much." Diggle heard the sympathy and concern in Oliver's voice.

"I know, but this is how this has to happen. "

"Ok, well I'll stay tonight and till tomorrow evening. It sounds like you may need the help watching him. Then I have to leave. I'll bring him to the hotel tonight. We will have to move the Impala over there tomorrow somehow. " Oliver heard the shower being turned off. "I have to go. See you soon Dig."

The water had been turned off but Oliver heard no movement. He waited a few minutes, he really wanted Sam to come out on his own. Oliver didn't want to literally drag Sam out of here. He spent the time starting to pick up cans, bottles and rotting food and throwing it all in the trash bags. After what seemed like an eternity the bathroom door opened. Sam had a towel around his waist and he was leaning heavily against the door frame. Oliver kept picking up the trash but kept an eye on Sam. Sam's eyes fell on the bed where he had placed the little memorial to Dean and Oliver saw a shudder run through his body.

"Oliver, I'm" he paused " my bags are over there. Would you please hand them to me? I think I have some clean clothes still in them. " Every word that came out of Sam's mouth seemed as if it was being dragged from a place of deep pain, like he had almost forgotten how to actually talk.

"Of course Sam." Oliver walked to the other side of the bag and saw three bags, he really didn't want to pick up the wrong one.

"Mine doesn't have the broken buckles. " Sam saved him. Oliver found the bag and walked over to Sam to hand it to him.

"Thank you." Sam turned back into the bathroom and shut the door. Oliver heaved a huge sigh of relief. It was a start, however small.

Sam walked out a few minutes later in some jeans and a tshirt. He walked a few steps and then just stopped. He couldn't comprehend anything past the fact that he needed to get dressed after taking shower, he looked at the empty bed again and started to head to the fridge to get another drink. Oliver stopped him.

"Sam, we need to get going. I have a room at another hotel and you're coming with me. "

"I can't drive, and no one else drives the Impala but De…." he couldn't even say the name.

"I have a car, we will come get the Impala tomorrow. It will be fine. We can't leave the guns laying out like this. Can you get them? " Oliver didn't want to touch them, he knew Sam saw them as something almost sacred at this point.

"Yes, we can't leave them out. Cops might find them. " he stumbled over to the bed and picked up the guns. pulled the necklace over his head and slowly picked up the Impala keys. Oliver picked up the books and bags, they walked out of the room to Oliver's rental. Sam got in the passenger side and Oliver put the bags and the books in the back seat.

"Hang out here for a minute I'll be right back. " Oliver told Sam and then he walked to the night clerk's window. .

"Here is $300 for the shape the room is in. I cleaned it up as best I could. " Oliver looked at the clerk and the clerk looked up at Oliver. Oliver shifted his stance a bit, looked the clerk directly in the eyes, then watched as those eyes got wide with fear. "I will be back for that car tomorrow. If it has been touched in any way I will hunt you down and take whatever damage has occurred out of your hide. Do you understand me? " Oliver had gotten plenty of experience threatening people as of late, this clerk was hardly worth the effort but he wanted to make things crystal clear.

The clerks eyes went even wider and he shrunk back against the back of his chair.

"Of course sir. I understand perfectly. "

Oliver turned on his heel and walked to the car. He opened the door, slid in next to Sam and drove out of the parking lot. He turned and looked at the Sam. Sam's eyes were utterly vacant, there was no thought or emotion showing in them at all. Oliver looked back at the road and thought that a week may have been an optimistic assessment.

They pulled up to the hotel, tucked the guns in the bags, grabbed everything and walked in. Sam just followed Oliver, didn't say anything or do anything unless he was instructed to. Oliver hoped Diggle would be able to help Sam out because he felt helpless.

They arrived at the door and Oliver knocked, he didn't have a free hand to unlock the door. Diggle opened the door and the two of them walked in. Oliver put the bags and books down and Sam just stood there.

"Sam. " Diggle said "Put the stuff on the couch. " Sam did as he was told then he looked around the room and saw a fridge. He walked to it and opened the door expecting to find alcohol. All he found was water. He turned around, and there was a tinge of anger in his eyes.

"I agreed to come here, I didn't agree to some sort of AA intervention. I am fine. I am going to the bar and get something to drink. "

"With what money Sam?" Oliver asked. He had grabbed all of Sam's fake cards and the two Vigilante Ventures card before Sam had gotten out of the shower.

"Oliver, John. You are neither my father nor my brother. I do not have to listen to you or respect you. Give me what is mine. " Sam's voice was rough with anger and a desperate need. Diggle stepped between Sam and Oliver.

"Sam, you don't have to respect us, but you are not going to get another drink. " Diggle had to establish that ground rule now and he wanted Sam to focus on him, not Oliver. Oliver could easily take Sam out but that wasn't the point of the exercise. Sam needed a target, not a friend right now and Oliver didn't understand that yet but Diggle did.

"Oh that's right. You're the bodyguard. All of sudden Oliver needs you to protect him from something? I remember him saving your ass back at the warehouse, you were useless." Diggle sensed Oliver tensing up behind him and he motioned for Oliver to relax.

"Yup, I'm the bodyguard. You shouldn't talk though. If I remember it right you and Dean were in the same boat. " As soon as he heard Dean's name Sam flinched. " Guess you were useless too, stuck there watching as we all got cut up. " Oliver winced, he hadn't told Diggle about Dean being cut up and dragged to hell. Sam's face took on an aspect that Oliver never hoped to never see again. There was hate, anger, pain and a desperate need to strike out at anything. His bloodshot eyes were both full of tears and anger and his lips curled in a savage snarl.

"How dare you, you bastard! " Sam launched himself at Diggle, Oliver dived over the beds to clear space for the two of them. There was no skill on Sam's part , he just started swinging at Diggle, his hits coming faster and faster as he screamed incoherently. Diggle for his part just took the hits and blocked. He knew Sam needed to feel the impact of those hits. It was the only way to work through the pain right now. After a few minutes of this Sam started slowing down, he was breathing hard and his eyes were losing focus, he took a swing and almost fell into Diggle's arms. Diggle shifted Sam's weight and laid him on the bed closest to the bathroom door. He knew the next part was going to involve Sam bolting into the bathroom and retching his guts out. He had to give Sam credit, for being drunk off his ass he could still land some serious hits. He motioned to Oliver to follow him to the other room.

Oliver for his part felt like he had just been in a fight, the raw emotion from Sam flowed through the room and spiked his adrenaline. He had no idea how fast the mood swings were going to be and he felt even worse for having to leave Diggle to deal with this alone. He felt completely drained after less than 15 minutes of this torture, he had no idea how Dig was going to get through this.

"How are the arms? Sam wasn't pulling any power. " Oliver asked

"They'll be sore as hell tomorrow but it's ok. Nothing's broken so it doesn't matter. Tell me why he got so upset when I mentioned us being ripped to shreds. I was trying to provoke him but not that much. " Diggle said.

"When I was at the motel, I checked his phone. I am going to write this number down for you before I go. There's a guy named Bobby, apparently he's like family to Sam and Dean. He had been calling for weeks and Sam never answered. You should have heard how relieved and angry he was when he got a call from Sam's number. I called him because I needed to know how Dean had died. I had meant to tell you but got sidetracked. From what Bobby said Sam had actually been killed a little over a year ago, Dean found some crossroads demon thing and made a deal. Sam comes back in trade for Dean's soul in a year. Last month was the end of that year.

Apparently they send hellhounds to collect your soul and they tear your body to shreds. Sam watched it all. Here's the worst part about it all. According to what these guys believe the purpose of hell is to torture human souls to the point where they break and start doing the torture. Once they break the soul slowly turns into a demon. So in Sam's mind, Dean is being tortured into becoming what killed his mom, his fiance, his Dad and ultimately Dean in the end. They are turning his brother into his enemy. " Oliver watched as Diggle's face registered the ultimate horror of this situation. Diggle leaned back on the couch, put his head in his hands and sat there for a minute.

"Shit, shit, shit.." was all Diggle could say for a minute. "Even if we get him sober and get him moving, the only thing he has to live for is revenge. Maybe we should have left him in the motel, that's a better existence than what he has to look forward to. "  
"You're not serious John." Oliver was shocked

" In a way I am. Oliver, I know you're not into religion but that doesn't matter right now. There is no escape from hell, unless some crazy miracle happens. Sam knows that eventually Dean will break, he knows that. Dean can't kill himself to thwart his torturers, or create a resistance movement. There is literally no other ending to this story. Sam fears that one day he will be shooting his brother with that Colt. To Sam the only way to free Dean now is to kill him again" Dig leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes.

Oliver hadn't thought things through to their ultimate conclusion but now that Diggle had laid it all out in front of him he had to agree with him. Oliver couldn't think of a single thing to say. After a few minutes Oliver spoke.

"So what do we do? Take him somewhere and let him rot? That's not right Dig and you know it. "

"I know Oliver. What we have to appreciate is that he may not want to be saved, he may not be able to find a reason to come back from this."

Ironically it was Dean's voice that came to Oliver. "You did the best you can, but you can't save everyone." Dean had told him that when trying to comfort Oliver about his failure to save Shado and Yao Fei. Dean had known what was coming, maybe he was trying to tell Sam that as much as Oliver. Then he remembered something else Dean had said. "We all have scars, they remind us that doing what we do costs us so we don't forget. The only people that don't have scars are the people that never try to make a difference." He thought about that scar on the inside of Sam's arm and he had a beginning of an idea of how to make Sam want to survive this.

"Diggle, get him functional and bring him to Starling. If we can get him that far I think I can get him the rest of the way. " Oliver said, with a bit of hope in his voice.

"What? How? "

"Remember how I told you not to underestimate Dean? Dean knew what was coming and I think he was trying to get through to Sam when the three of us talked that night. I'm not sure it will work but it's worth a shot. "  
"Ok Oliver," Dig said "I'll get him functional." Then they heard Sam run into the bathroom and start retching. It was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3 Hard Choices

Chapter 3

Oliver looked around the room and noticed there were large amounts of extra sheets and towels, and the 4th bed had been stripped of it's comforter. Oliver spotted the missing comforter by the bed that Dig had set Sam down on. He looked at Diggle, waved at the extra supplies, asking a silent question.

"He's going to sweat through sheets like crazy in a few more hours, then the cold chills will set in. I have some towels already in the fridge cooling for when he gets done puking, water, coconut water and some soups. " Diggle explained, he saw Oliver's face get that questioning look when he wants to ask but knows he shouldn't push. "As I said, I have been on both sides of this. Someone did this for me a few years back, then I had to do the same thing for a friend. " The sounds of retching had stopped. Diggle went to the fridge to grab a cool towel and went to check on Sam, Oliver followed.

Sam was laying on the floor curled up in as small of a ball that he could make. Diggle flushed the toilet, then he reached down and wiped Sam's face with the cold towel.

"Dean? I'm sorry…" Sam muttered and started trying to move.

"Hang on Sam, I got you." Diggle said. He leaned down and placed Sam's arm around his shoulder taking most of Sam's weight and the two slowly walked back to the bed. Diggle pulled the sheets up around Sam's waist, placing the cold washcloth on Sam's forehead. He looked at Oliver and walked back to the couch that sat across from the beds.

"You may as well get comfy, he'll bolt up from that bed again in another hour or so probably." Diggle said. Sam started thrashing again, caught in the grip of another nightmare.

Over the course of that long, torturous night Oliver and Diggle watched as Sam fought demons, vampires, werewolves over and over. Several times he called out Jessica's name both in love and in horror. Whenever the dream seemed to involve Dean's death tears came streaming out of Sam's closed eyelids. There were several times that either Oliver or Diggle had to hold Sam down to keep him from ending up across the room on the floor as he tried to fend off the horrors of his past. The two men had found themselves bodily carrying Sam once or twice to the bathroom and aiming his face at the toilet when he started to vomit mid-nightmare. Oliver had never been so exhausted in his life.

Oliver had his fair share of nightmares, so did Diggle but nothing would ever to compare to the snippets of things they heard from Sam's mouth that night. Both men would never look at the world the same way. Vampires ripping throats out, women shapeshifting into ravening wolves, spirits that yanked out people's hearts, demons slicing open women's stomachs and setting houses on fire. Oliver was beginning to understand Diggle's statement that Sam may not want to come back. It seemed that with Dean's death Sam's mind had shattered. He was sure that before Dean had died both men had had nightmares but they always had the knowledge that the other one was there which provided a stabilizing factor. Without Dean, Sam had no stability, no support, nothing. All that remained was a mind filled of horrors now capped off with the fact that his brother was being tortured endlessly. Oliver had no idea what or who could fill that void for Sam. As the hours passed and Sam sweated, screamed and cried Oliver was less and less certain that he could help Sam at all. It was about 6 in the morning when Oliver finally had to leave the room and try to think. Sam seemed to be peaceful at the time and Diggle had dozed off. Oliver grabbed Sam's cell phone, went into the adjoining room and closed the door. The only person who could help Oliver help Sam was Bobby. Oliver flipped open the phone and called Bobby.

"Is this Oliver or Sam? " Bobby said in a sleepy voice.

'It's Oliver, sorry if I woke you." Oliver said.

"No apologies needed. It's not like I sleep much these days anyway. How's Sam?"

"Honestly, I don't know. A friend and I have been with him all night. Between the vomiting and the nightmares we've all had a rough night. Sam's been drinking for about a month so we are trying to get him dried out. Bobby I need to know, without Dean how strong is Sam? I had a few thoughts on how to get him moving but it seems as if Sam's mind is shattered. I don't know how hard I can push or if I even should. Would it be kinder to just leave him be? " Oliver's voice was filled with concern and a little desperation. He felt an obligation and a kind of kinship to these men. If things had turned out a bit differently it could just as easily be him on that bed as Sam. There was a long pause on the other end of the phone.

"Oliver, I've known those boys since they were kids, I knew their father too. John, that's their dad, was an obsessed man. He ran those boys like a military man would. He trained them to fight, to shoot and to hunt when they were still in grade school. Both of them could take out men twice their size by the time they were in middle school. John's whole goal was to find the demon that killed his wife Mary, he spent so much time and effort doing that he forgot the boys were boys.

Dean was old enough to remember Mary, his mother. Dean carried Sam out of the burning house after John thrust him into his arms and told him to run. Sam was barely 6 months old when it happened. Dean understood John's obsession, he may not have always agreed with it but he tried so hard to be the good son. His main job was to protect Sam. John told him that over and over. Sam was always the questioner. He always wanted to know why, he wanted to have that normal life, he didn't know why they always had to move. As they grew older Sam resented the wandering life more and more, he and John fought constantly. Dean always ended up stuck in the middle, he didn't want his family to fall farther apart. When Sam got accepted to that fancy college, the last thing John told him was that if he walked out the door to go to school don't ever come back. "

Oliver remembered his own childhood. He didn't have to try to get into college, the Queen name got him in. Sam must have been so excited when he got accepted with a full scholarship. Then to have his father disown him over what he had worked so hard to accomplish. Oliver couldn't even comprehend the level of pain that would have caused.

"John was actually proud of Sam though he never said it. John's problem was that he knew too much, he knew about demons and all the creatures that no one wants to admit. He wasn't mad at Sam, he was afraid for him. He was afraid for Sam to be where he couldn't see him, see that he was ok. Sam didn't understand at all. Sam left and for about 2 years they didn't talk. John and Dean checked in on Sam but as far as I know Sam left and cut himself off from his family. Then John disappeared, he was closing in on the demon that killed Mary and got in trouble. Dean went and got Sam, Dean needed the help. The way I heard it was Sam agreed to go for a weekend and try to find John, by the time they got back the demon had killed Jessica and since then Sam and Dean have been hunting.

There's a lot more I could go into but that's neither here nor there. In answer to your question, Sam is not weak. He struck out on his own with no money, no family and tried to lead his own life. He was in the top of his class at that school and he did it all on his own. If Dean hadn't pulled him into hunting he'd be a rich attorney somewhere. What's causing the problem now is what I call the Winchester idiocy. They care too much, they don't know how to let go. It sounds harsh to say it but John should have let Dean die. The guilt from his dad trading his soul for his ate Dean up. He knew John's soul was being tortured so when Sam got killed Dean saw a chance to make things right in his mind. They all love each other so much that they don't realize that their choices have destroyed them.

What you need to make Sam realize is that just because there may be a way to save someone doesn't mean you should. Sam needs to accept defeat, none of the Winchesters ever could. For god's sake, John gave his soul to the demon that killed his wife and Sam's fiance to save Dean. He could have just killed the thing right then and there, buried Dean who probably wouldn't have ended up in hell and him and Sam could have gone on with their lives. You need to make Sam see that Dean wouldn't want to see him suffer, accept Dean's sacrifice as something that has honor to it and get over the guilt. I've been trying to explain that for about a year now and it's like talking to damn brick wall. " He heard the sound of Bobby taking a drink. "I wish you the best of luck Oliver but I'm not sure Sam will see reason. No one else if his family ever did. "

Oliver took in all this information and it solidified his earlier thought of how to help Sam but he wanted to run this idea by Bobby who knew the brothers far better than he did.

"Bobby, if I were to show Sam that his actions, guilt and self -destruction are actually aiding his enemies would that make him see reason? " he asked slowly.

"Possibly. There's been hints that Sam and Dean are part of a bigger plan on the part of the powers that be. If Sam thinks he is being used against Dean in some way he may stop feeling and start thinking. " Bobby replied.

"Thank you, that's what I needed to know. Let me give you my number as I will probably call you from it next time. " Bobby got some paper, Oliver gave him the number and hung up. He had heard movement behind him. It was Diggle.

"Get any help?" he asked Oliver.

"I think so. I need to get some rest are you ok to stay up for a bit? " Oliver had to get back out into the streets of Starling tonight we he returned so he had to get some rest while he could.

"Yeah, let me go get some coffee. Watch him until I get back. " Diggle headed out the door and Oliver returned the room where Sam was shaking under 2 comforters and three sheets. His cold chills had started, at least the vomiting part seemed about done. The nightmares seemed to be calming down as well.

He started thinking about what Bobby had said about the "Winchester idiocy" and how he could easily fall into that trap as well. If something happened to Felicity or Diggle he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would go to hell and back to save them. As soon as he had that thought he looked at Sam who's father and brother had done exactly that. When do you decide to let someone go? In this life he led you became incredibly close to those that fought with you to the point that they become a part of you. He'd rather lose his right hand then see Felicity suffer or Diggle get tortured or killed. He remembered his mother before her trial had reached some sort of peace within herself that allowed her to see past the immediate pain her death, if that had been the sentence, would have caused. She saw that in the end what she was doing would protect her family more than if she continued her lies and deceit. He didn't know the answer to the question but he knew that he would have to be more aware of the motivations behind his actions. He also started to see some of the wisdom in Slade's statement that caring about people can get you killed. It was a fine line to walk, to still care so you're not a cold, heartless killer but to be able to let go and accept that someone may have to die to accomplish the overarching goal. He watched Sam shiver under the covers, feeling helpless, until Diggle returned.


	4. Chapter 4 Reality Sets In

Chapter 4

Diggle walked back into the room and Oliver filled him in on the conversation he had just had. Diggle took everything in then told Oliver to get some rest.

Diggle laid down across the couch, he didn't want to curl up in the bed as he'd probably fall asleep. Sam seemed to be sleeping much more peacefully than before. Diggle figured his body and brain were too exhausted to really dream anymore. Diggle watched Sam's sleeping form as he processed what Oliver had told him. Talk about loyalty between family. He and his brothers in arms in the military had gone to some great lengths to protect each other but the Winchesters really knew no bounds when it came to trying to save each other. Yet in the end they had destroyed their family and Sam was left holding the wreckage. Bobby made a good point that sometimes saving someone is not always the answer, there had been times that he and others had had to make that choice to sacrifice someone or sacrifice the mission. He still had nightmares about those choices. Oliver hadn't had to face that yet and Diggle hadn't felt that Oliver was ready to think about those choices. Maybe watching Sam go through this would give Diggle a starting point for that conversation. He thought about what it had taken for Sam to choose school over his family and walk away from any support system he had. That took guts. Still though, to lose everyone important to him in the space of two years, that kind of loss could easily destroy that courage. He saw Sam struggling to open his eyes. Diggle grabbed a water bottle and some ibuprofen just in case Sam was sober enough to start feeling the monstrous headache that was going to hit sooner or later.

"Dean, why'd you let me drink so much?:" Sam said in a hoarse voice. "God I'm so thirsty. " Dean's presence in Sam's life was so ingrained that his brother was literally the first thing he thought of no matter what. Diggle handed Sam a bottle of water.

"Here Sam."

"Wait. John? Where am I? Where's…" It was painful to watch, this was probably the first time since Dean had been killed that Sam's mind hadn't been fogged with alcohol. Diggle watched those expressive brown eyes and saw the sorrow, realization and finally acceptance that Dean was truly gone settle into Sam's mind. His expression became one of utter defeat and guilt. Sam had tried and tried but had failed to save his brother. The one person in his life who had always protected him and saved him and the one time Dean needed him Sam had failed. Diggle saw Sam's hands start to shake as he took a drink from the bottle.

"The necklace that Dean always wore. Is it here? " Sam's eyes were filled with tears.

"Yes Sam, I'll get it for you. " Diggle had taken it off of Sam one of the many times they had helped him to the bathroom last night. He took it from the table where he had placed it and handed it to Sam. Sam stared at the necklace.

"I gave this to him when we were kids. We never really had a Christmas after Mom died. Dean would steal presents from other kid's houses to give me something. Half the time they were dolls or some toys for girls, sometimes though he got good ones. Anyway, I had saved up some money and got this to give to our Dad. He didn't show that Christmas, a job had run long so I gave it to Dean instead. He wore it ever since. " Sam put the necklace on and looked around and winced as some light hit his eyes.

"Holy shit! Ow! This is going to suck soon isn't it?" Diggle just handed Sam the ibuprofen and smiled a bit.

"Yeah, the puking was the easy part. "

"Oh. Was it bad?" Sam asked as an expression mixed with disgust and embarrassment crossed his face.

"Let's just say it's a good thing Oliver and I work out a lot. You're not exactly a small guy. "

Sam face looked a bit sheepish.

"Sorry about all of this. Is Oliver still here? How'd you guys find me? I don't really remember much. "

"Yeah he's here. He's sleeping in the other room. He has to leave tonight though, some things are heating up in Starling that he needs to attend to. " Diggle saw Sam try to get up. "Hey, you're nowhere near ready to move. You and I are staying here until you are functional. Oliver wants you to come stay at Starling for awhile.

Sam got a stubborn look on his face " No John, Oliver needs you to watch his back. I can take care of myself now." He hissed in pain, he had talked a bit louder and his head was starting to pound so the extra volume in his voice made it worse.

"Sam, you are in no shape to walk to the door of this hotel room much less drive. Oliver's capable of taking care of himself, he has Felicity to watch his back and tell him when things heat up. Besides, as I told Oliver he needs to think more and act less sometimes. I consider this a learning experience for him. It will be fine. Take the pills, drink some water and get some rest. " Diggle's tone brooked no debate and Sam had to agree with him. The thought of trying to stand made his stomach roil and heave.

"John...I don't know what to say. You guys didn't have to do this." Sam said in a whisper.

"First off, call me Dig. Second, Oliver, Felicity and I consider you and Dean family. We know how much you're hurting and we're going to get you through this. Now rest. " Diggle replied also in low tones. Sam's face was filled with gratitude, he nodded at Diggle, took the pills and laid back down.

Sam was recuperating a little faster than Dig had thought he would which was good. Well at least physically anyway, the rest they would have to wait and see. He had been in good shape when he started his drinking binge so that helped a lot. Now that the alcohol was out of his system, he should recover from the headache within a day or so. Although Dig made light of Oliver being alone he really didn't like not being where he could help him if it came to it. Sam seemed clear of the worst of it so Dig laid back on the couch and dozed a bit.

Although Sam's eyes were closed he wasn't going to be able to sleep any time soon. His body ached, his stomach burned from all the retching, his head was pounding and his mind would not slow down. It had been an effort just to bring that water bottle to his lips. Now that the fog of alcohol was gone Dean's death hammered at him but he had to get a hold of those emotions. Dean was dead, dad was dead, mom was dead and so was Jessica. Emotions threatened to send him running to the bathroom to puke again and he started to take deep breaths to calm himself. "C'mon Sam, think, think." He chastised himself, he couldn't remember any of the last month really and was scared to think about what he may have done. His arm itched and he scratched at it, there was a scar running along the inside of his arm. He never had a scar there before, as his fingers traced the length of the scar images slammed into his mind with crystalline clarity. Images of his fist flying into the side of the Impala, of shattering the window and, oh god. Fearfully he opened his eyes and looked at his arm. Skin puckered in a jagged line going from the inside of his wrist to his elbow. Oh God, he had actually gone that far. Shame filled him, he wasn't worth what his brother had done, he wasn't worth what Dig and Oliver were trying to do. He was a coward. Only cowards try to kill themselves. He couldn't cry anymore, there was nothing left to come out. A gaping emptiness opened up in his soul, a yawning chasm of darkness swallowed him, he lost himself in the physical pain of his body because it hurt less than his soul.

Oliver woke up, it was about noon. The fact that Diggle hadn't awakened him to help with Sam had to be a good sign. He walked into the bathroom and looked into the other room. Dig seemed to be asleep on the couch and Sam was sitting up in bed with his eyes closed. There was a couple of empty water bottles by the bed, that had to be progress. Oliver walked to Sam and touched his shoulder. He figured talking would probably hurt Sam's head. Sam's eyes opened and Oliver saw such self loathing in them. Sam must be starting to remember the last month. Oliver had hoped that would take a bit longer as his ideas to help Sam would require him to be in better shape.

"Oliver.." Sam said as quietly as he could. " Thank you. I know I abused your trust with those cards. I won't be able to pay you back. If you want the Impala as payment I understand. "

Oliver was stunned, that cost Sam a lot to say. Sam was offering his last remaining connection to his family to him. Oliver sat on the bed next to Sam and looked Sam directly in the eyes. He needed Sam to see what he was going to say next was not about pity.

"Sam, I appreciate what you are offering to me. I know what that car is to you. I don't need you to pay me back that way. Please come with Dig to Starling. You need time to deal with what happened, you need to heal. You can't heal being on the road. That's how you can repay me, allow me to help you heal. " Oliver hoped that Sam wasn't so filled with loathing that he had already chosen to give up.

"I can't, I'm not worth the effort. I'm a coward and I wouldn't want you to waste your time on me. " Sam held up his arm to show Oliver the scar. " Take the Impala please. " Oliver wanted to punch the hell out of Sam, this was happening too fast and Oliver wasn't sure what to say.

"No. You healing is the only payment I will take. I have an overabundance of material things in my life, what I don't have an abundance of are friends. " Then Oliver took a huge risk. "We all have scars Sam, the only ones who don't are those who never tried to make a difference. You can't save everyone." Sam looked as if Oliver was physically punching him by repeating the words that Dean had told to Oliver that night. "He knew what was coming down the road. He was trying to get through to you as much as me. Dean knew there was only one way this was going to end. You tried, you both did. He was trying to tell you that he understood that. "

Sam started shaking his head, trying to deny what he was hearing. "No, no, no. I can't, I just can't. I betrayed everyone by trying to kill myself. I can't go hunt anymore, I can't be normal, I can't do anything. I never could. " The phrases came out in short gasps.

"Sam, look. You and Dean, you were always there for each other, you helped each other, you loved each other. You're lost right now, I know a lot about being lost, trust me on this. You need time. You're coming with Dig to Starling. Don't worry about owing me or being a burden. You need this, Dean would want this for you. I am not trying now nor would I ever try to replace Dean believe me. I expect nothing from you in return except to give yourself time. Are we clear? "

Sam looked at Oliver and saw that his eyes held no pity. He saw that Oliver was offering this to him out of caring, not pity. He knew that he wouldn't accept any other answer, was stubborn enough and had the resources to find Sam if he went anywhere else. What other options did Sam have?

"Ok, but I won't stay longer than a month no matter what you say. I won't take further advantage of you and you have other concerns than a broken man in your life. That is my one condition. " Sam had to set some boundaries so Oliver would understand that at some point Sam may just have to be cut loose. Sam refused to let anyone else sacrifice their whole life for him, he wasn't worthy of that.

"I can accept that. " Oliver was actually pleased about the condition. It showed that Sam still had some self respect left. Hopefully it'd be enough to get him through this.

"Everything decided then? " Diggle said from the couch.

"Yes Dig I think so. "Oliver said. Sam's face was a mystery to Oliver at that moment. Perhaps Sam had realized he had something left in him but wasn't ready to admit it. "I think you guys will be ok without me now and I need to get back. " Oliver paused, but he figured Sam would look at his phone eventually. 'Sam I need to tell you something, when I found you I realized I was out of my depth. I took a risk and looked at your phone and saw that someone named Bobby had been calling you repeatedly. I called and spoke to him twice. He told me what happened to Dean in greater detail and a bit about your lives. I'm sorry if you feel that I overstepped my bounds. Bobby seems to care for you a great deal. "

Sam looked at Oliver. He couldn't really be mad, he would have done the same thing if roles had been reversed.

"No it's ok. Bobby's like a second dad. I should have been talking to him but I just couldn't. I'm glad he knows I am ok actually. I'll try to call him later when my head hurts less. I imagine the scolding I am going to get won't be done in whispers or soft tones. " Sam chuckled a bit but it hurt his head to move that much.

"Thank you for understanding. One more thing. The Impala is still at the motel. If you are ok with either Dig or myself driving it we can pick it up and bring it here. " Oliver was not going to assume that Sam was ok with anyone driving the Impala right now.

"Yeah, she needs to get out of there. I sure as hell can't drive. Take the keys and get her." Sam replied " Oh she's stock so no power steering and give yourself extra time to stop. She's a beast to drive but fun. Also you may want to turn the volume on the radio down unless you really like 80s rock. I think there was ½ a tank of gas left. I honestly don't really remember. "

"Well we're not too far and I saw a gas station on the corner so it should be ok." Oliver looked at Diggle, he remembered that he had admired the car.

"Sure, I'll go get her. I've wanted to drive her since the first night we met. " Dig got a huge smile on his face, got the keys and called a cab. He and Oliver still weren't too comfortable leaving Sam alone yet. Oliver called his pilot and told him was ready to head out as soon as they could. Sam leaned his head against the wall and thought of Dean's. He replayed memory after memory of Dean and him laughing, fighting each other, fighting other things, saving each other. "Dean, I don't know how I am going to go on. I don't know what to do." He thought. He remembered Dean's face when Sam had come back to life, how relieved he had been and how there had been an obscure sort of pain on Dean's face. After he had made his contract Dean had realized what he was setting Sam up for but all that had mattered to him at the time was that Sam would be ok a little while longer. Dean had held him so tight. Maybe Sam wasn't the only one who felt guilty and like he had failed. "You realized after that you were making the same mistake as Dad had didn't you. All the guilt and pain you had felt when dad died for you, you knew I was going to go through this. Damn it Dean, why couldn't you just let go? Why can't any of us? I can't let go either. I started hunting again because of Jessica. We're such emotional wrecks all of us Winchesters. I can't let go yet Dean, I can't accept that you are gone. I won't. " Sam thought. Sam slid back down to lay his aching head on the pillow and his last thought before he finally fell asleep was of that hug Dean had given him when he came back from the dead. In his mind Sam hugged Dean twice as hard and didn't let go for a long time.


	5. Chapter 5 Rebuilding Injured Friends

Chapter 5

The cab dropped Diggle off at the motel. He saw the Impala looking forlorn in the gravel lot. He whistled softly to himself as he looked at the damage Sam had caused. The receptionist came walking quickly out.

"Are you with that other guy? You have the keys to this right? If not I am calling the cops. The guy that was here last night threatened to beat the crap out of me if I let anything happen to this car." He blurted out.

Oliver must have decided to make an impression, Diggle chuckled a little at the thought of Oliver threatening some poor unarmed motel night clerk. "Yes I have the keys. "

"Good. Glad this whole mess is over. " The clerk said relieved and headed back to the little office.

Diggle walked up to the driver's side, saw the smashed out window and shook his head. If Dean saw this he would beat the living crap out of Sam. Diggle sort of wanted to do in Dean's stead. He unlocked the door, turned down the volume as warned and turned the key. Baby purred to life. "Oh man, this is one sweet ride. " Diggle was a little jealous of the brothers riding around in this car all the time. The gas gauge read ½ full and Diggle grinned a bit. He pulled out his phone and called Oliver.

"What's up Dig? "

"When is the plane going to be ready to go?" he asked.

"Pilot said about 2 hours why? "

"I'm going to take the long way back. This baby needs some road time. I'll fill the tank up on my way back, be there in about 45 minutes. " Dig replied, he was only 10 minutes from the hotel.

"Dig…" Oliver chastised.

"It'll be fine trust me." Diggle hung up the phone and pulled out of the gravel lot. He turned the radio on, "Highway to Hell" came on. Ironic choice of song he thought. Dean had maintained the Impala to perfection, the engine was smooth, she rode like a dream for a muscle car. Dig loved muscle cars, he and some friends back in the day used to restore them. He drove around the city for a bit enjoying the sound of the engine and the vibrations through the car. Modern cars didn't really purr like the old ones did. True to his word he pulled into the hotel parking lot about 45 minutes later, he regretfully turned off the engine.  
"Dean my friend, if Sam decides that he doesn't want to keep this car, I'll take good care of her for you. Don't worry about your Baby buddy, I got your back. " he said as he took another look at the dusty Impala. Sam was cleaning this car up before they went anywhere that's for damn sure. He turned and headed back into the hotel and up to the rooms.

He opened the door, Oliver had gotten some food delivered and Sam was still sleeping.

"Enjoy the drive?" Oliver asked.

"Oh yeah!" Dig said and put the keys on the table next to Sam's bed. He grabbed some of the food Oliver had ordered and they went into the other room and shut the adjoining door.

"He's recovering pretty fast. " Dig observed.

"Well at least physically anyway. Where do we want him to stay? I don't think the mansion is the best option. I'd have to explain why I am hiding all the alcohol and at some point he would run into Mom and Thea. Which would be awkward to say the least. " Oliver stated "The penthouse suite would be too easy for him to access alcohol, I'm not going to hold his money hostage forever. I was thinking the cabin by the lake we own. It's out away from everything and quiet and I can make sure there is no alcohol within easy access. There's no houses or restaurants for several miles and I think we can trust he won't try to drive drunk, if he was he would have been doing that already. "

'Who's going to stay with him? You can't be out there all the time and neither can I. " Diggle replied.

"Felicity could and we could go when we aren't busy. He might open up to her more and talk which I don't think he will do with us. . She won't be able to watch us as but she can show you how she monitors me or you could just shadow me when I go out."

Diggle considered the idea. Then he looked at Oliver.  
"What's your other reason? Those are all valid but there's something more." Oliver sighed, Diggle was too perceptive sometimes.

"After the Undertaking I ran to the island to clear my head and yes because I didn't want to fight anymore. I thought I was useless, my father's death a waste and that I wasn't worth the trouble to help. Sam said a lot of those things to me. He doesn't feel like he's worth saving. The island makes you face your inner issues fast or you get killed. I can't take him to the island but this is the next best thing. I'm waiting for the right time but I have to get him past the grief to the anger. Once I get to the anger I hope I can help turn that anger into resolve. It's the only idea I have. It's not about making him hunt again but at least making him see he is not worthless. I really don't care if he ever hunts another evil thing in his life. His family has done more than their fair share of that. " Diggle nodded.

"Ok that sounds better than any other option. Did you ask Felicity yet? " he asked Oliver

"No I wanted to run it by you first. I'll call her then I have to get going. " Oliver grabbed his phone and called Felicity. He had texted her a few times with brief updates on Sam but they had been too busy to really talk.

"Hi. I have a question for you." He said

"Sure, what can I help with?" She replied. Oliver explained the whole situation and asked what she thought about it.

" I don't really know him as well as you do. I guess I am ok with it as long as he is not drinking. I don't know if I can handle him drunk." she seemed a bit timid. Oliver looked at Diggle and told Felicity to hang on.

"Go explain this to Sam and see what he says. " Dig headed into the other room. He shook Sam awake.

"Is it time to leave Dig? I am not sure I am to moving yet." Sam said.

"No, we want to run something by you. Oliver has a cabin that he wants you to stay at. He and I aren't able to hang out with you all the time but we thought that Felicity might be able to spend some time there. She's nervous about you drinking though. We will purge the place before we get there but you'll have access to a vehicle so if you were motivated you could get plastered somewhere. Can we trust you to stay sober and not hurt or endanger her? " Diggle didn't like phrasing it that way but he had seen the damage to the Impala plus not to mention letting Sam whale on him for a few minutes. Felicity wouldn't stand a chance if Sam got angry or out of control.

Sam was hurt by the question but at the same time he understood why Diggle asked. He hadn't been in control lately and had taken it out on a lot of things. "Is she on the phone with you guys now? " Sam asked Diggle nodded. "Let me talk to her please. "

Diggle got the phone from Oliver

"Felicity, Sam wants to talk to you hold on." Diggle handed the phone to Sam.

"Hello Felicity." he said.

Felicity was shocked when she heard Sam's voice. He sounded so weak and tired but most of all in pain.

"Hi Sam. It's good to hear your voice. " She figured asking him how he was would be rather tactless.

"Thanks. Thank you for doing whatever you did to find me. I am sure you had a large hand in it. Look, I know that what you may have heard about my behavior lately, well it sounds pretty bad. I can promise all three of you that alcohol is really the last thing from my mind. Even the thought of beer makes me feel sick to whatever is left of my stomach. If you are willing to take the time to watch over me for a few days I would appreciate it and I promise you I won't do anything that would cause you harm. Ok? " his voice sounded so vulnerable.

'Ok Sam, I trust you." She said.

"Thank you." Then he gave the phone back to Diggle and closed his eyes again. His head was still pounding.

"Hey it's Dig. Everything ok? "

"Yes, I will help out however I can. I am not sure what to do though." She said.

"Just be there and listen if he talks, if not just let him rest. Here's Oliver back. "

Oliver took the phone from Diggle

'Thank you Felicity. I'll be back tonight. We can talk more then ok? "

"Ok, I'll see you then. " Oliver hung up the phone and stood up. It was time for him to go. He packed his clothes back up and stopped by Sam on the way out and touched his shoulder again.

"Sam, I 'm leaving. I'll see you soon. " Oliver said. Sam nodded his head

"Ok, safe flight."

Oliver looked at Diggle who just nodded at him. He had done all he could for now, he walked out of the hotel room and headed to the airport.

After Oliver left Diggle got into the other bed and actually fell asleep. He was pretty sure Sam wouldn't pull anything stupid at this point. Just in case he grabbed the Impala keys and tucked them under his pillow, Sam wouldn't be going anywhere.

Sam woke up a few hours later, his head had stopped feeling like a jackhammer was pounding on it. He actually felt a little hungry. He got up and saw that the guys had acquired some food earlier and put some away for him. As he dug through the fridge he found some salad and fruit and thought those were the safest choices for how his stomach felt. He found his phone and went into the other room. It was time he called Bobby himself.

Bobby answered on the second ring.

"Sam? " Sam smiled a bit to hear that familiar voice.

"Yeah it's me Bobby. "

"Why I should...God it's good to hear your voice." Rage fought with concern and relief in Bobby's voice.

"Your's too. I'm so…" Bobby cut him off

'Don't you dare say that. No apology will make up for the the last month. " Bobby snapped. Sam winced.

"Do you have any idea how worried I have been!? No one had seen you, no one knew where you were, you didn't answer your phone. I thought you had up and died. Then I get a call from your number and it's that rich vigilante guy saving your ass! You didn't have the guts to call me for help is that it? You run from the only person left that's close enough to you to be considered family and some guy from a job helps you! How do you think that makes me feel? Damn you self centered, idiotic Winchesters! You only think of your own selves, never about anyone else that might care for you! To top it off, he tells me you tried to kill yourself! How dare you after everything that happened? You know that sends you straight to hell! What you missed Dean so much you wanted to join him? Is that it!? "

The words sounded in Sam's head, dragging up all the emotions again. His breathing became ragged. "Bobby, stop please, please stop. " He started saying over and over. Bobby stopped mid rant.

"Damn it Sam. Breathe boy breathe. " Bobby's voice took on a more soothing tone.

Sam got control back, took a deep breath and started talking.

"Bobby, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't function. Dean was screaming for me to help and I couldn't reach him. Lillith had me pinned against the wall. She took over the body Ruby was in, opened the door and let the hellhounds in. After he...he stopped screaming I just….. I remember burying him, I remember arguing with you about burning the bones and that's the last thing I really remember until the other day when I woke up here.

We're in a hotel in Lawrence, I was staying in a crappy motel just drinking. I beat the Impala all to hell, broke one of the windows and who knows what else. Things are starting to come back now but I just, I wanted to forget, I wanted it to be me. I know, I know it's stupid and it's the Winchester curse, we love too much I know but it's true. I didn't want to hunt, I didn't want to do anything that reminded me of Dean. Maybe that's why I didn't go to you for help. Too many memories, I don't know. I didn't mean to put you through all that. I don't even know why I came to Lawrence, maybe I just wanted to go home. This is the first time I have been coherent enough to call you since we buried Dean. " God how it hurt to say that.

"Oliver and his people dragged me here and have been watching over me. I abused their trust with something they gave Dean and I but he's still here trying to help. Who knows why. I guess he really appreciated what Dean and I told him and our help on that job. He considers me a friend for some reason, maybe because Dean and I understood him better than most. Anyway, he wants me to go with him and stay at some sort of cabin for awhile to heal. Whatever that means. I told him I would only stay a month. Even if I am still a complete wreck at the end of it no one else is going to sacrifice their life for mine. Oliver has his hands full with his own life, he doesn't need me cluttering it up. " Sam stopped talking. He didn't know how to phrase the next part.

"I don't know if I should go, what good would it do? When I realized I had tried to kill myself. Bobby, I almost threw Dean's sacrifice in his face. I'm not worthy of anyone's help. I'm a coward. "

Bobby almost started yelling at Sam again but then caught himself. Sam didn't need to be pushed anymore than he had been. He was barely holding on as is. Bobby took a couple of breaths to settle himself down, drank some whiskey and started talking.

"Go, you need to go. Sam, listen. As much as I would love to be helping you through all this you have a point. Being here, around me, around research, around hunting. It would hurt too much. That part of your life was all about you and Dean. The two of you have been going non stop since Jessica got killed. Neither of you gave yourself time to deal with your Dad making his deal, then Dean goes and does the same damn fool thing. The demons and vampires aren't going anywhere and no one says you have to go hunt them anymore. Take time, breathe some, sleep with some women I don't know. Just don't start drinking again."

"You don't think I'm a coward Bobby? " Sam asked, his voice barely controlled.

"Sam, if you hadn't been pinned to that wall you would have shot that demon bitch through the head with the Colt. Cowards don't do that. It wasn't fear that drove you to suicide, it was rage, hate, anger, guilt and sadness. Try that stupid shit sober however and you will be a coward. Then you'll have to deal with me. Understand?" Bobby growled.

"Yes sir. Thanks Bobby. " Sam found himself smiling a little, Bobby's gruff ways seemed to always get to the center of everything. "I'll call you from the cabin and let you know what's going on.

"Sam, these people that are helping you. They seem like good people, listen to them. Don't get all muleheaded like you do. Got it? Stay safe. " Then Bobby hung up.

Sam ate the fruit and salad. He went slow as he wasn't sure if he system was up to solid food yet but it seemed to be ok. As he stood back up to go lay back down he noticed he didn't feel as weak. Laying on his back in the bed he stared up at the ceiling and started to try to come to terms with the gaping hole Dean's death was going to leave. For the life of him he didn't even know how to begin.

The next day Sam was feeling strong enough to eat more food and walk around a bit. He's headache was gone completely and his body felt more normal. Diggle figured it would be a good time to start dealing with some things.

"The Impala. She needs to get fixed up and we need to figure out how we are getting her back to Starling. " It was time to start pushing Sam a little.

Sam knew that Diggle was anxious to get back and cover Oliver. Even though it hurt him to think about looking at the car, out of respect for Diggle and Oliver he pushed his emotions aside. They had already done more for him than he felt they ever should have.

"It will go faster to ship her. Plus I am not really sure that long of the drive in the Impala would help me out at all. We can ship her and fly to Starling. I think I am ok to go work a bit if we can find a dent puller somewhere we can pop the dents out. We probably need to order the windows. We can put that back in when we get to Starling. " Sam said.

Diggle was impressed although he thought Sam was saying all of this more out of respect for him than actual stability but he would take what he could get.

"Ok then, let's go wash her and get some dents out. Do you want to drive? Diggle asked.

Sam's heart started pounding at the thought of being in the car much less driving it. "No, it's alright you drive. " Diggle nodded, they finished up breakfast and headed down to the parking lot. Sam hadn't really seen the Impala sober in the light of day so he wasn't prepared for how bad the car looked. He had put dents in the trunk, both sides and a few in the hood. He was surprised he didn't have broken hands, he looked at the window and the layers of dust and just stared. He put his hands on the trunk of the car "I'm sorry." he said as much to the car as he did to the memory of Dean. The driver side door squeaked open and he watched Diggle lean across and unlock the passenger door. He opened it and got in. Memory upon memory flooded his brain but he tried to hold on. "Breathe Sam breathe." He repeated in his mind over and over. He closed his eyes and heard the engine start.

"Carry on my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done.

Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more."

Came pouring out of the speakers, Sam turned the radio off. He couldn't listen to that song or any 80s song for awhile. He leaned his head against the window and just felt the vibrations of the engine. Diggle didn't say a word.

They pulled into a car wash, both the men pitched in to clean the car by hand and then they went to an auto repair place.

"Dig go in and get the dent puller I need to check something. Park the car over in the shadows on the side of the building please. " Sam had started thinking about the gear in the trunk. He didn't know if he had done anything with it while he had been drunk. He was almost afraid that he would open the trunk and find blood covered knives and no bullets.

That was the first thing Sam had said since they left the hotel. He quirked an eyebrow at Sam but did as he asked. Once the car was parked Dig went inside, Sam looked around for cameras, didn't see any. He took a deep breath and went to the trunk. unlocked the compartment and opened it. Everything seemed undisturbed. No blood was anywhere, nothing was missing. Sam breathed a huge sigh of relief. He was going to have to show this to Dig as he wasn't sure if they should ship the car with all of this in there. How the hell was he going to get this gear to Starling? He saw Diggle approaching and they got back in the car.

'Um we may have a problem shipping the car. " Sam started

'Let me guess, lots of business tools in the trunk." Dig replied.

"In a manner of speaking, yes. It's a hidden compartment but not all that well hidden. it's got a lock but still."

"How many weapons are we talking about? "

"A lot, shotguns, handguns, knives , stakes , holy water , I think there are still some grenades in there and of course all the ammo. It's all been customized for our line of work too. " Sam said. "Holy crap! You guys never once got searched? " Diggle was stunned.

"Well it's not like we spent a lot of time in big cities. Rural cops tend to assume everyone has something illegal in their car so they don't bother. " Diggle's first thought was to have Oliver reach out to his Bratva connections he but quickly dismissed that, first off he figured there wouldn't be much Russian mafia in Kansas, secondly he didn't like it when Oliver had to mesh that world with his other worlds. It tended to get out of hand. Then he came up with a better idea.

"Rich people ship cars with high end shippers who use a lot of discretion. The trucks tend not to get stopped because everyone assumes it's a Porsche or whatever in there, they open the door, see it's a car and shut it. We're going to be flying on the private jet going into small airports so we can take some of the stuff with us, there's no real security at private airports. It should be fine. " Diggle explained.

"This is your world Dig, not mine. I trust you. " Sam replied then lapsed back into silence.

"I'll call Felicity and set it up. If all goes well we can head out in two or so days." Diggle said Sam just shrugged in reply.

The next two days were spent getting Sam eating more, arranging shipping and flights, pulling dents and taking some walks around the city just to get out more. Sam still wasn't talking much but at least he wasn't drinking. True to his word he hadn't touched a drop of alcohol even when they had gone out to eat. The day came to load the Impala in the shipping truck, Sam didn't look as it got pulled into the truck. Then he and Diggle loaded the gear that they decided to take with them and their clothes in the cab that took them to the small airport where the jet waited. Once the got on the plane and belted in Diggle felt a huge weight come off of him. Sam had made it this far, he had done his part. Hopefully between the three of them they could get Sam back to some version of normal.

Sam's mind was still shut down in deep depression but he had pushed himself to function enough so that Diggle could get back to helping Oliver. His control was still shaky, there were times when the sadness and anger came flooding back but he was learning how to handle it. He had wanted to start drinking again, it was so hard not to but he would not break his word to these people that had put their lives on hold to pick his cowardly ass up. He just had to hold together for a month. Oliver would let him go his own way and then he could be alone. As the plane took off from the airport he started a countdown in his mind, one day down 29 more to go.


	6. Chapter 6 Sunrises and Soulsearching

Chapter 6

They arrived in Starling City. Sam and Diggle had slept most of the way, they woke up, got their bearings, grabbed all their gear and bags and headed to the car that was parked next to the hangar. Diggle texted Oliver and Felicity letting them know they had touched down and headed out to the cabin.

"So, what's the Queen family idea of a cabin? " Sam asked.

" 3500 sq ft with a spa on the deck, 4 bedrooms, a grand room, media room and full sized kitchen. Those are the main selling points. Well along with the lake view from the mountainside it sits on the side of. "

Diggle looked at Sam with a smirk. " Just a little weekend getaway place. "

"How often did they go there?" Sam was shocked at the idea of that being a cabin. What people took for granted always amazed him.

" I don't know, I didn't get hired until Oliver got back. From what I can tell even when the Oliver and his sister were younger they came out maybe once or twice a year. I imagine Oliver threw some parties out here before he was shipwrecked. They have people that come out and maintain it but it sits empty most of the time. " Diggle never understood why the upper crust just didn't rent places like this out. It would be extra income and that house could house two families at once.

As they drove further out of the city Sam started to be drawn in by the scenery. In their travels he and Dean had seen some amazing places but they never seemed to take the time to appreciate them. A few times a spot had really struck them and they would stop and take a few minutes to relax and soak it in. The jobs they were going to were always on their mind though, the need to save others. When the countdown on Dean's contract had started he had pushed them more and more to keep moving. That was Dean's way of dealing with it, don't think about it, don't acknowledge it. That was always a sore spot between he and Dean. Sam had pushed him to open up and Dean would push back, every now and again he would open up and talk but usually that wasn't an option. He and Diggle were driving up a winding two lane road, he caught glimpses of winding brooks, meadows and even saw a deer bound away from the road. It was early spring and the daytime so he rolled the window down. The air smelled so crisp and full of life. Maybe Bobby was right and he did need some downtime. As he breathed in the fresh mountain air some of the pain he was holding onto seemed to dull and float away.

Eventually they pulled into a half circle driveway and stopped in front of a large timber frame house. The architect had tried to blend the house into the hills behind it by making it fade back into the hills from the driveway. It looked a lot smaller from the front than what it was. They got out of the car and spotted another car tucked off to the side.

'Felicity is here already it seems." Diggle said. "Knowing her she's tricking out the computer systems so she can work from here. I am starting to think that if her fingers don't touch a keyboard at least once an hour she would have a nervous breakdown."

They grabbed what they could in their first trip and opened the door. "Hey Felicity, where are you?" Diggle called into the house.

"I'm back here in the media room, it had the most plugs and internet access already hooked up" they heard her voice float from somewhere within the labyrinth of the house. Sam already knew he was going to get lost at least once in here.

Sam and Diggle finished getting the rest of their stuff and started to navigate the halls to find Felicity. Eventually they rounded a corner and wound up in media room the size of most people's living rooms. It had the required surround sound, big screen TV and even some theatre style seating. Sam just shook his head.  
"Hi there. " Sam said to Felicity.

"Hello again. Let me finish setting up then I will show you around. I've gotten lost a few times but I think I know where I am going now. " She said with a small smile, trying to put Sam at ease. "You staying for awhile Dig?"

"No I need to get home and get changed. Do you know if he is going out tonight? I would assume since you're setting up he has plans for the evening." Dig asked

"Yeah, it's just a sweep through the Glades to try to discourage small timers. Roy mentioned there was some new dealers trying to claim turf so he's going to try to find out more info. No luck on tracking down the Mirakure yet. There was another robbery that looks to be done by someone on it but he wanted to wait until you got back to try to find that guy. " Felicity reported. Her tone of voice matter of fact.

'Huh maybe Oliver can learn strategy. There's hope for him yet. Ok, I'll head out. If you guys need anything else let us know ok?" Diggle started to walk out.

"Dig. " Sam said "Thanks for helping with the Impala. Dean would have appreciated it. " Sam lowered his eyes to the ground.

"Sam, if she ever needs a good home, I'll give her one. " Diggle smiled at Sam and left.

Felicity didn't really understand what was so important about the car but then she didn't know much about Sam. Oliver and Dig had filled her in on a lot of it and she had done her research but unlike them she didn't think they would have much in common. It was obvious that Sam was feeling a little awkward too.

"Do you need help with anything? " he asked. She had been plugging things in and moving monitors around. It appeared that she was setting up some sort of command center.

"Um sure. Can you hand me those cables? Then bring that tower over here and plug the routers in. You know what routers are right? " Felicity asked him

"Of course. Who doesn't?" Sam replied

"Oliver and Diggle don't. They can tell you the caliber, make and model of any gun they see but when it comes routers and modems, utterly clueless. " She said in an exasperated tone of voice. Sam had to chuckle at her.

"Yeah I know the feeling. Dean was the same way. " He felt a little pang of pain but he just let it go. 'May I ask what you are doing or is it need to know? I don't want to pry if it's not my business. " Sam said

"Well if you're going to be staying here along with me it's not like I can hide it. Oliver trusts you so welcome to Vigilante Ventures as Oliver dubbed us. I wanted Team Arrow but he thought that sounded too much like a soccer team. How much of a computer geek are you? That way I know how complicated I can make my answer. "

Sam got the impression she wasn't to insult him but he wasn't sure yet.

"I helped some friends put together some gaming systems back in school but that's about it." He answered.

"Well that's something at least. I have a pretty high end system at an offsite location that I set up so I could research for Oliver. I gain access to databases, monitor traffic cams, monitor police traffic and whatever else I can think of to get Oliver and Diggle information and try to keep them alive and not injured. I am setting this system up as a baby mockup of it and then accessing it from here. That make sense?"

Sam was impressed, his respect for Oliver went up a few notches. He had gathered around him the most essential things a hunter needs, access to information and backup, and he had gotten top notch talent to do it. For someone who had spent most of his life as a pampered rich kid when push had come to shove Oliver had realized quickly what he needed and put together a core group in record time.

"Yes it does. If Dean and I had access to this our lives would be so much easier. " Sam caught himself and said in a softer voice "I meant would have been."

Felicity looked up at Sam and saw the pain on his face and the deep breaths he was taking to calm himself. He looked a lot like Oliver when he had flash backs. Felicity had lost people in her life but she was beginning to understand how truly deep love between warriors could be. She didn't think if Oliver or Diggle ever married they would love their wives in the same deep way as they did each other. It looked like Sam and Dean had been the same way. There was something to the shared experience of going through combat and surviving something that traumatic that bound people together in a way that you couldn't describe. She was starting to understand that more and more. After the fight with the demons she had felt much closer to the men even though she hadn't actually fought. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Sam steadied himself. He started handing her more items as she requested them. When she finished, she powered everything on and signed in.

She pushed the button on her earpiece and told Oliver and Diggle she was up and running.

"I'm going to be busy here for awhile. There's some food in the kitchen which is down to the right sort of if you're hungry or you can hang out here if you don't want to be alone. I'll be honest Sam, I am not as good as reading people as Oliver and Diggle are so I don't really know what would help you the most. I wish I was better at it." Felicity felt way out of her depth here, she had a hard enough time communicating with people she knew much less someone who was basically a stranger.

"Well that makes two of us. I'm good at reading people but I have no idea what would help me either. Do you want something to eat? I feel I should be doing something anyway since you're working. " He asked

"Well, I do tend to forget to eat once they go out. It will take them about 20 minutes to get to the Glades anyway. I'll give you a quick tour of the place and we can grab some food."

The two of them walked through the halls, Felicity pointed out the bedrooms, bathrooms, the door to the deck and the kitchen. Oliver had had the staff stock the fridge and pantry with food before Felicity arrived so there was plenty to choose from. They both decided on cold sandwiches, chips and some soda. They gathered their meals and made it back to the media room with only one wrong turn. Felicity settled down to her computers. These were her weapons, her world. She understood them and she always derived some deep sense of comfort and accomplishment when staring at a monitor and helping Oliver fight something. Sam sat in a chair next to her. He angled it a bit so he could watch her as well as the screen.

Felicity's honest statement that she had no idea how to help him in some odd way took a sort of tension off Sam. Her acceptance of the fact that he was screwed up but there was a job to do was a familiar pattern, he and Dean had functioned that way for their whole lives. Even though he wasn't actively participating in what Felicity was doing the fact that something was happening outside of his pain and loss enabled him to push past it a bit. He saw that she was running 4 screens at once. He swallowed his bite of sandwich and asked

"How do you keep track of all this? I'd be lost within 30 seconds." He told her

"One, lots of practice, two, women multitask better than men. I guess that was evolution's way of helping us deal with hordes of kids running around. Three, depending on what's going on with the guys I move the important information to this center screen. " It was nice to have someone asking her how she did things. Sam seemed genuinely interested, Oliver and Diggle never had time to find out and when she was doing her part they were out in the streets getting shot at. Sam watched as a small green dot moved through a city map on one screen, on another screen he saw a dark figure on a very expensive motorcycle, he recognized the bike as Oliver's, drive through the streets, on a third there was a car that seemed to be following the bike and the fourth screen seemed to be tapped into the police department dispatch. Felicity grabbed an earphone off that fourth screen, put it in her ear other ear and became focused on the task at hand. Her hand moved the mouse over to the muted microphone symbol on the screen, she clicked the icon and Sam heard voices from the other earphone.

Sam was astonished at the capacity for absorbing and processing information Felicity had. She was following Oliver's tracker beacon, the both of them through traffic cams and monitoring emergency dispatch in case the police got called in to any of the disturbances their activities caused. He wondered if Oliver realized just what he had in Felicity. For all intents and purposes Oliver and Diggle had a guardian angel on their shoulders. As the night progressed and Oliver routed some muggers, questioned some drug dealers and did some breaking and entering for information at a warehouse Felicity never moved from her station. Her eyes flicked back and forth between the screens, she warned them if someone came down an alley or the cops got close. Called in a fake call to divert some cops from the alarm that Oliver accidentally triggered. Then she guided them around some police activity at the end of the night so they could get back to the club. When it was obvious they were back home and safe he watched as the tension slowly left her body. She blinked her eyes a few times and took a deep breath.

"Excuse me. " She got up and headed to the bathroom. Sam had been utterly stunned by Felicity. She had stayed calm, focused, intent and quick to react. He had never seen anything like that before in his life. Throughout the night his pulse had raced a few times as he glimpsed bits of the fights Oliver had gotten into. Memories of the many fights he and Dean had been in had pressed in on him and he found himself thinking how he and Dean would have handled things. For some reason though when he started to feel overwhelmed by the emotions he would see her calm, focused face and he managed to draw some calm around him as well. He was beginning to understand Oliver's comment about needing people around to keep him sane doing what he did. Felicity was as much an anchor for Oliver as Diggle was, as much as Dean had been an anchor for him.

Felicity made her way back into the room and saw Sam staring at her. She didn't know how to process the expression on his face, it was a mix of longing, of respect and admiration. She wasn't sure why he was looking at her that way.

"I hope Oliver tells you frequently how amazing you are. You literally keep them alive, you know that right?" he told her.

Felicity was flustered, she wasn't used to people praising her so openly.

"Um, yes he does in his own way. It took him awhile but he was caught up in a lot of his own things. Diggle does too. Thank you for saying that. I appreciate it. " she answered

"Good, because if you had told me he didn't I was going to head to that club they think no one knows they operate out of and inform him forcefully that he should. I'm not so out of shape that I wouldn't get my point across to him. " Sam said in a tone with a bit of heat to it. "I've had a long day. I'm sure you have too. I am going to find a room and get some sleep. Do you need anything before I do? "

"No thanks Sam. I'm going to drink some tea and sleep myself. I hope you sleep well. " she replied with a bit of a smile. He nodded at her and headed to a room. Sam wasn't aware that Felicity had her headpiece set to permanently on when she was monitoring Oliver and Diggle. She didn't want to waste time pushing the button so Oliver and Diggle had heard what Sam said. Oliver smiled, maybe Sam wasn't too far gone to be rescued.

Oliver pushed the button on his earpiece. " By the way Felicity, you're amazing. You can tell Sam I said so. I don't want to get up there tomorrow and have him come at me swinging. "

"Um ok, thanks Oliver. That was weird. I mean I appreciate the compliment but it was just kind of awkward. " Felicity was still a little flustered.

"Take it for what it is. Incredibly high praise. Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. Signing off." Oliver took the earpiece out and he looked at Diggle.

"Do you think Sam might fall for her?" Diggle asked

"Let's not even go there. If he does that's between them. I certainly didn't see that coming though. "

"Oliver, for a one time playboy you can sometimes be incredibly dense when it comes to relationships." Diggle poked fun at him

"Playboy's don't have relationships, we have affairs. Actual relationships are too complicated. They both are into research and computers and Sam is hurting. I will say this, if something does happen and he hurts her I'll be the one starting the forceful conversation. " They started changing and then it dawned on both of them.  
"Perhaps we should clue Felicity in, she's more relationship challenged then you are. " Diggle said.

"Yeah perhaps we should. " Oliver agreed. Then the two of them headed home for the night.

Sam woke up the next morning to sunlight streaming into his window. He opened his eyes and took in the view from his bed. He had picked this room because it overlooked the lake. The colors of the sunrise were reflected perfectly in the still waters. He remembered one weekend trip he and Jess had taken to a much smaller cabin than this one. They had stayed up all night because they had wanted to watch the sun rise over the lake. She had made strawberry waffles for breakfast. He rolled over, still half expecting to see Dean there. The fact that he wasn't didn't hurt as much. He clasped the little pendant of the necklace and thought of his brother. He knew that Dean's soul was being tortured as he was laying here in a comfortable bed. He would never forget that fact. He just didn't know what to do about it or if there was any point in trying. Dean's voice came to him "I don't want you to live for revenge." What else was there? He had woken up a few times last night screaming, but in this huge of house no one had heard him. He slowly got out of bed, got dressed and headed to the kitchen. Felicity must not have be up yet because she wasn't in the kitchen or at her computers. Sam rummaged through the kitchen, found some coffee and the ingredients to make waffles. There was even some fresh strawberries. He looked out the windows again and thought to himself "In memory of you Jess." He started to mix some dough.

Although Bobby had been right in saying that he and Dean hadn't given themselves time to get over their Dad's death Sam's pain went farther back than that. His dad's death had been hard but in a lot of ways Sam had detached from his dad when he left for school. When he thought about his family it was about Dean, not his dad. He only agreed to look for his dad because it was obvious that Dean was losing it. He had never given himself time to get over Jessica. He had come home, saw her body on the ceiling and Dean, once again, had pulled him out of a burning building because he had been unable to move. He purposely never talked much about Jess to Dean because in some ways he blamed Dean and his dad as much for her death as himself. Beyond that though, Sam hated thinking about how truly happy he had been those years. He wasn't the freak anymore, he wasn't the new kid. He had developed a whole circle of friends, interests that didn't involve chanting in Latin or shooting monsters. He and Jessica had spent hours discussing finer points of law and case history. Other than his nightmares it was like his childhood hell had belonged to someone else. It was honestly the best time he had ever had. He sighed to himself, it had been too long now. He couldn't restart school, his scholarship would be gone and Sam wasn't even sure if he would be able to have conversations with the average college student anymore. He had changed so much since then. He started the coffee and checked the heat on the pot for the strawberry glaze and the heat on the waffle maker, they were ready to go. He started to reduce the glaze, he remembered that the glaze took longer than the waffles. He heard a little shuffling step behind him.

Felicity, her hair all askew, wearing a huge pink fluffy robe tied closed and pajama pants with flying keyboards on them, stumbled into the kitchen. She was obviously not a morning person. She had her glasses on but her eyes were still half closed. It appeared that she was navigating based on the direction the smell of coffee was coming from and not much else. Sam smiled a bit at her appearance but turned away so she wouldn't see it.

"Morning. How about you sit and I bring you coffee? It doesn't appear that your motor functions are all up and running yet." He said.

"Hmm? Ok sure. Two sugars, no milk. " She muttered, made it over to a chair and plopped down on it. "What are you making?"

"Strawberry waffles. My fiance Jessica loved them. Want one? " Sam asked. He checked the glaze he had been making, it had been awhile since he had done this and he didn't want it to burn.

Felicity vaguely remembered that Jessica had been killed.

" Yes please. That sounds delicious." He took Felicity her coffee, proceeded to make the waffles which didn't turn out too bad in his opinion.. Once everything was ready he found the butter, syrup and silverware . He put a waffle filled plate, a fork and knife in front of Felicity and took his to the other side of the table and they ate in companionable silence.

"These are really good Sam. Where'd you learn to cook? " Felicity asked.

"Jessica taught me. Dean and I spent most of our lives bouncing from hotel room to hotel room and dad wasn't home a lot so we rarely had home cooked food. Sometimes when we went to visit Bobby he'd make barbeque or something. Anyway, I went to college, there was a meal plan included in my scholarship but it wasn't for that many meals so I still ate out a lot. When I first met Jessica she was at a party some people were having. She had made this amazing macaroni and cheese to bring to the party. It was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. I guess you could say it was love at first bite. " Sam grimaced as he realized that could also be a vampire reference. "Anyway, I begged her to teach me how to cook. That's how we started dating. She always used to laugh that I didn't want to go out on our dates. She rented a little apartment, it felt like a home. I had never had a home so to me spending time with her there was better than anything else I could think of doing. She thought it was romantic. As she got to know me better she realized it was something much deeper than that. " He took another bite of waffle. That was the most he had said about Jessica and their life together since she had died. He felt sorrow tearing at his throat. He drank some coffee to try to push it back down.

By now Felicity was awake and had seen the pain that Sam tried to hide. It was pretty apparent even to her that Sam hadn't talked much about Jessica. Felicity thought it might be good to keep him talking.

"What was your favorite thing you learned how to cook?" she figured that wouldn't push him too far.

"Oh wow, I don't know. It's been awhile." Sam thought about it. "There was this amazing recipe for a steak pot pie that we made. The steak had to marinate for hours but it had really rich flavors. We only made that when we were on break from school, it was pretty time consuming. I wonder if I can find it on the internet. " Sam smiled a bit as the memory of the candlelight dinner he and Jessica had the first time they made that came back to him. They had somehow burned the pie crust on top, the oven she had was quirky but they just ripped the tops of and ate the rest.

'Well, if you find it maybe we can make it. I know how to cook a bit. It's up to you of course but we would have the time. " Felicity said.

"Don't you have to show up at Queen Consolidated offices? I read how Oliver promoted you. " Sam asked

"I'm technically his personal assistant, it gives me a lot of flexibility. Plus it's not like I can't work from here if need be. I'm a horrible personal assistant. I constantly say the wrong things when people come into the office. I told him I would do that but it's a more plausible reason as to why he would be talking to me all the time than when I was in the IT department."

"Well if that's the case I guess we could. I kind of want to take a walk outside. It's beautiful out there. I need some time to think if that's ok." Sam asked. More and more memories were coming up and he was quickly losing the battle with keeping his emotions in check.

"Sure Sam. I'll clean up since you cooked. " she picked his dish up and headed to the sink. Sam walked to his room, grabbed his jacket, put his boots on and went outside.


	7. Chapter 7 Waking Up

Chapter 7 Waking Up

As soon as Sam shut the door behind him and breathed in some of the mountain air he felt a bit better. He took a look around trying to decide which way to go. One path seemed to lead the lake, another went behind the house and a third headed off into a forested area. He shrugged and headed to the water. Mountain sounds filled the air, wind rustling the leaves, birds chirping, scurrying in the underbrush. It was odd to not hear city sounds, he felt like he should be hearing more than he was. Jessica would have loved this spot, she came from a rural area and had always talked about how revitalizing being outdoors was. They had done a few hikes and camping trips but Sam never really got into it. He enjoyed them because he had been with her. He actually proposed to her on a hike. He had wanted it to be all about her. She had always wanted to see the Redwood Forest in California. So he had surprised her with a trip one Spring Break. He planned the trip to happen during a full moon, and proposed to her by a campfire the night of the full moon, surrounded by the enormous trees. They missed a few days of school to make it work but they were both straight A students and figured they had deserved a break. God he missed her so much.

Dean, on the other hand, would have been bored out of his wits right now. Sam had planned on introducing Jessica to at least Dean at some point, he had told her a few things about him. She had felt that Dean was a complete asshole for not staying in contact with Sam. Sam hadn't been able to explain how complex and deep their relationship really was. He had seen the Impala and his Dad's truck drive by the school or Jessica's place a few times, he had been raised to be aware of his surroundings after all. Besides those two vehicles weren't exactly inconspicuous. He felt that if the two of them had wanted to actually talk they would have. Sam knew that thinking about Jessica was a way for him to avoid thinking about Dean but he needed to deal with both of the losses. It disturbed him that the death of his father was the least painful. He thought he should feel more about it but John was such an absentee father that the only thing the two of them shared was a relationship with Dean. Looking back Sam could admit, at least to himself, that one reason that he and his father had constantly fought is that when he was back Sam got less of Dean's attention.

Things ran smoother when it was just he and Dean. They had their routine, they knew what was expected, they backed each other. Dad would show up and Dean's whole focus would become about trying to please his Dad and not questioning orders. It was like he stopped thinking for himself. Dean and Dad would bond over weapons and fighting and as Dean got older women. Sam became the odd one out. When Dad left he and Dean would grow close again. A sudden thought hit Sam that Dean never really got to develop his own personality. When Dad was around he became Dean the obedient son when Dad was gone he was forced to become Dean the substitute dad and provider. Dean had loved both his brother and his father. Sam realized now how much it must have hurt Dean when he had left. He couldn't choose between the two because he loved both equally. Sam and John were quite honestly the two sides of Dean. Sam started to think about how life must have been for John and Dean after mom had been killed. Dean would have had to try to keep his dad sane in some way and care for Sam, who was an infant. Looking at how shattered he was when Jessica died he could begin to see how his Dad must have felt, plus having the burden of two children he had to keep safe. As soon as that thought hit Sam he almost collapsed under the weight of it. He looked around for a place to sit and discovered he had reached a small boat dock. Walking out onto the dock he braced himself against the tie up poles for the boats and slid down to sit on the dock, unable to stand any longer.

"Damn it Dean, I was such a selfish kid. I never thought about how close you and Dad had to have been. How he must have watched over you just as you did me. You respected and obeyed him because he had earned it, just like when push came to shove I obeyed you. I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry. " Tears started running down Sam's face and he really didn't care. He sat there for a long time imagining life on the road for his father and brother and how they had struggled to survive. He removed himself from the equation as an active participant but looked at it from the perspective of his father. The worry, the constant fear, the absolute necessity of keeping his children safe from the horrors of the night. Learning about what was really out there and what had killed the love of his life. It wasn't hard to do. He and Dean had worried about each other but when they hunted they were adults, they knew the risks and how to keep safe, mostly. When his dad had first started hunting he had to leave his children alone to keep them safe. No wonder he was so paranoid and held on so tight to his sons. Those days on the hunt, Sam knew that his father spent hours on end wondering if his sons were still safe. That was why he had drilled them so hard and had embedded into Dean's head that he had to protect Sam at all cost. Sam remembered that his Dad's last words to Dean were that if he couldn't save Sam from the demon blood he would have to kill him. His Dad never got a chance to tell Sam about the blood and he never found out how his father had discovered what had happened that night in the nursery. Looking at things from his father's perspective the amount of pain that must have caused his Dad, Sam couldn't imagine, then to have that be his parting words to his oldest son. The emotions that started rocketing through Sam were so complex and intense his stomach literally cramped and he couldn't breathe. Every interaction with Dean and his father took on whole new shades and underlying emotions.

His throat was parched from trying to breathe, his face covered in tears , he was dry heaving because of the intensity of emotions when he heard footsteps on the dock. He had lost track of time but when he looked at his watch he saw that it had been about an hour since he left the house.

"Sam?" It was Felicity. She sat down near him but made sure she was giving him space. " I've been watching you for awhile. I, well I know you wanted time to think but I don't think you should be alone. So, here I am. I brought some hot chocolate or water. I've been through a few crying binges and it's usually a toss up as to which one I want. Well that or a rum and coke but that's not an option for you right now. " She set down a water bottle and a thermos by him. "If you still want to be alone I'll go back to the house. I just, well, just know I'm here. " She started to get up.

"Stay, please stay. " his voice was hoarse and shaky. She sat back down but had moved closer to him. She put her arm around him, as soon as she did that he collapsed against her. He buried his head into her stomach, his arms wrapped around her waist and he held onto her so tight she could barely breathe. His whole body shook against her and in chopped up phrases and sentences Sam told her everything. He told her about the demon blood in him, about the fires, about his father, about his love for his brother and the ties that were so deep and complex between them should couldn't even begin to comprehend. He told her about the new revelations he had about his father, how he had been so selfish, how he had been forced to watch Dean die. Once the words started they wouldn't stop. Felicity's back started to cramp because of the way Sam's weight was pushing on her but she didn't want to interrupt him. She held him and listened to all of it. When her legs started going numb though she shifted a bit. Sam had stopped talking a bit earlier and was just laying there trying to regain control, or so it seemed to her. He sat up a bit, taking some weight off her.

"Sorry, legs are going numb. I just need to shift them a bit. I'm ok. " She said.

Sam realized those were the first words she had spoken since he collapsed onto her lap. .

"You should have said something. " He said. She shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm used to sitting in awkward positions for hours. I work on computers, it sort of happens. Ow, pins and needles, in the feet, ow! I hate that part. " She stood and hopped up and down a bit. "Ok, that's better. " Then she looked down at Sam. His face was a mess, streaks of tears and from his eyes and snot from his nose were drying, his eyes were red and puffy. She gave him a quirky little smile.

"It's nice to know that men don't look attractive after a crying binge either. " She bent down and gave him a tight hug. Then stood up and put her hand out to help him up. He looked at her, a bit confused took her hand and stood up. He had just bared his entire soul and she didn't seem flustered at all. She wrapped an arm around his waist and started walking back to the house. She had known about most of the events he talked about, the level of his emotions regarding them was something she wasn't sure how to deal with. Oliver and Diggle had told her that if he had started talking to let him talk so she had. There were many times she had wanted to say something comforting but nothing she could think of to say seemed adequate. She realized though that she had to say something.

"Sam, I don't know what to say. I know that you needed to let all of that out though and I am glad that I was there for you so you could. You, Oliver, Diggle and probably Dean too, you carry so much inside of you all the time. I know there are reasons that you lock emotions away, I'm starting to understand that. You have to control your anger, your rage, your pain or else you become a danger to everyone around you. Oliver had some bad moments and Diggle had to help him through them, Diggle has had his. You guys all seem to know what to say to each other, or not say, to get your heads back on straight. I am sure you and Dean had that connection as well. I don't know the words. I guess I am not fluent in Alpha Male Warrior speak yet. Oliver told me something when we were getting ready to fight those demons. He said that I was important to him because I kept him from turning into a cold and heartless monster like those demons. It meant a lot to me, because what he does is important and any way I can help I will. He's the first person to ever take me seriously, most people think I am some freak being a woman into computers. Most of my male counterparts think I get by on my looks and that I don't know how to do my job, even after I show them up. Oliver and Diggle, they respect me.

It's just that all these things you carry inside, if you leave them there they just destroy you. I can't erase them from your mind, I wish I could. All I can do is listen and hope it helps. " She squeezed his waist again, he put an arm around her shoulder and squeezed back.

"It did. Thank you. " Sam took a deep breath. He felt more stable than he had in months. He looked down at Felicity "Do I look that horrible?"

"Oh yeah. Look ." She pointed at his reflection in the window. He started laughing. There he stood, snot running down his nose, eyes red and puffy and all he could think of was if Dean saw this he would never live it down. In his mind he heard Dean's voice "Look at you, I can't be out in public with you looking like that. You'd scare away all the hot chicks."

'I guess I should get cleaned up. I do look pretty damn bad." They walked into the house and Sam headed to the bathroom to wash his face.

Felicity went to her room , shut her door and started to shake. Now that the crisis was past she started to let the enormity of what Sam had shared settle in. Dear God, how much pain he was in! He had been holding onto all of that for years, the things he had seen, the violence, the deaths. How did any of the men she cared about deal with this? She remembered all the frustrations and pain in her life, the looks and the rumors about how she was getting jobs, the jobs she didn't get because she wasn't "one of the boys". She had always had to be 200 times better than anyone else to get a job that paid 50% less. The endless hours of reading about coding and networking, the lonely nights, the lack of friends. None of that compared to what she had just heard from Sam or what she knew of Oliver's and Diggle's past. These men, they had seen the worst in the world and they kept fighting to save others. That was the reason she did what she did to help. If they could get up every day and try to make the world better carrying the burdens they did she damn well could to. She was torn though, she felt that what Sam had shared with her had been in confidence but she needed to tell Oliver something. This was something that she knew Oliver had been waiting for. She decided to go for minimal information, he usually figured the rest out on his own anyway. She grabbed her phone and texted Oliver and Diggle "Sam's talking about the past. I think he is getting better. Wanted to let you know. " That would be enough. They didn't need to know the details.

Oliver looked at the text from Felicity and smiled. He and Diggle were sparring at the club.

"Looks like the mountain air is helping. I think having Felicity around him was the right choice. It gives him some semblance of a home, which I don't think he has had much of." Oliver said

"Good, have you given any more thought to what I said about talking to her about a possible crush from him? He's vulnerable. " Diggle replied as they moved through their sparring session

"Yes, I will get a better read when I head up there. I don't think that is happening though. He's finally dealing with his fiance's death along with Dean. I don't think there's room for new emotions in him right now."

"Do you think you should head up there? Seems he is more stable with less people. "

" I do. For one, I don't expect Felicity to be the only one watching him. She didn't sign up for that and secondly you and I both know that the rage will come next. We know the pattern well don't we? Rage always comes up after you open old memories that you've repressed instead of faced head on . I will not put her in the way that. That is not her job, that's mine. He's still dangerous, something will trigger him. He doesn't know how to stand alone yet. We just replaced Dean with Felicity, just like Jessica replaced Dean and his father. " Oliver stated

"Yeah I know." Diggle stopped moving and stared out the window. "Rage is the one that will show his true colors. God I hope we're doing the right thing."

"So do I Dig. So do I. " They finished their sparring sequence. Oliver went home to take a shower and head to the lake house.


	8. Chapter 8 Resignation

Chapter 8

Oliver took the bike up to the lake house. It was a fun ride and he hadn't done it that often. He had packed some sweats and sparring gear into a bag that was across his back. He thought it might be worth seeing if Sam wanted to move a bit. He leaned hard into a hairpin corner enjoying an adrenaline rush that was not being caused by someone trying to kill him.

He hadn't been up to the lake house in years. Before the shipwreck the house hadn't really been his style, it was too quiet and removed from the club scene. After he got back he had had other things on his mind. Since he had told Diggle about it he had started thinking it might be a good place for him to come to more often and get away from the city. Even though his 5 years on the island had been hell , lately it had seemed to him that he was less alert and aware of things. When he was out patrolling it felt that he should be sensing more than he was. Admittedly he picked up on more things than 99 % of the people in the city would but it wasn't good enough. He also found himself missing nature, he got tired of walking on concrete, wearing shoes, being confined all the time. There were times when he just needed to get out away from all of that and run. The island had taught him to survive, but to do so he had to tap and shape the most primal side of his nature and it was getting tired of being caged.

He arrived at the house, pulled up next to Felicity's car. The Impala should be here soon as well. Oliver wondered how Sam was going to take that. He walked into the house and called out "Sam? Felicity? Where you hiding in this labyrinth? "

"We're in the kitchen." He heard Felicity respond. He walked down the halls and was pleasantly surprised at what he found. Sam and Felicity were cooking. They had printed out a recipe and pinned it above the stove, Sam was dicing vegetables and throwing them into a pot, he smelled something delicious simmering from another pot. Felicity was mixing up a batch of dough, flour was scattered on the table around her.

'Wow, that smells awesome! What are you guys making? " Sam turned to look at him and Oliver was thrilled to see some life in his eyes again.

"Hey Oliver! I remembered an old recipe Jessica and I used to make, it's steak pot pies. We had everything pretty much already here. The meat has to marinate. That's what you're smelling, the marinade I'm putting together. We're just prepping everything else. " Sam said, an actual smile on his face.

"Please tell me there's enough for a third person. I don't think you'll get me out of the house until I eat some of that. " Oliver's stomach was already growling at the smells.

"Actually we thought we could invite Diggle up too. The meat will be ready in about 4 more hours or so and it takes 30 30-45 minutes to cook after that. Felicity and I figured we could munch on some snacks before then. She wanted to make some spinach dip and toast up some sourdough bread. She was just getting ready to invite you guys when you showed up. "

"If we don't invite him and he finds out about this he'd probably never talk to us again. I'll text him. I can lend a hand too if you want." Oliver took out his phone and and smiled to himself. This plan was working better than he had thought it would. He never expected to see Sam this stable, this soon. His text to Diggle was short "They're cooking steak. Fight you for it " . He had barely put his phone down when his text ring went off "You have no chance. OMW." Oliver laughed.

"He's on his way. " he told the other two. Felicity smiled and went back to kneading dough. Oliver started helping Sam with the vegetables and watched the two of them. Sam was moving as if he had just had the weight of the world lifted off his shoulders but Felicity looked a bit tense. She seemed to be still trying to process information and adjust her worldview to it. How much had Sam opened up to her? They weren't acting as if they had been flirting or were attracted to each other, but there was some sort of tension here.

"I guess it's a good thing I told the staff to stock this place for a long term stay. "

"Yeah. I asked Dig if he knew how often your family had come up here. Did you guys use this place a lot when you were younger?" Sam asked.

"I wish I could say we had but this was a place my Mom had wanted, she liked the scenery and the area. When I was a kid we would come out here maybe 3-4 times a year. Dad preferred the boat. As I got older the place sort of lost it's charm for me. Not enough loud music or cocktails. I threw one or two parties out here but they usually ended badly when drunk people decided to go swimming and forgot that the lake was deeper than 5 ft. Thea liked it for awhile but none of us Queen's were the nature type. I was actually just thinking that I may start coming out here more. 5 years in the wilderness you get used to trees and the smell of healthy air. It does seem like a waste that it just sits here empty all the time. " Oliver replied.

"Well if you ever want to relocate our office I'm ok with it being here. I wouldn't have to pay my rent anymore. " Felicity said smirking at Oliver. "The commute would be perfect. "

"I'll take that under consideration Ms. Smoak. " Oliver said in his CEO tone. They all laughed. They chatted a bit more about small things, Diggle showed up and mock tackled Oliver away from the food. As the afternoon and evening progressed Oliver watched Sam for signs of control issues. For the first few hours he did ok but as they sat down to eat he seemed more and more strained. He laughed less and less and sort of faded into the background of the conversations. Oliver knew in Sam's mind he was feeling the disconnect of what his feelings were and what he was trying to make his feelings be.

"Damn! Great job you guys! This is the best steak pot pie I have ever had. Thanks for inviting me." Diggle said as he pushed his now empty plate back.

"Sam remembered the recipe. I'm glad he did that was a lot of fun. " Felicity replied.

"Thanks Dig. Hey guys, I'm kind of tired. I think I am going to go lay down. " Sam said, his voice sounded very strained.

"No problem. Oliver and I can clean up since you guys did all the hard work. " Dig shot a warning look at Oliver. He had seen Oliver looking like he was about to get up and follow Sam.  
"Yeah, sure. Get some rest. "

Sam took his plate to the kitchen and walked towards the bedrooms. Oliver and Diggle looked at Felicity.

Felicity had not been looking forward to this. She knew that Oliver and Diggle would want to know what Sam had told her but she didn't want to break whatever trust he seemed to feel towards her. She cleared the table and walked towards the media room, which was on the complete opposite end of the house from the bedrooms. She wanted to have this conversation as far away from Sam as possible. The two men got the hint and followed her.

They got to the room and shut the door. Felicity sat behind her monitors, hoping the familiarity of that spot would give her some clarity. Oliver and Diggle sat down and waited, patient as stones. She hated that, when they knew she had to talk and wouldn't give her an easy out.

"Guys, look … I don't know what I should tell you. Sam opened up a lot to me, he told me things I don't think he had ever told anyone else. Feelings that he probably had never admitted to himself that he had. He had a serious breakdown. There was so much that he was carrying, it all just had to come out. I, well I feel awkward repeating it. Like I'm spying on him. "

Oliver hadn't counted on that, although he should have thought about it. To be honest he hadn't thought Sam would open up that much so soon. He looked at Diggle who just shot his "See, you're an idiot." look at Oliver. Oliver sighed.

"Ok Dig, I admit I am dense when it comes to certain things. "

"What things?" Felicity said.

"I'll tell you later." Oliver replied. "You don't have to go into details and I'm not expecting you to spy on him for us. Honestly, I didn't expect him open up so soon to anyone. I'm sure it helped him though. If you can just give us a rough idea of how he's doing. That will be fine. "

"Oli, you know I'm horrible at that. " She said in an exasperated tone. "Fine, I'll try but I'm making you set up all the computers next time you make me relocate in exchange. It's time you tried to do something you're not good at for once.

"Deal." Oliver said. She was getting spunkier these days.

"Ok. This is what happened in general terms. I woke up and he was already up and making strawberry waffles. Which were amazing by the way. He should go to culinary school, at least he already knows how to handle knives. " She stopped and winced "Ok that sounded bad. " She shook her head and continued. " He started talking about Jessica and how he had begged her to teach him how to cook, that's how they started dating. I asked him what his favorite dish to cook was and he mentioned that steak pot pie we just had. After that he went outside for a walk, he said he needed to think. I watched him from here. He ended up on the dock. He got there and just collapsed on the ground and started getting really upset. I let him be for about an hour but I watched him the whole time. It looked like it was getting worse and worse and I didn't think he should be alone so I took him some water and hot chocolate. I usually need one of those after I have a breakdown. When I got there I told him if he wanted space I'd leave him be but that I wanted him to know I was here if he wanted to talk. He begged me to stay and pretty much collapsed on me. That's when he started talking.

Apparently he had some new insights on the relationship with his Dad and Dean and a lot of other stuff but he should tell you about all that not me. We were out there for awhile then he stopped talking. I told him that it was a good thing he had gotten all of that out. I said that alll three of you carry way too much and that if you let it stay there too long you can become dangerous to everyone and it will destroy you. After the thing with the demons I started to understand more why you guys keep everything locked up so tight, it's the only way you can function and not become something dark and twisted. Then I told him that I didn't know what to say or do to help him but I could listen to him if nothing else. He said that he didn't know how to fix himself either. We got back into the house, he seemed a lot happier and then we found the recipe on the internet, started cooking and you showed up. " That was all she felt comfortable saying. She looked hard at both men so they would know it.

Oliver and Diggle both sat back a bit in shock of how perceptive she was becoming.

"You said exactly the right things to him. Trust me. " Diggle said "He is also a lot more apt to listen to it coming from you than Oliver or I right now. Well done!"

" I did? Really? Wow. I guess I am learning Alpha Male Warrior speak after all. " she said, half to herself half to them.

"Alpha Male Warrior speak? What's that? " Oliver was trying very hard not to bust out laughing when he asked her. The way she processed and labeled things never ceased to amaze him.

"Oh. Well you and Diggle have whole conversations just using your eyes and body language and I've been trying to understand what you're saying to each other. I started researching body language and animal behavior and started to piece things together. I just started calling it Alpha Male Warrior speak since it's a completely separate language than the rest of us use. I found a lot of similar patterns watching research vids of Lowland Mountain Gorillas. " Her tone of voice was that of a teacher explaining concepts to a class. "Anyway, I am starting to pick up what you're saying to each other. I just said what you would have said to Sam using words instead of glances and head tilts. It's actually pretty challenging."

The two men just stared at her, completely speechless.

"Gorillas…" Oliver said.

"Well, primates are closest to humans on how they interact. It's not like I know any other people like you two to watch. I used what I could find." Diggle covered his mouth with his hands, neither he or Oliver wanted to make her feel embarrassed.

Oliver got up, walked over to her and gave her a huge hug. "You are the most unique and amazing person I have ever met. The way your brain works, it's just stunning to watch. "

"Thank you? " she got the feeling that they were laughing at her for some reason. "Are you guys laughing at me? "

"Not at all. I just have never heard things described that way. Gorillas huh? " Oliver started shaking his head. "I think I'll take that as a compliment. "

"You are laughing at me!" she accused them. Then she realized she had just compared her two closest friends to gorillas in an attempt to understand them. "I was, oh crap. Look, it was research! I didn't mean that you are gorillas. "

That tore it for the men, Diggle literally fell off the couch he started laughing so hard. Oliver had to lean against the wall to stay upright. As they gasped for air Diggle told her

"We know, it's ok. However you figured it out it's working for you. You just keep doing what you're doing. I think both of us have been compared to worse things. " his eyes were tearing up he was laughing so hard. He was already thinking of about 100 ways to tease Oliver about this for the next month.

After they had recovered from their laughing fits, Diggle decided he was going to head home. Oliver chose to stay at the house. No one was at the mansion and he was a bit wary of Sam's obvious strain by the end of the dinner. Felicity and Oliver were in the kitchen cleaning dishes and tidying up after the meal.

"Do you think he will really come through this?" Felicity asked. The more and more she thought about what Sam had told her the more concerned she became. He had lost every single person that mattered to him over the last 2 years. The most disturbing part to her is he didn't even have the comfort of thinking Dean had gone to a better place. There was no closure, closure in this case meant abandoning Dean to his ultimately tragic and horrible fate. Felicity didn't think Sam would be able to do that.

"Honestly, I don't have a clue." Oliver replied. 'Coming through this, at some point you have to make a conscious choice as to what path you will follow. Will you destroy yourself and others because of the pain and the rage or will you control it and use it for you. In this case, no matter which road he picks there will be no sense of peace for a long time if at all. If he becomes the destroyer he dishonors what Dean did. If he chooses to let Dean go and try to lead a "normal" life, then he will still be haunted with what Dean chose to do. The only real positive road for him that I see is learning control and going back to hunting. In the end that may or may not destroy him anyway . He won't be able to choose to lead a normal life, there will be too much guilt. The bonds between the two of them run too deep.

I guess in a twisted way it was a good thing that before the shipwreck I had been a self-centered playboy. I loved my father, don't get me wrong, but Sam and Dean. That bond goes way beyond love. I wish I knew the answer, I really did. " He paused and looked at Felicity. "I need to tell you something though. You may not like to hear it but you need to know. At some point possibly soon something may trigger him and he could snap into rage. It's usually the next step of this. Diggle and I will be staying up here more especially after the Impala gets delivered late tomorrow. The car has weapons in it. I am not going to tell you what to do, if you should stay or go. I would prefer if you were out of harm's way but this is your choice. I just want you to be prepared. Depending on how he chooses to handle it I may have to take steps.

"I've hidden a lot of my rage, I learned control on the island. One of the reasons I wanted him out here is if he did snap I would use the wilderness to teach him control. If it comes to that, you may not like the side of me you'll see. Especially if you somehow get caught in the crossfire. "

Felicity caught a glint of something almost feral in Oliver's eyes when he made that last statement. It made her shiver a bit. "Thank you for telling me. I'll have to think about it. It seems that I am helping him and I don't want him to think I am abandoning him in some way. I guess we will just have to see how it goes. I promise though that if some sort of conflict comes up I will stay out of the way. " She put the last dish in the dishwasher, walked up to Oliver and held his hands in hers.

"When I walked into the warehouse after it was all over and saw your arrows sticking out of people's necks and eyes part of me was horrified that someone I knew could do that. I know I watch you get into fights and hurt people all the time. When I am watching on the monitors though it's not as real to me and I am focusing on police scanners, traffic cams, your tracker beacon. My job is to be your eyes and ears and that is what I do. Those times you have come back injured or nearly dead I don't think about what you do to other people, I'm worried about you and Dig. So when I saw the people laying there bleeding and dead part of me thought that to be capable of those acts you had to be a monster of some kind. " The whole time she had been speaking her eyes had been downcast as if ashamed of what she was saying. "When you came up behind me and held me I wanted to run away, to not be a part of this anymore. ' Then she looked up at him, her face was a mystery. It was as if she didn't know herself what she was trying to communicate.

"I stayed because of what you said to me before the fight started. How I helped you stay human and not turn into a cold blooded monster. I didn't fully understand what you meant until I saw those bodies. What Sam shared with me, he doesn't deserve to become a soulless person. He has been through so much already. I don't know if he will stay here or move on after the month or even before then but we have to try to save him from that fate. We just have to. " She leaned into Oliver's chest and held him fiercely for a minute. "If you have to show that darker side to get Sam to learn control I trust that you know what you're doing. Just help him please. " Then she turned away and walked to the bedroom she was staying in.

Oliver stood there for awhile after she left. How he had gotten so immensely lucky with her and Diggle and their never ending capacity to understand and accept him he didn't understand. He hadn't done much in his life to earn some great karmic reward The deeper and deeper he had gotten into this double and sometimes even triple life the more he realized that if had been trying to do this alone he would have been dead or insane within the first month. Many times when he was discussing things with Felicity or Diggle he had put on a much more confident face than he really felt. Most of the time he was maneuvering blind, especially when he first started. Diggle had stepped in a lot of times to cover his ass when he was making amateur idiot mistakes, thankfully he learned fast. His resolve to try to help Sam became even stronger after what Felicity had just said. He owed her so much, really his life, that anything she asked at this point he would do. Pondering his options for sleeping quarters he decided he'd take the pull out couch near the kitchen. The back was high and faced the hallway where Sam's bedroom was. Oliver had a feeling that Sam would be wandering the halls tonight and he wanted to keep his eyes on him without completely intruding into his space. Unless he looked closely or Oliver sat up Sam would most likely not see him laying there.

Sam wasn't sleeping, he had been trying to but it wasn't happening. The longer and longer the meal and socializing had gone on the more and more frustration and pain he felt. Here he was cooking, laughing and moving on all the while his brother suffered. It wasn't right. The demons that had sent Dean there were still on the loose. The pressure on him was building, he knew that Azazel's plan was still moving forward, whatever it was. Maybe if he stopped that plan he could find some way to get Dean back, or if it came to it and he ran across demon- Dean he could kill him and put him out of his misery. The more and more Sam had thought about things it had become clear to him that the tables had turned. Instead of Dean having to kill him to save him from the demon blood he would have to kill Dean to save him from being a full blown demon. How would he ever be able to pull the trigger? The Impala should be here soon and Sam was thinking about just leaving. He was wasting time here. His phone rang, it was Bobby. He had forgotten to call him. Sam got ready for another scolding.

'Hi Bobby, I was just going to call you. " Sam said, trying to appease Bobby before he got up speed.

"Don't lie to me. You forgot. That's not what I am calling about. Don't do it. " Sam was a bit confused.

" Do what? "he asked

"Leave. I know what you're thinking. You've never been able to not be an idjit when it came to your family, same as your Dad and Dean. So don't do it. "

"What the hell Bobby, are you psychic now? " Sam couldn't lie, Bobby knew him too well.

"Ha! No I was just thinking you might be getting restless and figured I'd throw you off your game. How's the place you're at now?"

Sam gave in.

"It's nice. I did a lot of thinking today. Actual thinking. I realized a lot of things about Dad and Dean and how I was a pretty selfish, needy kid. I never looked at how hard things had to be on him trying to hunt and raise two kids. Dad was how he was because he had to be. The reason I fought with Dad so much was that when he came back it was like he took Dean away from me. That sounds so stupid now. I couldn't stand how Dean always did what Dad said without once questioning him, I get it now. There was a lot of other things that came up. I sort of had a breakdown, there was someone here that just sat and listened the whole time. I needed to just let it all out I guess. "

Bobby heard something in Sam's voice that he had never heard from any Winchester, acceptance of fate, at least a little bit. It gave him some hope.

"That's good. You've been wound up pretty tight for a long time. " he wanted to encourage that spark of acceptance.

"I've been thinking a lot about Dean too. If he breaks you know they'll send him after me just for kicks if nothing else. I don't know if I can do it. How can I kill Dean? " Sam's voice started shaking, not with sorrow but with rage. "Why Bobby? Why does it have to be like this? "

That little bit of hope Bobby was feeling, it slipped away. "Your family has a history of making bad deals, they just keep snowballing and you're at the bottom of the hill. You're getting all the shit from everyone else caring too much. "

"You keep saying that but how are we not supposed to care? What's the point of family if you just leave people to die?" Sam's control was rapidly failing him.,

"Sam, stop! Breathe ! You're losing it. " Bobby's voice cracked like a whip and Sam instinctively reacted to it. He took some deep breaths, when Bobby heard his breathing evening out he started talking again.

"Sam, explain to me right now how Dean burning in hell is a better option than you being dead peacefully."

"Other than the part where I'm dead?" " San snapped.

"Don't snap at me boy! You know what I am saying. If Dean had just accepted that you had died there would be much less suffering on both your parts. You know it, you won't admit it. Sure he saved you're life, but at what price? Now both of you are suffering. If he had accepted that death is part of life, buried you and made his peace with it neither of you would be suffering.

If your father and you had accepted that Dean was dying and let him go your Dad would be alive, Dean wouldn't be in Hell and you wouldn't be suffering so much that you are two steps away from becoming a monster yourself.

See a pattern here? Let's go farther back, if your Dad had accepted Mary's death and raised you two in some sort of normal life instead of turning the whole family into hunters your whole life would be different. People die Sam. Accept it already or you're going to destroy yourself. Dean made his choice, if he comes back as a demon he won't be Dean and you or someone else will have to kill him. It will be a mercy and you know it. "

Sam couldn't argue the logic of what Bobby was saying. Logic however wasn't running through his mind, his emotions were telling him it was wrong to abandon family. Maybe it was ingrained from his father, to Dean, to him. Protect each other at all costs. That had always been the family motto.

"Ok you have some points. It's just...I know what he is going through. How I can accept that? I tried today, I made this great dinner for Oliver and his people, they helped. Everyone was laughing and having a good time and I felt so wrong about it. I just kept seeing Dean as the hellhounds tore into him. It's too much to walk away from. "

"You don't get over it in a week. " Bobby's voice was tired all of a sudden. " On some level it will always be there. I'm not telling you to forget about Dean. No force on earth or anywhere else can make that happen. You just have to try to move forward and not let it rule you. If you let it rule you they win. You know that too " Bobby's voice had grown somber.

"Aren't they winning anyway? 2 Winchesters down 1 to go. Does it matter if I am a monster or not? I'm barely functioning, If I quit hunting they win. That's why they wouldn't make a deal with me. They'll just wait until I am off guard and come for me. I retired once, Jessica got killed." Sam's voice was growing colder by the moment.

"Did it ever occur to you that he killed Jessica to get you to turn evil? You were supposed to be the great general or whatever right? You weren't hunting so the best way to get you to hunt is kill someone you care about. You all assume they want you not hunting. Perhaps they want you to become evil so they can use you. Or is that concept a little too far fetched for the person who has demon blood in him? " Bobby had had enough of this. Sam wasn't listening to reason, yet again. "They've been around for eternity plotting and planning. They know how to manipulate people. Put your goddamned emotions aside and think for once!" Bobby was shouting now, he was so afraid that he was going to lose Sam along with Dean.

"So by that logic the only way for me to keep people safe is to hunt, If I am supposed to be a great part of this plan will they let me go at all? Should I keep exposing anyone I care about to this danger? I am sure that will be a great pickup line "Hi I'm Sam Winchester, date me if you want to die a horrible painful death, " Yeah that works. "

The disgust and hate in Sam's voice hurt Bobby so much. It was too late. In Sam's mind he had already lost his chance to be happy. Nothing Bobby could say would change that.

"Sam we're not getting anywhere. I try and try to help you but you can't see that all you're doing is killing yourself, just like Dean and your Dad. I'm so tired of losing family. Try to get some sleep I guess. " Bobby hung up and a few tears started down his face. He wiped them away. "I tried John, I tried to save them, both of them. It's your damn fault for only teaching them how to hold on, not how to let go. You failed your sons. Wherever you are now, I hope to hell you see all the pain you caused. Lord knows I'm tired of seeing it. " He looked at the whiskey bottle, shook his head. " It's not worth it, " Then he walked to his bed and tried to sleep. At the last minute he had a thought. He reached out for his phone, typed in the phone number Oliver had given him and sent this message. "Watch him. He thinks he's already lost. Keep anyone who can't fight out of harm's way. I've run out of words to say. If you have to let him go, I understand. Thank you for what you've already done, Bobby" . Then he rolled over and started to mourn another Winchester.

Oliver had been dozing when he heard his phone go off. If he was getting a text this late it had to be something bad. He looked at his phone, read the message twice and started typing "Understood, I appreciate the warning. I have one more thing to try. I've been waiting for the right moment. Will keep you updated. I owed them, no thanks needed. Oliver. " he sent the message and closed his eyes. His first thought was to get Felicity to safety, then he caught himself. He'd see what sort of impact the arrival of the Impala had. Sam may just up and leave and really there was nothing Oliver could do to make him stay. Oliver was going to get Felicity out of the house tomorrow and try to get Sam sparring. That would be a good test of his control. He went back to dozing. If any of the doors opened in the house Oliver would hear it.

Sam threw his phone on the bed. What did Bobby expect of him? He knew Bobby was right, intellectually he knew it but he couldn't make himself feel it. He needed to move, he couldn't just sit here and feel anymore. It was too late and too cold to go for a run. He looked around his room and realized he had plenty of space to do some working out. He took his shirt off, switched into sweats and started doing pushups. He felt so stiff and tight, that would never work. As he warmed up and his muscles started to loosen he focused in on the reps. He started channeling the hot rage he felt into the movements. An hour later he was so exhausted and sore he could barely make it into the bed. The hot rage was simmering, he felt it, he embraced it. Soon, soon he would be back on the road, fuck getting over anything, fuck Lillith and fuck the whole world. All he wanted was to make them pay for everything his family had suffered and he didn't care who he took out in the process. He laid down, muscles already aching. As soon as the Impala got here he would clean and prep all the weapons and leave, he'd never heal anyway.

Oliver awoke to the sound of a door opening. Sam was moving. Oliver figured he'd pretend to be asleep in case Sam spotted him . He heard sounds of cabinets opening and closing in the kitchen, the coffee grinder started up and within a few minutes that unmistakable smell of freshly ground coffee started permeating the house. A few minutes later he heard Felicity's door open. He rolled over, opened his eyes and smiled at the sight of her in the morning. She seemed to be navigating by scent.

"Wow, you really aren't a morning person are you? " Sam joked. Oliver watched as Sam put a cup of coffee in front of her.

"Hmmm, yeah, no. " She reached for the coffee and took a few drinks. As he watched her eyes slowly opened wider, she shook her head a bit and you could almost see the gears in her brain slowly click on one after another. He decided to poke his head up over the couch and let them know he was around.

"Morning all. " He spoke from the couch

"Aren't there two other bedrooms?" Sam asked. Oliver took a closer look at Sam, he was putting on a good act but there was something in his eyes. They seemed almost lifeless. He understood Bobby's concern. Sam was waiting, he was pretending that everything was ok until the Impala and the weapons showed up. Then he'd probably leave and he was no where near ready. Oliver was running out of time.

"Yeah but they are all the way down that hallway. I was too stuffed to make it that far. " He stood up, stretched out and joined the other two in the kitchen. "The Impala will be here around 3-4 today. I'm having them deliver it to the club. I'll give you a ride down if Felicity is ok with me borrowing her car and we can pick it up. I got a text from the carrier last night after you went to bed. "

"That will be fine. I can drive it back up here. I will probably be leaving soon after that. I appreciate what you guys are all doing for me but I need to get moving. I'm going to call Bobby and see if he can ship a window for the car, he usually gets them cheap or free. He runs a classic car pick a part lot. Once that gets done I'll be out of your hair. "

Felicity looked up at Sam, concern in her face.

"Are you sure ? It's really no bother hanging out up here. " she told him.

Sam's eyes softened a bit when he looked at her. She was so innocent still and reminded him too much of people that he lost. If anything ever happened to her because of him he would stand in front of Oliver and tell him to put an arrow through this heart. He would deserve it.. He walked around the table to her, pulled her chair back and crouched down in front of her so they would be at eye level.

"Felicity. Women around me die. The longer I am here the more danger I bring to you. The other day when you listened to me, it meant so much. It helped me more than you can know. Most of the things I told you I had never told another person in my life, not even Dean. I have to leave though, I need to. It's not right of me to impose and I need to learn how to live my life without Dean in it. " saying those words, he felt his emotions swirling again, but he pushed them down. He couldn't crack now. Oliver and Felicity had to buy that he was stable. Oliver couldn't really keep him from leaving but he wanted them to think that they had actually helped him. He owed them that much. "Please understand that. "

She heard what he was saying but it didn't feel right. It seemed like he was trying to convince himself as much as her. Her concern grew.

"You know yourself better than I do, I guess. I understand what you're saying but I think you're lying to yourself. Just know that whatever you end up doing I'll always be here to listen to you. " She reached out and held him tight.

Oliver had watched hoping that maybe she could bring him around a bit. When she let go of Sam and he stood back up and turned back to the counter to get his coffee his face shifted. What Oliver saw was bitterness and rage. That softness he showed her was completely gone. He hadn't lied to her, he cared for her, that much was true. What he had left out was that he had already given up on trying to heal. Damn it, he may be too late to help at all. Well he had to try.

"Hey Sam? " Felicity asked. "Before you leave we need to cook some more meals together. Something for you to think about when you are on the road eating crappy diner food again. It's fun and I don't get to cook for other people enough. "

Oliver saw Sam's eyes widen and he stopped moving for a second, as if startled that she wanted to keep going on as normal. Oliver wanted to run over and hug her. "Yes! Keep reminding him of good things. " He thought to himself.

"Sure, I should probably try to pad my system from all that crappy grease I'll be eating soon. What do you want to make for breakfast Sous Chef Felicity? " Sam smiled and it wasn't a faked one.

"Quiche, with some fruit and yogurt on the side, and muffins." she replied

"Oh god! I'll need to work out twice as hard to keep in shape if you two keep this up much longer. " Oliver complained.

"No one says you have to eat it. " she told him with a little toss of her head.

"I don't have that much willpower. I just don't. So what can I do to help? Oh and Sam, after this feast if you want to spar a bit I brought some gear. If you're heading out soon it wouldn't hurt to start working out again." Oliver figured that would be a safe way for him to get Sam out where he could see how controlled he really is.

"Could you show me some of the moves you use? We didn't get a lot of advanced fight training from our Dad. " Sam asked

"Would love to. " Oliver replied. After that they dove into the task of making breakfast.


	9. Chapter 9 Roads Filled With Good Intent

Chapter 9

Breakfast was literally a feast. Oliver hadn't eaten this well in awhile. He hadn't known that Felicity loved to cook, he would have to plan group dinners more often. It was more fun than going out to eat all the time plus it was a good way to relax and get your mind off of everything else.

"OK, so maybe we'll spar tomorrow. I don't think I could fend off a small child right now. "Oliver said as he leaned back in his chair.

Sam got a mischievous look, " Well I could fight on my knees if that helps. "

"I said a small child, on your knees you're still a large child. Thanks for the offer though. " Oliver replied. At least Sam could still joke a bit. He took a deep breath and stood up. "Let's clean up and I'll go get the gear. We can spar out by the dock there's some flat ground around there. "

"Ok, let me call Bobby and get that window on the way here before we start. " Sam replied. They cleaned up and Sam walked to his room to change into workout gear and call Bobby. Hopefully Bobby would help.

"What Sam?" Bobby said when he answered. Sam sighed, he was pissed at him

"Hi. The Impala is showing up today. Can you find me a driver's side back window for me? I'll put it in here. Please. "

There was a long pause. "Fine. What address do I need to send it to? " Sam walked out and got the address from Oliver who told him to put the delivery and the price for the window on the Vigilante Ventures card and gave him the address. "Give me a day or two to track it down. Then I'll send it out fastest speed I can. " then he hung up on Sam. Apparently the first stop Sam was going to have to make was to Bobby's to try to smooth things over if he could.

"Ok window is on the way. You up to moving yet? " Sam asked

'Yeah, just let's agree stomach shots are off limits for awhile. I don't think either of us would appreciate that outcome. " A smirk crossed Oliver's face and they headed out to the dock. Oliver picked up the bag that he had brought and caught with Sam on the dock.

In the bag there was two pairs of escrima sticks, some practice knives and two sets of bamboo practice swords. Oliver started pulling out the gear and Sam started doing some warm ups and stretching.

"Did Shado and Yao Fei teach you how to use all these? " Sam asked

"Yao Fei did a little, Shado helped a lot. There was an Australian special forces soldier who had been sent to stop the mercenaries that were based there. It hadn't gone well for him, he and his partner had gotten stranded. He taught me a lot as well. " Oliver replied. "What do you want to start with?"

"Well I don't usually carry swords with me so either the sticks or knives." Sam replied. Oliver tossed him a practice knife. "Ok let's start then. The important thing with any hand to hand weapon is to see it as an extension of you and don't think of things just in terms of stabbing or slicing. That lends to one dimensional fighting. People hold a knife out in front of them and just try to stab at their attacker. Knives have a lot more uses than that. You don't often get a straight up kill shot with a knife so you want to seize any opportunity to do damage and try to aim for things that will slow movement or cause serious bleeding so your opponent tires faster. Make sense? " Sam nodded. "Alright then" Oliver continued "Attack me."

Even though Sam was used to fighting things that were supernaturally stronger or faster than he was he had gotten used to having an advantage because of his height and reach. Oliver had been training with Diggle for months now so he had worked out how to turn that height and reach into an advantage for him and a disadvantage for Diggle, or in this case Sam. Sam decided to test the waters and did the straightforward attack, Oliver sidestepped, blocked and brought his knife down on Sam's wrist and stepped back.

Oliver then threw a straight jab at Sam's face stepping in to close the distance between the two men, sliced his knife across Sam's ribs. "If I connect with the punch you go down or at least get stunned, if you block the punch I can choose to either slice your arm or go for the ribs, throat or stomach, or if you step back I can follow up with a kick. With your reach and me this close to you if you get a shot in with your knife it will most likely not cause a lot of damage because the angle is off. " He stepped back again. "You try it. " Sam copied the move that Oliver had done.

"Ok I see your point. It all flows together. "

"Yes. Did you get any training in kicks? You've got those long legs. With your reach, speed and power you'd be devastating in a fight if you used your legs " Oliver asked

" No not really. " Sam replied.

"Well that needs to be remedied. We'll incorporate that in with the knife training. Let me show you. Try to block. " Oliver shot Sam a vicious little grin and launched a flurry of kicks at Sam. Sam blocked about 4 of them and took what felt like 10 hits. He knew he was going to have bruises after this, he rather enjoyed the thought. It felt good to be moving and fighting again.

"Alright, I get the point sensei. Teach me your way oh hooded one. " They both laughed and spent the next fours hours straight sparring. After about two hours with the knives Oliver switched to the escrima sticks. "Learning patterns and moves with the sticks can transfer to any blunt weapon like a pipe or tree branch or whatever so you should practice with these as well. " Oliver was impressed with Sam's ability to learn and incorporate new patterns into what he already knew. Admittedly Sam had been fighting for his whole life but it seemed that he was able to break from old ingrained habits of attacks and blocks and learn new ones with minimal difficulty. He was also very fast for his size, he had gotten in some hits on Oliver that he hadn't anticipated. Emotionally Sam seemed pretty stable, but that may have been because his was sparring and focusing everything on that so he was able to put aside his pain and emotions. It was a start.

Sam wished that Dean could have been here to work with Oliver. If the two of them could have learned how to fight like this years ago a lot of things would have had different outcomes. They had been good hunters but they would have been 10 times deadlier if they could have moved together like this. He watched every little move and nuance of what Oliver was doing and how he was moving. At the warehouse when Oliver had taken out all the demons there was too much going on for Sam to really process or understand what he had been doing, plus he had been moving so fast. Oliver didn't think about moving and fighting, he just did it. It wasn't about punch, jab, block, kick it was just moving from moment to moment, planning, adjusting and reacting to the ever changing scenario of a fight instantaneously. No thought, just movement. Sam was thinking about staying the whole month just to train everyday with Oliver. If he was going to fighting alone now he needed improve his skills.

About two hours in Felicity brought them huge glasses of water.

"It makes me happy when you guys get all sweaty." she said as she put the glasses on the dock. Oliver looked at her, waiting for it. As she stood up she stopped. "Well, because it makes you happy to get each other all sweaty. I mean…." her face started getting red. "Here's some water, I'll be leaving now. " she started walking quickly back to the house. Oliver started to chuckle. Sam shot him a look.

"She does that a lot, she's getting better. When we first started working together how she would phrase things was near disastrous. I got a lot of practice at not laughing at things. She doesn't seem to understand innuendos well. I'd been dead several times over if it wasn't for her though." " Oliver took a long drink from a glass.

"Yeah. When I watched her monitor you guys, she's amazing. She really is. " Sam said and Oliver saw a bit of sadness and regret in Sam's eyes.

"Keep going or do you need a break? " Oliver asked

"I'm good. Tomorrow I won't be moving but that's then. Let's do this. "

"Alright then. " Oliver smiled and faked a punch at Sam's face.

They went at it for another two hours and Oliver called a halt, his muscles were burning and he was panting. Sam had been pushing him hard for the last half an hour applying what Oliver had been teaching him. Somehow Sam had been moving faster and faster towards the end. Oliver saw some glimpses of anger in his eyes and movements but it seemed as if he was controlling it, not the other way around. .

"Hey we need to get cleaned up, eat something and head to town to get the car. I think we managed to burn off breakfast. " Oliver said as he ducked a punch.

"Ok, sounds good" Sam threw a kick and managed to catch Oliver on his upper thigh and was rewarded with a wince and a sharp intake of breath. The longer they had sparred the more Sam had picked up but his rage had started to reappear. He felt it building as memories of other fights he had been in with Dean had cropped up. Unwilling to channel it into harder hits he used it to overcome his exhaustion. Truth to tell 2 hours in Sam's muscles had been screaming at him. He and Dean hadn't really ever trained like this, there was so much daily violence in their lives they had never felt the need to actually train. The physical pain started serving as a way to release all the emotional pain. When Oliver finally called a halt to the session he had wanted to snarl at him, this was something he needed how dare Oliver stop it. Then he caught himself took a deep breath and nodded. They cooled down and then walked back to the house.

"Well I hope I don't have to fight anyone tonight, I don't think I'd be able to do much. Good job Sam! You learn and adapt pretty fast. I'm impressed. If you want to join up with us some time I can always use the help. " Oliver said. He reached his hand out to Sam. Sam clasped his hand, pulled him in close and half embraced him with the other arm.

"Thanks, I was thinking it may be worth hanging out here a bit longer. Once I get back to hunting I'll be on my own, I need to learn some new skills to survive. If you don't mind teaching me. " It'd been a long time since anyone had complimented Sam on something, it felt good. Dean was never much for positive reinforcement.

"I wouldn't mind at all. They won't all be 4 hour marathon sessions though. Occasionally I need to look like I am running a company. " Oliver replied.

"Huh, that's just an excuse. You don't want me kicking your ass in 2 weeks. " Sam laughed.  
Felicity had seen them start heading up to the house and figured they'd be hungry. She started putting together some sandwiches. She had been spending the time monitoring police scanners and trying to track down any other information on the Mirakure. It had been a frustratingly fruitless search. Even though Oliver wasn't really talking about it she knew it was weighing on him that they hadn't had any breakthrough. It was as if whoever was running this was anticipating Oliver's moves. It had left Felicity on edge. As she set down the sandwiches when the guys walked into the kitchen she put the plates down with a lot more force than usual.

"Here, I figured you'd be hungry. " she almost snapped at them and walked back to her computers. Oliver and Sam looked at each other and followed her.

"You ok? " Oliver asked.

"Yes, just frustrated. I can't find anything about the Mirakure. There's got to be something out there but I am not finding it. "

"What's this Mirakure?" Sam asked

"Long story but the short version is it is a serum that makes super soldiers. " Oliver stated, his tone also getting a bit sharp. "Sorry. Not angry at you. It gives a person super strength, incredibly high pain tolerance and faster healing. I ran into it on the island, now it's here and some things have happened that make me think someone is trying to assemble an army of these people. " Oliver's knuckles started to turn white he was clenching them so tight. He caught himself and took some deep breaths. No reason to get angry at Sam or Felicity. "I had a run in with one of these guys here already and almost had to drop a building on him to incapacitate him. It makes it hard to get information since they seem to brush off most pain, arrows are in some ways useless with someone who's been injected. She's been working on modified arrows to stun people and other things. "

"So basically supernatural strength but they are mortal. Ever think of using shotguns and taking out some knees. Doesn't matter how strong you are if your knees are shattered you're not getting too far. " Sam asked.

"It may get to that point. Dig and I have been talking about that. We have to find out what they are planning. 20 people with even basic fight training would be an army all by themselves. " Oliver said. "Felicity, I know you're frustrated, we all are. Just keep at it. Something will pop up, someone will make a mistake. Thanks for all the time you're putting in on this. Sam and I are going to clean up, eat and go pick up the Impala. We should be back in about an hour or two. "

"Ok Oli. I'll keep at it. "

The two men headed back to the kitchen, wolfed down their sandwiches, showered, changed and headed to the club. Sam was having mixed emotions about seeing the Impala again and he sat staring out the window on the drive.

"Sam? Are you ready to do this? " Oliver asked.

"Yeah I guess. It's easier to forget when the car isn't around. That was our Dad's car, he bought it when he and Mom were dating. He kept and maintained it this whole time. Once Dean was old enough to drive Dad bought a truck and gave the car to Dean. I only got to drive it when Dean was sleeping. There's a lot of history around that car. It's just...it's going to take a long time to get used to driving it without Dean in it, much less to driving it at all. Whether or not I'm ready I am going to have to get used to it. I am not selling her or letting her rot somewhere. She's as much part of the family as Dean or Dad was. You don't abandon family." he said in a resolute tone. The Impala was all he had left, he wasn't going to let her go.

"Alright. " Oliver said. He turned into the parking lot of the club and the truck was there. He heard Sam catch his breath a bit. Oliver found himself wishing it had taken longer for the car to arrive, it was going to destabilize Sam again but he had been right about needing to get used to be without Dean. Oliver just hoped it didn't make Sam start spiraling down again. Oliver parked and he and Sam got out and walked over to meet the driver.

"Mr. Queen?" the driver walked up and reached out his hand.

"Yes. Thank for you delivering it so quickly." Oliver replied.

"Of course. We do our best. If you could sign here I'll go ahead and pull the vehicle out for you." the driver replied. "I'll need to see some ID as well sir. " Oliver showed him his license, signed the papers and the driver opened the back of the truck, lowered the ramp and started the Impala up. As soon as Sam heard the engine he felt his stomach start to clench up. As the car slowly came down the ramp he felt the blocks he had tried to put on his emotions start coming apart. His hands started to clench and he felt Oliver's hand on his shoulder. Sam closed his eyes, "God, I miss you Dean." He thought to himself. He heard the car come to a stop as the engine shifted into neutral and he opened his eyes. The driver got out of the car, leaving the keys in the car and walked over to Oliver.

"If you don't mind me saying so Mr. Queen, that is an amazing car. The prior owner must have loved her immensely. I haven't heard a muscle car sound like that in a long time. I'll admit I looked under the hood, that engine is spotless. Make sure you take good care of her. I'll be on my way. " The driver closed up the back of the truck, got in the cab and headed out.

"He did. " Sam said softly. Then he took a deep breath and walked over to the Impala and got in the driver's side. Fortunately the radio was off, he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle the music right now. "Well Baby, it's just you and me now. I guess I better learn how to take care of you. You miss him too I imagine. " Sam ran his hand along the dash and laid his head down on the steering wheel. "Dean, I'm going to keep trying to find a way to get you back. I'm only taking care of her until I see you again. One way or another."

Oliver hadn't followed Sam to the car. This was something Sam had to do alone. His phone rang, it was Felicity.

"Hi. What's up?

"Oli, we have a problem." she said. He knew by her tone that he was going to have to suit up. "There's a break in at another medical facility. I think it's Mirakure related, the cops are sending SWAT. From the 911 call I heard it's one guy and he just tore through the locked doors like they were paper. There's more. Dig is on the other side of town, he won't get there in time to help you. It's a facility that's 10 minutes from the club. Dig is about 40 minutes away not including traffic. I know it only takes you 5 minutes tops to suit up. The cops are on the way. I can't divert them they'll be there in 20 minutes. I've got eyes on the outside of the building but I am still trying to get into the cameras in the facility. It looks like the trucks that are waiting to transport whatever they are stealing are on the south side alley. It's the research facility on 10th and Lemon. The bike is here but I can navigate you in the car down the alleys and get you there in 10 mins. What do you want to do? " She knew that Oliver would not want to do this alone but he would if he had no choice.

This was Oliver's worst nightmare when it came to dealing with the Mirakure situation, no backup, cars were harder to hide than the bike and law enforcement was going to get in the way and probably hurt. He had to see if he could stop what it was they were trying to take and try to get some sort of lead as to where they were making it and who was in charge. Oliver's eyes focused on the Impala, Sam wasn't ready for this so there was no way Oliver could ask him to help.

"I'll get ready. Be ready to guide me in 5 minutes. " Oliver told her and hung up.

Sam had heard Oliver's phone go off. In an attempt to distract himself from the thoughts going around in his head he had turned and watched Oliver. He saw his fists clench and his face go blank but his eyes had filled with anger. It had to be something serious. Sam turned the car off, walked around to the back of the car and popped the trunk. They had left the shotguns in the trunk and he had some rounds for them that weren't filled with salt. He needed to get back into the action and he owed Oliver. He closed the trunk , leaned against it and looked at Oliver.

"Problems?" he asked

"Yes, but nothing I can't handle. " Oliver said, his tone was deeper and more intent.

"Then why are you so angry? Is it the super soldiers?"

Damn all these people that could read him like a book Oliver thought to himself.

"You're not ready for a fight, your control is too shaky still. I need to get going. " Oliver turned to head into the club.

Sam just turned and walked with him.

"Sam, I'm serious. Right now you're a liability."

"I will say this one time and one time only. You and Dig said you see me as family. Family doesn't abandon family. Dig's not here and from that look on your face I am guessing he's too far away to get to wherever it is you need to be fast enough. So that leaves me. I'll follow your lead but I am not letting you get into a situation where I am stuck telling Felicity that you're injured or dead. So I'm coming. I'll be fine. We can take the Impala, you can lay down in the back. There's no way that car can be traced back to you. Besides, there's shotguns in the back. You know you need backup so stop arguing with me about it. " Sam's tone was rock solid. Oliver knew he was right too. He needed the backup.

"Fine, but don't kill anyone. SWAT is on the way. I am trying to build some sort of trust with them, there's someone on the force that I work with sometimes. They don't know my identity but they know I am trying to do the right thing. We get there, try to stop whatever is going on and see if we can track them back to their headquarters or find out what they are up to. "

"Got it. Do you have any extra shotgun shells? I have a few but most of them are loaded for demons and spirits. " Sam asked

"Yes. " Oliver said, he punched the code into the keypad and walked in. Sam was not at all prepared for what Arrow HQ looked like. It was spotless, there were several computer monitors all clustered around a chair. That must be Felicity's usual spot, Oliver's suit was encased in display case made of glass. It looked like a museum show piece. Seeing it in good lighting he saw just how much detail and planning had gone into the making of it. There was stand that held his bow and arrows. Sam saw machinery for making and sharpening arrowheads, a wooden trunk and a workout area with some workout gear Sam had never seen. He doubted Oliver was in the mood for a guided tour though. As he watched Oliver gather all his gear and suit up he saw the switchover in personality occur. It fascinated him that as Oliver got dressed into a suit that was supposed to hide his identity, that his real nature and identity came into being. His movements became more focused, more fluid, it seemed to Sam that the Oliver he had known up until now was the disguise. This Oliver, the hunter, the vigilante, the survivor, that was who Oliver really was. His torments and trials on the island had honed his man into something more, something in some ways almost superhuman.

As Oliver finished suiting up he pointed to some boxes in a corner. "The shells are in those boxes. There's other ammo in there as well. Take what you need. Grab an earpiece from over by the monitors. That's where she keeps them." His voice was deeper, rougher and he wasn't even disguising it yet. Oliver turned around in the act of putting his mask on and Sam was almost stopped in his tracks by the sense of menace that radiated off of Oliver. Sam caught himself slowing his movements as he walked to the boxes that held the ammo, as if he didn't want to attract the attention of the predator that had suddenly appeared. Oliver finished putting on the mask, picked up his bow and quiver of arrows. Sam kept an eye on him, watching as Oliver worked to control the predatory part. When he turned back to face Sam the menace was still there but it had been turned down a notch or two. Sam grabbed the shells, some ammo for other weapons he had and an earpiece. He put it in his ear then he heard Oliver's voice behind him and in his ear at the same time.

"Felicity, Sam is coming with me. I promise I will do everything to come back safe and keep Sam from harm. Tell Dig his presence may still be required so to get there as fast as he can. We are taking the Impala which is a bit wider so be aware of that when you pick our route. We're heading to the car now. " His tone conveyed utter command and authority. " Sam test your earpiece. "

Sam pushed the button " Hey Felicity, you hear me ok? "

"Yes Sam, be careful. I'll guide you to where you need to go. " he heard her voice in his ear. Their guardian angel was on the job.

"Ok. I'll do whatever you say. "

The two men headed to the Impala, Oliver got in the back and laid down. At least he didn't have to curl his legs up in this car. Sam got in the driver's seat and started the car. He turned his entire focus to getting Oliver through tonight whatever it cost. He was not going to let anyone else down.

"You going to tuck and roll before we stop or do you want to just pull up to the door?" Sam asked.

Oliver pushed the button on his earpiece down "Felicity, give me an update please."

"Right, truck still waiting on the south side. The door he busted into was on the east side of the building. I think they took down the security system because I still haven't accessed it. There are two floors to the building. There was another call to 911 someone stating that the guy was in the lab on the west side of the ground floor. He seems to be going after some equipment. I pulled up the schematics of the building and there is a window into the lab, I think you can get in that way. "

"I can shoot out that window for you. Save you the trouble of breaking it. " Sam said

"Are the lights still on in the building?" Oliver asked.

"Yes."

"Ok, we will shoot out the window, I'll take out the lights when I get in there. Sam, you cover me. If things get out of hand do whatever you need to to stop him, just don't kill him. " Oliver said.

"I can get you within about 100 feet of the window. The alley narrows too much to get the Impala through." Felicity said.

"That's fine. Get us there as fast as you can. "

For the next 10 minutes Sam followed Felicity's directions, she had picked alleys and back streets that would just barely fit the car but she got them there. She told Sam to stop, he did, turned off the car and headed to the trunk. Oliver got out of the back and crouched down between the alley wall and the car. Sam grabbed two shotguns, one had a strap on it so he could strap it across his back, the .44 and one of the larger knives. He loaded the shotguns, tucked extra shells and an extra clip into his pockets and they ran to the window. Oliver peeked in the window and saw a man ripping various machines out of the walls and the floor and stacking them on a pallet in the middle of the floor. Some of the equipment Oliver knew had been secured to the walls.

"This makes no sense" Sam said. "His getaway vehicle is on the other side of the building, I don't care how strong he is he can't carry all that in a decent amount of time to the truck. "

"I agree. However he's here so this is where we stop him. Get that window out of my way." Oliver pushed off the wall and backed up a few steps from the window. He had memorized the locations of the lights he would need to shoot out as he entered the building. Sam nodded, put the shotgun up to the window, looked away to protect his eyes and pulled the trigger. As soon as Oliver heard the shot he was moving, he dove through the shattering glass, rolled, came up took out three lights and shot a smoke arrow into the wall then circled around to the right of a table for some cover.

Sam pushed the button on his earpiece. "He's in the room. Something is odd about this. Keep your eyes on the truck, I have him. Check out the surroundings too. I'm going in to cover him. " Sam dove through the window and circled left, there was a cubicle that he could use for cover but still keep an eye on Oliver.

The man stopped moving. He was about 6'1, average build, he certainly didn't look like he should be able to pull industrial equipment out of walls. He had dirty brown hair and brown eyes that looked like he was on the edge of madness.

"Oh look, we have company. He knew you would come. You always do. He's waiting for you." the man said, his voice tinged with contempt and rage.

"Who?" Oliver asked.

"Like I'm going to tell you. We are on the same side, he wants to tear down those that corrupt this city just like you. " he reached over, picked up a table like it was a plaything and threw it in the direction Oliver's voice was coming from.

Oliver rolled out of the way and crouching aimed at the man's thigh, most normal people would drop when an arrow pierced their leg. The man just looked down, pulled the arrow out of his leg.

"You'll have to do better than that. " then he moved. Oliver wasn't prepared for the speed the man had, especially with his leg muscles having just been pierced with one of his arrows. He narrowly got out of the way of the man's fist which connected and punched all the way through the wall behind Oliver. Oliver tried to kick the injured leg out from under him to get him to drop and it was like kicking a pillar there was no give, no shift of weight , nothing. The man reached down in a flash, grabbed the front of Oliver's suit and threw him all the way across the room into some tables. Oliver absorbed the impact as much as he could but he still got the wind knocked out of him, he looked up barely in time to duck another desk that came flying at him.

Sam hadn't gotten a clear shot yet and he didn't want to reveal his presence. He had to make sure his shots counted if this guy knocked him out Oliver would have no chance at all. For some reason his hands were sweating and his pulse was racing, he shouldn't be this upset. He'd been in plenty of fights. His breath started to come faster and faster. He consciously slowed his breathing and waited.

The man came running at Oliver right behind the desk, Oliver side stepped him, stabbed him in the kidney with another arrow stepped back to see if that had any effect. The man just reached out, grabbed him by the throat, using the other hand yanked the arrow out of his kidney and plunged it through Oliver's shoulder and into the wall, pinning him. Oliver screamed.

Sam saw the arrow plunge into Oliver, heard him scream and the next thing he remembered was he was standing over the super soldier. He had shot both of his knees out at what looked to be point blank range with the shotgun, both his hands were pierced with bullet holes from the .44 and he was on the ground screaming. He heard Felicity in his ear. Sam looked at the person bleeding on the ground, he looked at Oliver who was holding his shoulder. Something broke inside him. Not again, Sam thought, not again. He would not fail anyone else. He was shaking with rage and an ever increasing desire to cause someone an intense amount of pain.

"Guys there's a helicopter coming and SWAT is almost there. I think they are going to airlift the stuff out." Oliver was on the ground holding his shoulder and covered in blood, most of it was not his. Sam walked over to the pallet filled with equipment and unloaded shell after shell into it to make sure no one would be using it.

"Get out of here" He said to Oliver. "I'll get your information. Arrange pickup elsewhere.". Oliver looked at him and started to speak. "Shut up, go NOW" Sam shouted. Oliver got up and went back out the window.

Sam looked down at the writhing figure on the ground.

"You have information I want. You will give it to me. "

"Fuck you, I won't betray the cause." The man spat out at Sam.

"You just made my day." Sam's tone was hungry, hungry for pain. It was time someone else got to hurt instead of him. It was time to start the payback. It didn't matter if this guy was a demon, he had hurt someone, somewhere and that is all that mattered. Sam reached into his jacket pocket, he had the salt filled shells that he had taken out when loading the regular loads into the shotgun. He popped out the regular rounds and put the salt filled ones in the shotgun. Then he walked over and pushed some tables against the doors so he wouldn't be disturbed by SWAT for a few more minutes.

"I was always curious as to how much pain salt in an open wound would cause. You get to be my test subject." The super soldier's face took on a arrogant look.

"Go for it bitch." he said

Sam put the shotgun a few inches from the one of the gaping holes where there had been a knee and pulled the trigger. The super soldier screamed in agony. Sam didn't stop, he pumped another round in the other knee. The screams reached into a higher register and went on and on for another minute or two, then the supersoldier was gasping for air.

"Huh, guess it does hurt. " It wasn't enough though, Sam wanted to hurt this bastard more. "So how about that information. Where are you working out of?"

"You're dead. " the soldier gasped. "I have back up they'll kill you. "

Sam heard Felicity's voice. "He took out the van, and they are chasing him. " Her voice sounded shaky.

"Your friends are busy. Seems they have a short attention span. So you and I get some more quality time together. " Sam took out the knife and sliced at the solider's thigh muscle, then across his stomach and shoulder. Deep enough to hurt but not to seriously injure him yet. The soldier screamed some more.

"See, the guy with the hood. He still has a conscience, mine's sort of left town for bit. "

"SWAT will be there in 5 mins. " Felicity said

Sam had been looking around and found a bottle labeled HCL. He picked it up, opened it and without any warning poured it on the man's hand. The man couldn't even scream at this point, the pain seemed to be so intense that he was unable to make a sound.

"Guess your pain tolerance isn't all that great. So when you can breathe again you have 2 minutes to tell me where you guys operate out of , who's leading this group and any other information that may be useful. Oh in 1 more minute I start pouring this on the knife wounds." he was rather hoping the guy wouldn't talk.

"There's a warehouse, on Cedar and Maple. In Crescent Circle, we meet there. " He was speaking rapidly, his voice thready with pain. " I don't know who he is, he wears a skull mask. He injected us with this stuff, to make us stronger. " His eyes started to go out off focus " We will save this city from the corruption. No one can stop the revolution." As he said those last words his eyes went blank. Sam felt for a pulse. Still alive. Can't have that, no point in leaving enemies behind. Sam pulled out the .44 and put a bullet in the man's head. Then he walked around and picked up Oliver's arrows. Oliver was family, he had to protect family. Then he thought how lovely it would be for there to be a fire here. Fires clean up evidence nicely. He wouldn't have time to set a good one though.

"SWAT has arrived." he heard a voice in his ear.

He and Dean had always hated dealing with cops. They never knew what the hell was really going on. He hopped out the broken window and strolled back to the Impala. He threw all the weapons in the trunk. He pushed the button on the earpiece.

"There's a warehouse on Cedar and Maple in Crescent Circle. Apparently that is where they are operating out of. There's some sort of revolution against corruption being planned. I can go over and check it out if you would like. I could use some more excitement. I tried to get more information but he passed out. Sorry. What do you want me to do? "

Felicity had managed to get a security feed to work right after Oliver had left. It was a small camera in the back of the room. It had both audio and video capability. She had seen everything Sam had done. She was shaking she needed to keep Sam away from causing more damage. She had texted Dig and Oliver about what was happening but they weren't in a position to stop him

"There are a lot of warehouses there. We can't check them all out right now. Come back, Oliver's hurt anyway. " she hoped that he would listen.

"I could go check them out, the night's young. " Sam said.

"Please Sam, just come back. Dig is closer he is going to go see if he can spot any activity. You've done enough. " She lied but she didn't care.

"Oh, ok. I'll head back then. " Sam whistled to himself as he got in the car. He turned on the radio and Sympathy for the Devil blared over the speakers. He smiled, how appropriate for his mood he thought. He reached up and adjusted the rear view mirror. He saw his blood covered face reflected back at him and in the lighting his eyes looked black. His hands started shaking, he looked over at the passenger seat and he swore he saw Dean sitting there, covered in blood and puncture wounds from the hellhounds.

"Sammy, why? Is this what I died for? So you could become the monster we hunted. I told you to not live for revenge. " Dean's eyes were filled with pain and sorrow as he looked at Sam. Then his eyes went out of focus and he started screaming, long tortured screams. The image faded and Sam was alone again. He dove out of the driver's seat into the alley and threw up. When he could finally move again he remembered something. Dean always had a flask of whiskey in the weapons compartment. Sam opened up the trunk again and with shaking hands started digging through all the weapons until he found it. Relief flooded through him and he sat back down in the car and started drinking it as fast as he could.


	10. Chapter 10 No Good Choices

Oliver had watched as Sam came charging out of the cubicle and shot the super soldier point blank in both knees then pull the .44 out of his waistband and take out both his hands. The soldier dropped to the floor screaming and Oliver's face and chest got covered in blood. When he looked back up at Sam his heart dropped. Sam was gone, all that was left was rage. He had to make an immediate decision. He couldn't argue with Sam in this situation, one Sam wasn't listening to reason, two it would waste time, three Oliver's name would probably get spoken and four, although it sickened Oliver to admit it, Sam would not stop hurting this guy until he got what they needed. Oliver needed that information. He remembered the conversation with Bobby about "Winchester Idiocy". That information was more important than Sam's stability right now. Sam wasn't in any physical danger and Oliver would take responsibility for however Sam came out at the end of this. Sam yelled at him to leave. He had to, but he was going to make sure Sam had as much time as possible to get this guy to break. He grabbed his bow and dove out the window.

"Felicity, eyes on me. Sam is fine, don't worry about him right now. He's going to get the information. I need to give him time. That truck. Where is it? How many people are in it? " Oliver had to keep her focused on him, he didn't want her seeing what Sam was going to do.

"South side, I can't see too much the angles are crappy but it looks like 2 people but it is a truck so there could be more in the back. The helicopter turned around, maybe it got some sort of signal that the job was blown. Swat is still on the way though. " she said

"Right, I am taking out that truck and providing a distraction. " With his shoulder injured drawing the bow was not an option. He ran around to the south side and ducked behind a dumpster. Looks like someone had told the people in the truck that their friend needed help. 4 guys got out of the back and one hopped out of the cab. Oliver hoped to hell that these guys had not been injected with Mirakure or this would not end well for him. He grabbed two flechettes, threw them and took out the two tires in the front. That got the immediate attention of the 5 men by the truck. Then he plunged an explosive arrow in the ground and set the timer for 10 seconds and started climbing up a pipe he had seen on the side of the wall. He needed to split these guys up. The arrow went off, 3 men went to investigate and 2 stayed by the truck. Oliver crouched down on the roof, he threw a flechette at one of the men by the truck. He went down grabbing his neck. The other one spotted Oliver and started firing, that had been what he wanted. The roof had several places for him to play hide and seek with these guys. He ducked under an air conditioning unit. He heard footsteps on the roof. They must have found a roof access or climbed the pipe like he had. He closed his eyes and listened. His shoulder was bleeding and he didn't have a lot of time until the blood loss was going to start taking a toll. The steps got closer to him, he opened his eyes, aimed through the housing on the unit that had a gap just wide enough for him to get a dart through, it stuck and someone howled in pain. Good, they weren't on Mirakure. At least that gave him hope. He closed his eyes again and listened, two more sets of footsteps one to his left and the echoes on the other one made it hard to determine the location but it sounded as if it was behind him.. There was a roof access doorway that offered concealment about 15 feet to his right. Oliver started to make his way towards it when he heard gunfire from his right. . He felt a bullet slice narrowly miss him, plucking his hood, he ducked and rolled, grabbed another flechette, spun, saw the gunman who had just crested the roof enough to get a shot, and threw it. Then he jumped off the roof, rolled and came up running the opposite way from Sam. He didn't like the odds of close quarter combat with 3 guys with guns and him with an injured shoulder. He heard the sounds of footsteps behind him.

"I have their attention. " He came up to a wall, jumped up on it, pulled himself up with one arm. The wall lead to a roof but they would probably be expecting that. He looked down and there another lower wall below him and with a wall running parallel to that. There was about 10 feet in between walls. The wall that was further away seemed to lead to some sort of garden courtyard area. That would work. Oliver heard the men clearing the corner, he hopped to the lower wall, hopped to the wall that was parallel from it. Landed on top, jumped down into the courtyard hoping no one was there and ran. This wasn't the Glades and he was surprised he hadn't seen anyone. Just as he had that thought someone came around the corner in front of him. There was a wall to his left, he blindly vaulted it and landed on some industrial piping that was running through the facility. He ducked down in between the shadows on the piping.

"Ok where the hell am I?" he asked Felicity. "I can't keep running around, it's too early in the day for that. " She didn't respond.

'Felicity? Can you hear me?" So far they had never had reception problems.

"Yes. "Her voice was shaky. "Sorry, stay there for now. I guided Diggle through traffic I'll send him to you. "

'What's wrong?" he asked

"N..Nothing." she stammered. "Are you ok? " she asked him

"Arrow through the shoulder. I'll be ok. I'll wait here." He tucked even farther in the shadows and tried to staunch the bleeding in his shoulder.

A few minutes later he heard a car pull up and Diggle said "Ride's here." He hopped out of the shadows, landed on top of the car, hopped off the roof and into the backseat.

"So the Mirakure guys do archery now too?" Diggle asked.

"No, he stabbed me with my own arrow. Good thing I keep them so sharp, leaves a nice clean hole. Easy to stitch." Diggle was going to reply but he got a text on his phone. He looked at it and started swearing.

"Fuck! Oliver what the hell happened?" Diggle was furious. He literally threw the phone at Oliver who barely caught it in time. The text was from Felicity stating that she had watched Sam torture the super soldier and she was panicking.

"Oh no. Shit." he closed his eyes. "I told her to keep her eyes on me. "

"Let me repeat. " Diggle said, his voice barely controlled. "What happened?"

"Dig, I didn't have a choice."  
"Bullshit, there is always a damn choice. Why is Sam out on a job? He's not ready for that. I swear I cannot leave you alone for a fucking day without you trying to get yourself killed. It's not like we can't track one fucking truck through traffic. Felicity could have followed it on cameras you idiot. I could have gotten there in plenty of time for that. "

"SWAT was on the way already! They would have been killed or worse. " Oliver snapped. "You think I wanted this? We got there and the super soldier was stacking up equipment on a pallet to somehow airlift it as there was a helicopter in route. I don't think the truck was to get the gear out. The super soldier could have just broken down a wall, carried the pallet out hooked it up to a the helicopter. We wouldn't have been able to follow that! "

"We weren't positive it was Mirakure related for sure until we got there. It's not like they wear uniforms. Sam didn't give me a choice either. The robbery started when we were at the club picking up the Impala. He was already there and he made the very good point that I needed back up. This was the first break with Mirakure in over a month. Something big is happening with it and I will not fail these people again!" As he had continued talking he grew angrier and angrier and his tone was downright frigid by the end. Oliver didn't allow his rage to get hot and out of control anymore, anger was a weapon that he had to control.

Diggle hadn't had earpieces in on his ride there. Felicity had called him on the phone to guide him to where Oliver was so he hadn't known about the helicopter. "Airlift? What the hell? That's not cheap. Whoever is behind all this has cash."

'I am aware of that. Now do you understand why I had to take Sam in? I didn't have the bike. I took Felicity's car to take Sam to get the Impala. We used the Impala since there is no way that can trace back to me. Not to mention it's not even full night yet. They are getting bold breaking into a lab in daylight to steal equipment. I don't even know how many people in the lab got hurt or killed. " Oliver's heart dropped as he realize he hadn't heard from Felicity. She usually gave him updates from the police scanners if people were wounded.

"We have to get to the Lake House, I can patch up there. She's going to be in shock from whatever she saw. There is also the unknown factor of Sam. He gave into the rage Dig. He wanted to torture someone, he needed to inflict pain." Now that he wasn't in the middle of a fight Oliver had time to process what he had seen a bit further.

"What happened to set him off? " Dig asked

"We sparred for about 4 hours today, he seemed fine. We got back into the house and Felicity was frustrated about not getting any information on the serum. He asked what it was and I told him. Probably a dumb move on my part looking at it now. Anyway we went got the Impala. He was having a hard time with seeing it again. Did you know that was their Dad's car? He passed it down to Dean when he was old enough to drive. That car has been in their life as long as they have been alive. Anyway, Sam had pointed out earlier that shotguns to kneecaps would stop someone no matter how hopped up on a serum they were.

We were standing in the parking lot of the club when she called and told me about the break in. Sam reads me as well as you do it seems and knew something serious was going on. When I told him he would only be a liability he threw the fact that you and I had called him family back in my face and stated that family doesn't abandon family. He then pointed out that I needed backup, the Impala had shotguns and other guns in it and I needed a ride. There wasn't a whole lot of room for me to argue on any of those points. I suited up and we headed out. Long story short, he shot out the window, I took out the lights, got some tables thrown at me, nailed the guy once in the kidney and once in the leg and he didn't even blink. He picked me up, pinned me against the wall and stabbed me through the shoulder with the arrow that had been in his kidney. I screamed and Sam came charging out from behind the cubicle. He took out the guys knees, took out both his hands with a .44 and told me he would get the information I needed. I'll assume that seeing me pinned against a wall and screaming reminded him of Dean's death and he lost it. There was no humanity in him anymore. " He stopped talking. He didn't want to tell Dig why he let Sam do it. He knew he would ask though.

"Explain to me why after super soldier was down you didn't just knock Sam out and take over. I've seen you do that much or more with more serious injuries. "

Oliver didn't respond.

"You wanted him to. You're trying to rein in your violence so you let Sam do it. You chose the information over Sam's mental state. " Dig didn't know how to handle that. He had been wanting to talk to Oliver about the need sometimes for sacrificing someone for the mission but this, this was different. This wasn't someone sacrificing their life in an attempt to save others. Oliver had taken advantage of Sam's mental break to get what he needed. He had let Sam's humanity die, there was nothing noble in that for either Sam or Oliver.

"Yes I did. Sam told me to shut up and go. I made a decision to sacrifice his humanity at that moment to try to save others from whatever is going on. Sam is my responsibility from now on. If he cannot be brought back from this then I will make sure he's no longer a threat to anyone. " Oliver's voice was brittle, this was going to be one of the hardest things he would have to do and it may destroy his friendships with Diggle and Felicity. He knew he had lost respect from Diggle and Felicity would never trust him again. He would lose another family. The problem was that no matter how he looked at it he didn't think he would choose differently. Diggle and Felicity didn't understand how bad things could get if Mirakure was used in some sort of uprising. He had seen it close up. The Undertaking would be nothing compared to what he felt was brewing on the horizon.

"The only way to do that would be to kill him. " Diggle said, his voice as cold as Oliver's had been.

"I know. " Was all that Oliver said in reply

Diggle looked up at the rear view mirror and looked at Oliver. He had taken off the mask and his eyes were empty. As much as Diggle wanted to despise and hate Oliver he couldn't. Since the Undertaking the lives of the people in this city had weighed heavier and heavier on Oliver. Diggle had watched him mature and grow. The endless nights hunting, patrolling and trying to stop ever present threats had honed Oliver even more into a weapon and a leader. He had weighed the cost of Sam's sanity against the lives of innocents and made one of the hardest choices anyone in a combat situation has to make. Who lives and who dies. He was also willing to accept responsibility for the monster he may have created; and make the ultimate choice to end a life of someone he knew and cared about because they had now become a danger to others. Diggle sighed

"Oliver….." he couldn't think of anything to say and Oliver's expression showed that he wouldn't accept sympathy or understanding right now. He was already preparing for the rejection from his friends that he thought would come next. That told Dig what he needed to say. " What do you need from me?"

Oliver's eyes snapped to the reflection of Diggle's eyes in the mirror. Dig saw the gratitude and relief flooding through those piercing blue eyes. Oliver reached out his uninjured arm and squeezed Dig's shoulder. "Thank you."

"Get us to the Lake House fast. I am going to try to get Felicity talking while we're on the way. " He felt the car accelerate as he pushed his earpiece button.

"Felicity, we got your text. Please talk to us. "

"Call me. " Was all he got in reply. He grabbed Dig's phone and called her.

"Oliver, oh god. Sam still has his earpiece in and I don't want him to hear. What happened? What he was doing to that man! He poured acid on him! He shot him with rock salt in both wounded knees. I heard it all. I saw everything. I got into a security feed right as you jumped out the window and started heading to the truck. You LIED to me. You said Sam was fine. Why would you say that?" she could barely breathe.

Oliver hadn't wanted to dwell on what Sam had done because at the time he thought Felicity couldn't see anything. He should have known that she would find a way to monitor the place. Oliver wasn't shocked about what Sam did, he was actually surprised it had been that minimal. Felicity however was not used to any of this so he focused on her.

"Try to breathe. I know I lied I'm sorry. " he started to say

'Why did you leave him there?!" she nearly screamed into the phone.

How to explain all of this. He didn't know where to start.

"I am not sure of how to explain this…" she interrupted him again

'How about the truth? Your thought process? What possessed you to do that?" Her tone was hard and angry.

"Fine! " He replied his own tone heated. "That man had been injected with the serum, he had thrown two tables at me and had not flinched when I stuck an arrow in his leg and kidney. He pinned me against the wall and drove an arrow through my shoulder. I screamed. Sam came out from his cover position and blew the guys knees off, stuck a bullet in each hand. The guy dropped me and Sam told me he would get the information for me and to leave. I had a choice to make. Save Sam or get information you and I have been trying for over a month to get. Sam's humanity had disappeared, he wanted to hurt someone. You don't understand rage like that. I do. He wouldn't have listened to me and I didn't have time to fight him. I made the choice to let him turn into something soulless to try to save the lives of innocents. I am not proud of the choice and Sam is my responsibility now. " he took a breath and in a tone that held no doubt or guilt he said "That was my thought process. We have bigger concerns than Sam right now. I won't abandon him, however I will not put his welfare ahead of this city. If I had been more focused on the city and less on other things before the Undertaking I may have been able to save more people. "

Felicity's head snapped up, she had been crying, unable to process what she had watched. Oliver's voice was rock solid and the things he was saying made sense but it felt wrong.

"What's the point of saving this city when to do so we let our friends become monsters? If Diggle or I had abandoned you when you were struggling what would have happened to you? How about Shado and Yao Fei? Didn't they help you? " she said.

"Stop right there Felicity. " his voice cracked like a whip.

"No. I don't accept your thought process. You let Sam do something you aren't prepared to do yourself. You let Sam lose his humanity to save yours. Who's the soulless one Oliver? You or Sam? " she hung up the phone.

Diggle said nothing and just pushed the accelerator down farther. He had no idea how he was going to get the group through this but he had to. Oliver put the phone down. She was never going to forgive him for this. Damn it. What she said had stung him. All of the people she mentioned including her could have walked away from Oliver at any time but they kept helping him. Maybe at his core he really was nothing else than a manipulator, using people to achieve his goals no matter what they were. So many shattered relationships in his life, he didn't want another one. The only way to save his friendships now was to try to save Sam. It was ironic, awhile ago Felicity had told him it was about time for him to try to do something he wasn't good at. Now he had to do just that, he'd always been good about destroying relationships when they got too serious. Now he had to save one.


	11. Chapter 11 Rage and Repercusssions

Chapter 11

Felicity walked back to her desk. She hadn't told Sam but there was a tracker in the earpiece and he still had his in. She saw where he was going, it looked like he was stopping at a liquor store. She may be mad at Oliver but he had to fix this. She texted Diggle the address where Sam was. Diggle texted back that they were coming to the Lake House first. Oliver had lost a lot of blood and Diggle agreed with Oliver that Sam was not their main priority right now. Felicity didn't bother to reply. They were both being idiots.

"Sam, don't please. " she said

Sam heard Felicity in his ear. His guardian angel.

"Why not? I lost it. I gave into the rage. "

"It's not your fault. "

"You don't understand, I wanted to. It felt so good, someone else got to feel pain instead of me and people I love. Someone else got to scream themselves hoarse for once. . I'm becoming more and more like them. More and more like a demon. Maybe Oliver should just kill me and get it over with. I'm a danger to everyone." He knew, he just knew that it would happen again.

"Stop that right now!" her voice crackled in his ear. "Oliver should have stopped you. "

Sam just laughed, a weak, bitter laugh. " He couldn't. If he had tried I would have knocked him out or shot him. He knew it too. He knew what I had become. He was half stunned by being thrown into a wall and stabbed with his own arrow. I was standing over the both of them fully armed. I wouldn't have cared what he said. I just wanted to see the blood flow. The only person that could have stopped me is dead. Don't be mad at him. He made the right choice. He can't afford to lose control like I did tonight, it's too hard to get it back. I am fine with him using me to get that information. Hell I volunteered to do it. " Sam's voice was so empty.

'I'll find a place to stay until the window comes in. I don't deserve to be in that house anymore. Thank you all so much for trying to help me. I know you know my phone number, I'll pick up the window and leave town. " Sam pulled out the earpiece. He had found some extra credit cards that he and Dean had stashed in the compartment. He had managed to clean the blood off his face and hands at a park bathroom that he had found that was still opened. His shirt was beyond help, there was an extra shirt in the car he changed into. He walked into the liquor store and bought about $50.00 of alcohol and drove off. He didn't want to go to a motel or hotel yet. He just wanted to be left alone. He headed up the road to the Lake house and found a turn off about 4 miles from the house. He drove slowly down the gravel road and it stopped at another end of the lake. He got out of the car, sat on the hood and started drinking. Maybe he would just sleep out here tonight.

Diggle and Oliver drove past that turn out and headed to the house. Felicity hadn't informed them as to where Sam was. If she had a car she would have already driven out there to talk to Sam but Oliver had her car still at the club. She was going to have a long, and to use Oliver's phrasing , pointed conversation with both of them as soon as they got to the house. She heard the door open and stormed into the living room. She stopped when she saw Oliver. He was still covered in blood, the area around the shoulder wound was caked in his blood and then there was splatter from the soldier when Sam had shot him. Her words died on her lips. She walked over to him and helped him get his shirt off as Diggle got the first aid kit opened up. It was stuck to his shoulder from all the drying blood. Then she walked into the kitchen and got a bunch of towels wet with hot water, came back and started cleaning out the wound.

"I am still angry at you. " She said "However, you said Sam was your responsibility now. So here's the deal. You have said repeatedly that you owe me your life and in some ways your humanity. As soon as you get patched up you going to where he is and talk him out of wanting to die. You owe me at least that. He told me that you may as well kill him. I swear to you right now Oliver Queen that if Sam dies or is unable to recover from this I hold you fully responsible for that and you can find yourself a new guardian angel. I will not associate with people who throw friends away when it conveniences them. Understand? " she heard Diggle catch his breath.

"Felicity, Sam may not want to…" Dig started to say.

"Dig, shut up. Oliver survived 5 years on an island with people trying to kill him, he worked his way into the Russian mob, he learned Chinese and Russian so well that people think he is a native speaker. He learned archery and fighting skills that are on par with professional assassins. He can damn well do this. " her voice was shaking she was so furious. How dare Diggle think Sam didn't want to be saved!

Oliver reached his hand up, lightly held her hand that was wiping the blood off the front of his shoulder.

"Yes, I understand. After you clean that up Diggle and I will seal this off. Tell me where he is. I'll change clothes and go talk to him. " Oliver's tone was very quiet. They got Oliver stitched and bandaged up, Felicity told him where Sam was and he headed out. He was a bit light headed to be on the bike but he figured the ride would clear his head. It wasn't that far anyway. He pulled the bike onto the gravel road and pulled in behind the Impala. Sam was sitting in front of the car, staring at the lake and he had several six packs next to him. It looked like he had worked his way through quite a few.

"Come to kill me? I told Felicity you should. " Sam said without turning his head.

"No. Felicity saw everything. She tapped into a feed." Oliver saw Sam bow his head.

"Fuck. She still tried to talk me out of this even after seeing that? "

'She talked to you?" Oliver asked as he walked closer.

"Yeah over the earpiece. She tried to get me to not buy all the alcohol. I told her it didn't matter anymore. I wanted to do it, I wanted to see the blood, hear the screams. It felt so good. I'm turning into a demon more and more. I gather there's a tracking device in the earpiece. That's how you found me. " Sam said.

"Felicity's as stubborn as the rest of us about people she cares about. " he sat down next to Sam. "Mind if I have one?" he asked picking up a can.

"Go for it, you probably need it to dull that shoulder wound. I've got plenty. " Sam finally looked at Oliver. "Look, I really am grateful for what you, Dig and Felicity have tried to do. I am but I'm a threat to everyone I care about. Just leave or kill me. I'm tired Oliver, so tired of it all. " He turned his head away again, his movement heavy and exhausted.

"No. Family doesn't abandon family. I used you, for that I apologize. I took advantage of your breakdown because I can't allow myself to get caught up in the anger anymore. I have too many responsibilities, I have to control it. It was pointed out to me that perhaps that makes me more soulless than what you think you are. " Oliver said.

"Oliver, get off your high horse. You couldn't make me stop, you knew it. The only person who could have reached me right then was Dean, my Dad probably wouldn't have been able to make me stop. If you had tried I would have shot you in the other shoulder, that's why I told you to leave.. Oh I picked up your arrows too, I didn't want you associated with that mess. I volunteered to torture that guy because I wanted to. You're absolved of all guilt. Get over it. "

"Sam don't you see? The fact that you told me to leave, that you picked up the arrows, you can control this. You can make it through. " Oliver pleaded with him. He hadn't known about Sam picking up the arrows. That gave him hope.

"The problem is I don't want to. Did Felicity tell you anything I told her when we had our long talk? "

"No she felt it had been said in confidence. She kept whatever secrets you entrusted her with. "  
"Oliver, I swear, you ever hurt that woman I will kick your ass so hard. She deserves people a lot better than we are in her life. . Anyway, my mom was killed because she saw something. When I was six months old a demon came into my nursery, cut himself and let the blood drip into my mouth. He did this to a lot of kids. Apparently he was looking for a soldier to lead his demon army. Anyway, awhile ago I started having visions about other people that had the same thing happen to them. One day I woke up in an abandoned town with a bunch of the other people. It was kill or be killed, the demon's proving ground so to speak. One guy had super strength, sliced right through my spine. I died, Dean sold his soul, I came back. The point of all this is I have demon blood in me. I feel it calling to me, the darkness. It gets harder and harder to fight it. After Dean died, it's like quicksand. The more I struggle the deeper I get. I'm tired. I'm doomed to hell anyway may as well get there. At least I can see Dean again. Who knows, maybe we can figure a way out together." Sam emptied another beer can, tossed it aside and opened a new one.

"I'll trade you secret for secret Sam. That shipwreck, my father and I both survived it. We were days out on a life raft with no hope, supplies were gone. My father gave me a book that had a list of names in it. Names of powerful corrupt people. He told me that it was up to me to right his wrongs, that he had been hurting the people of this city and he couldn't live with that anymore. Then he pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head not 3 feet from me. I understand people sacrificing themselves for you. I understand being tortured, I understand the nightmares, the guilt, the anger at the whole damn world for doing this to you. I saw so much pain and horror on that island and they weren't even demons. Men are just as evil as demons. It was men, just men that killed 503 people in this city to get vengeance for a wrong that had been done to them. You're not becoming a demon because you want to get revenge, because you want blood. That's human. I will tell you something else I understand that you aren't seeing. " Oliver started getting ready for a fight. He knew what he said next was going to trigger Sam. He had to see how Sam dealt with it. "Dean is in hell, he is being brutally tortured as we speak correct?" Oliver saw Sam's shoulders tighten up and the beer can in his hand started to get crushed as Sam clenched his fist around it.

"Yes he is." Sam grated out between his teeth.

" I know if I was a demon and I wanted to make Dean break. I wouldn't cut him, I wouldn't burn him, or disembowel him. It's much easier than that. I would just show him you, right now. Surrounded by beer cans wanting someone to kill you. Dean would probably ask for the knife and start in on anyone around him.. After all he failed to save you so what does it matter. " Sam's body convulsed like he had been electrocuted and he came at Oliver full force.

"FUCK YOU OLIVER!" were the only coherent words that made it out of Sam's mouth. The rest was screaming, soul rendering, screaming and he aimed right for Oliver's injured shoulder. He connected with a full force blow and pain shot through Oliver. He forced the pain away, let the blow knock him over and rolled away from Sam in an attempt to get some space between them. Sam wasn't having that. He grabbed Oliver's leg and started to pull him closer. Oliver kicked out with the other leg and nailed Sam in the arm hard enough to make his hand release out of reflex. Oliver got back on his feet and started to fight. There was no way he was just going to take shots, Sam was sober enough to fight well along with being enraged. There would be no passing out in 10 minutes like when he took out his anger on Diggle in the hotel room the night they found him. Sam wanted to kill him. It was in his eyes.

The fight started in earnest, Sam wasn't blindly throwing punches anymore either. He was hunting Oliver, he was moving fast and employing everything Oliver had shown him earlier that day. Oliver was slowed because of the injury and the blood loss so he resorted to dirty tricks. He kicked Sam's legs out from under him, Sam rolled back to his feet and kicked at Oliver who had misjudged the distance between them. Sam's kick landed on Oliver's chest and cracked a rib. That did it. Oliver let more of his feral side out, ignored the pain and landed a flying kick on Sam's face. Sam got his hands up fast enough to keep from getting knocked out but he flew back and landed on his back. Oliver closed the distance and nailed Sam in the ribs and the stomach and danced out of the way.

"Get up Sam. You're weak. If you had control you would have killed me by now. No wonder you and Dean have so many scars. You want me to end you. Fine I will but at least make it a challenge. "

Sam stood up "Funny how you're such a great fighter now. Less than two hours ago you were pinned to a wall with your own damn arrow. You wouldn't last a week on the road with Dean and I. Your whole no kill policy is pointless. What happens when Diggle and Felicity aren't around to save you? "

"I survived without back up before. I can do it again if need be. You however, you can't. The slightest thing reminds you of something and you snap. That will kill you in the end. " Sam launched another kick at Oliver who dodged it but Sam stole one of Oliver's moves. He followed the kick through and used the momentum to and step forward to close on Oliver and try to land a punch full on Oliver's face. Oliver saw it coming but the punch was coming on his injured shoulder side and he couldn't block it. As he tried to duck he lost his footing on a rock that turned over in the dirt. Sam saw the momentary loss of balance and just ran right into Oliver, tackling him and riding him right down onto the ground. Once Oliver was pinned he was in desperate straights. He only had one arm to block with and Sam started hammering at his head.

He heard footsteps from behind Sam and saw Felicity, her mouth wide open in shock and horror.

'OLIVER, SAM STOP!" she screamed. Sam twisted around with a rock he had grabbed that he was going to start beating Oliver with, saw her, snarled and threw the rock full strength at her. Oliver saw her throw her hands up, heard her cry out and then fall unconscious to the ground. Sam's twisting to look at Felicity had freed him up enough to move, and move he did.

The next thing Sam knew there were two immensely strong hands around his head and neck, twisting his neck just to the point of breaking. He heard Oliver's cold, cold voice in his ear.

"Move one muscle Sam and I will grant your wish to die. I'll take whatever rage or loss of trust that will cause with Felicity. So, if you want to die here's your chance. Choose quickly. She's bleeding over there and I am finding myself less and less interested in leaving you alive. "

Sam slowly relaxed.. He saw Dean's face again asking him why, why had he wasted the sacrifice he had made for Sam.

"Go to her. I won't move from this spot. " he said in a whisper. Oliver released him, fighting down the urge to kill Sam for attacking Felicity. He ran over to her. Her face was bleeding and so were her hands. She was still breathing. It looked like she got her hands up fast enough to deflect much of the rock. Oliver looked around for the rock and found it. It had jagged edges on it and they had cut deeply into her forehead as it flew by. Oliver ripped off his shirt, ripped it up and made a makeshift bandage around her head to try and staunch the blood flow. He snarled at himself, how had she gotten here? Why the hell hadn't Dig stopped her. He looked up and saw Dig's car. What the hell? He grabbed his phone and called Dig.

"Oliver what's up?"

"How the fuck did Felicity get your car?" Oliver snapped

'What? She said she was going to work on computer stuff, I went and watched some TV in another room. Why?" Dig asked

"She's where Sam and I are. We were having a heated conversation she came out from behind us and Sam threw a rock at her. Her head is bleeding. I'm bringing her back right now. " he hung up the phone. How the hell had she gotten Dig's keys? That didn't matter now. He shot a glare at Sam.

"You stay. You're not welcome in that house until I say otherwise. I came out here because Felicity begged me to. Once I heard you had been drinking again I figured you were a lost cause. She told me you were worth saving, she swore an oath that if I killed you or didn't help you she would leave. You knew it was her, you heard her voice, she called your name. You knew it was her and you threw that rock anyway. You're not a demon Sam. You've just given into your hate. "

Felicity started to speak " Oliver, no. We need to help him please." he didn't know if she was coherent or if Sam was just that much on her mind. He saw Sam stiffen in response to her words. He brushed some hair out of her face.

"For you, I will make one more try but it is up to him." Oliver whispered to her. He kept his eyes on her but he spoke to Sam.

"If you want to learn control and work through this, I will give you one more chance. If you come back to the house I will teach you. If you show up and survive the teachings the one you will have to thank is her. If you leave I will tell her you chose to give up." Then he picked her up gently and took her to the car, slid her into the seat and drove back to the house.


	12. Chapter 12 Preparations

Chapter 12

Oliver had to consciously focus on driving much slower than he wanted to. He didn't want to toss Felicity around going around corners. His jaw started aching from the amount of rage he was holding back, all his muscles were wound tight and some actually started twitching in a subconscious desire to move and strike out at something. All of his protective instincts were telling him to go back and kill Sam for hurting Felicity. He pulled up to the house and carried Felicity to the house to get a better look at her wounds. Diggle met him at the door to hold it open. As soon as Diggle saw Felicity his free hand clenched into a fist.

"Sam did that?" Dig snarled

"Yes." Oliver carried her to the couch, sat her down and Diggle went and got the few remaining non blood stained towels, got them wet and took them to Oliver.

"Where is he? " Dig asked

"The turn out about 4 miles down the road. He was surrounded with beer cans when I found him. I pushed him to bring the rage out. For some insane reason Felicity decided to show up and try to stop us. He was about to start bashing my head in with a rock, she saw it yelled at us to stop. He turned around, looked straight at her and threw it at her instead." Oliver's voice had dropped a few pitches into a deep growl.

"Is he still alive?"

'Yes. When he turned and threw the rock I got out from under him, grabbed his head and pushed his neck to the edge of breaking. He came back to himself at that point. My concern was her. When I saw that he was drinking again I pretty much wrote him off but she started speaking and told me to help him. I gave him one more chance. If he shows his face around here again and asks for help I'll help him, if he leaves I will tell her he chose to give up. " As they talked Oliver cleaned the wounds. She had two deep gashes that were still bleeding and the whole side of her face was already bruising. He felt swelling around the gashes. She could have a skull fracture or worse. He closed his eyes to try to get a handle on the rage.  
"Dig, we need to get her to Starling General Hospital. She needs xrays. " He looked at Dig whose face matched and mirrored his own rage.

"You take the car. " He continued, "I'll take the bike and get there before you, throw my name around and get things rolling before you get there. I am not in the mood to deal with red tape or waiting rooms. " Oliver said and started to walk to where he had left his helmet and the keys for the bike.

"Oliver. You sure?" Although Dig was as angry as Oliver. He knew that Oliver's emotions were already unstable from the fight earlier, the decision he had to make regarding Sam and now this. The look that was on Oliver's face when he turned back to look at him made Diggle take a step back. There was no way to describe what was there. The closest thing Dig could think of was the looks he had seen on female big cats or wolves when they were fighting to protect their young. That utter rage, desperation and resolve to protect their family, that was what he saw on Oliver's face. Sam had attacked family. Dig knew that the only reason Sam was still breathing was because Oliver had given his word to Felicity to not kill him. "Never mind. Just don't get yourself killed. " Dig said. Oliver gave him a terse nod, slammed the helmet down on his head and ran to the bike, gunned the engine and peeled out down the driveway. Dig bandaged up the gashes to try to help stop the bleeding, picked up Felicity and carried her back to the car. Then he headed to the hospital.

Sam heard the bike go by and the car followed a few minutes later. They must be taking her to the hospital. After Oliver had left he had sat there in a state of shock. Had he just thrown a rock at Felicity? Why had he done that?  
"Because you wanted to Sammy. Feels good don't it? " Sam whirled around and saw Dean leaning against the Impala drinking a beer. "You know, the more you fight it the better it feels in the end. Look." Dean gestured towards the lake and three filmy images appeared. His mom, Jessica and Felicity were bound to metal tables, all three were dressed in white and looking terrified. Blood appeared on the stomach of his mom and Jessica and they started screaming. Felicity started to struggle. " Sam stop him. You need to stop him!' She screamed at him. Dean looked back at Sam, his eyes were black and he held the Colt out to Sam.

"So what will it be? Kill me, join me or kill yourself. " Dean started laughing as he walked towards Felicity a knife had appeared in his hand. The image wavered, disappeared and Sam was alone again. Sam started shaking but he had run out of emotions to feel. Why was he seeing Dean? Had Dean already cracked? Was he just completely nuts? Felicity…. What had Oliver said? That the only reason he had come was because she had made him. Sam stood up, he had to know the full extent of her wounds. He couldn't make any decisions until then. If she was in bad shape or dead, he knew Oliver would come for him. Sam would save him the trouble and join his brother in hell. If he had seriously hurt or even killed her he didn't deserve redemption. He got into the Impala and headed out to follow the others to the hospital.

Oliver got to the Emergency Room in record time. He narrowly avoided several large trucks and blew through a bunch of yellow lights, cut down a few alleys and debated on driving down a sidewalk but changed his mind at the last minute. He walked in and several people turned, looked at him and quickly turned away. He saw his reflection a mirror on the wall and understood why, anger radiated off of him, the set of his shoulders, his stance, his eyes were like ice. Normally he would care, right now he didn't.

"Hello, I'm Oliver Queen, my personal assistant was attacked in a parking lot. My driver is bringing her in. She has head trauma and will need Xrays. What is the fastest way to get this done? I'll pay cash so don't ask me to fill out insurance forms. They will be here within 10-15 minutes. " He told the nurse at the desk.

"Oh, Mr. Queen. I still need to get her personal information from you or her. Then we will get her back as soon as we can."

"Fine, get to whatever screen you need to. I'll tell you her information right now. Also, as soon as you can had better mean immediately. I assume I won't have to remind you how much money my family donates to this establishment every year. " He said in a barely controlled tone of voice.

"Sir , we have to prioritize patients. " The nurse's tone got sharper. She had been working here a long time and was not about to let some rich jackass tell her her job.

"Anna," he read off her nametag. " Most of the time I do not name drop or throw my weight around. Nor do I usually go about threatening people who are just doing their job. I know Xrays take at the most ½ an hour to do,. You can either handle the scheduling yourself or I will call Cynthia Mahoney who is the director of this hospital and have her schedule it. I have her number on my phone. Which do you prefer?" he didn't have the phone number but he knew his mother did. She had held several benefits for the hospital over the years.

He saw Anna's eyes narrow, then someone came up behind her and spoke "Mr Queen. I'm Karly, the night supervisor. We will fit your assistant in for xrays immediately. Please understand though that if any procedures are required beyond that she will have to wait a bit. We will give her the best care we can though. " Karly had dark brown eyes, long black hair that was tied back and there was absolutely no give in her Oliver could tell. She had compromised as much as she could to help him.

"Karly, that will be fine. I don't want to compromise the care of anyone else here. I just want to see if she has skull fractures and get her safe. Thank you for understanding that." He gave all of Felicity's information to Anna who seemed a bit unnerved that he knew her social security number, address and date of birth off the top of his head. He turned on his heel as the doors opened but it wasn't Diggle yet. Oliver called Dig

"ETA? " was all he said when Dig answered

" 5 minutes. "

"She will be taken back for xrays immediately. Anything else she will have to wait a bit for which is fine. "

"Understood. She's still unconscious. I bandaged the cuts to stop the bleeding. " Dig said

"Fine. See you in 5. " Oliver hung up the phone and started pacing in a corner of the lobby. The doors opened a few minutes late and Dig walked in carrying Felicity. Karly had had a gurney on standby and they wheeled her back to the xray room. Oliver felt the disgusted stares of the other people in the lobby on his back, if they only understood how much he did for them all. He shook his head and went through the doors behind the gurney and Dig.

"You'll have to wait here Mr. Queen. " The nurses told him. He and Dig did as they were told and waited right outside the doors. to the Xray room. Felicity's bruising had become worse and it seemed to Oliver that her head was more swollen than before. He started pacing again. He couldn't keep still.

"She'll be ok Oliver. It looks like her hands took most of the hit. I checked them too. The fingers are torn up but I don't think anything was broken. I think his aim was off. " Dig said. At the mention of Sam's aim Oliver almost struck the wall, fortunately his was trying to use his injured arm and the pain stopped him mid swing. Dig stepped up next to him and spoke softly.

"Go outside, calm down. You're scaring the people here. They're going to think you hit her if you keep this up. I'll text you when they come out with the results. "

"You're probably right." Oliver turned, kept his head lowered a bit so he didn't scare more people walked through the lobby, out the doors and into the parking lot. As soon as he got outside he saw the Impala parked. Sam was sitting in it and watching the door to the lobby. He saw Oliver and didn't move. Sam was the last person Oliver needed to see, he was halfway to the Impala before he realized what he was doing. Sam still hadn't moved a muscle. Oliver remembered what Felicity had said, that they needed to help him. Sam had come here because he cared about Felicity, he felt guilty for what he had done. Oliver forced himself to think instead of feel for a second. He could have just left, if he was that far gone he could have left. Oliver told himself that over and over. He pointed a finger at Sam and then at a dark alley on the side of the building, he turned and walked to the alley.

Sam figured that Oliver wasn't going to kill him in the alley, although he wouldn't blame him. He got out of the Impala and followed Oliver. He had just gotten into the shadows when he was shoved into a wall and a knife was at his throat. He could have misjudged Oliver.

"Explain yourself." Oliver said.

Sam realized at that instant that of all the dangerous things he and Dean had hunted, in this moment Oliver was the most deadly thing he had ever encountered. The knife wasn't shaking, Oliver's tone of voice was completely controlled. The only thing keeping that knife blade from severing his throat was Oliver's word to Felicity that he wouldn't kill Sam.

"For which action? Why I threw the rock or why I am here."

"Both."

"I am here because my actions put her here. I know my future hangs in the balance. I could have left and made you hunt me down if my actions caused her permanent harm. I won't do that. If she dies or is in someway permanently harmed I'll take whatever is coming. I won't run from you or myself anymore. I threw the rock because at that moment I wanted to hurt someone. She interrupted the beating I was giving you so she became a target. I won't make excuses. I'm out of control and I accept that now." Sam said, not moving a muscle. Oliver heard in Sam's tone the depth of resolve he had. Sam was finally thinking and not feeling. It was a start.

"What did you do with the alcohol?"

"I left it. Something happened after you left that made me realize how far gone I am. If I don't get this under control and let it control me it will just get worse." Sam felt the knife press harder into his throat.

"You are aware the only reason you are breathing is because I gave my word to Felicity correct?" Oliver asked,.

"Yes."

"Do you want me to help you?"

"Yes."

"Understand this. If you do not learn control by the end of this or you get worse I will put you down like a rabid dog myself. I know what you can become if you do not learn control. That knowledge means that any and all harm you do will be on my hands as well. Understand also that you will not be able to hide from me. If I have to hunt you down the only indication of my presence will be the arrow sticking through your throat. I'll make sure to turn around before you stop breathing so I can tell Felicity that the last time I saw you you were alive. " Oliver had leaned in and was staring directly into Sam's eyes. Sam saw nothing but ice and death in them as he spoke.

"I understand and accept those terms. " Sam replied. The knife blade came off his throat.

"You can join Diggle and I while we wait for results on Felicity. I want you to see the damage you caused." Oliver released Sam completely and walked back into the lobby. As Sam rubbed his neck where the knife had been and followed Oliver he started to wonder just what Oliver was going to do to teach him control. He had a feeling it was going to involve a lot of pain.

They made it back to where Diggle was waiting.

"Oliver I was..." he broke off when he saw Sam. "Why is he here?" Dig asked flatly.

"We clarified some things. I'll fill you in later. " Oliver replied. Sam chose to stand as far away from both men as possible. " Dig shot a vicious glare at Sam and then turned his back towards him to talk to Oliver. "I was going to text you. She has a minor skull fracture and probably a concussion. The fracture shouldn't develop into anything serious but they want to keep her here overnight just to make sure. More than likely she caught most of the impact with the palms of her hands which saved her. Her palms are bruised from the impact. The top of the rock probably scraped along her face causing the gashes and the fracture. There's bruising around her nose too probably from her glasses being driven hard into her face. She's lucky. " As he finished they rolled Felicity out and Sam saw the full extent of what he had done.

The whole left side of her face was purple and black and was swollen. There was bruising on both sides of her nose from where the bridge of her glasses had been slammed into her face. She had bandages on two gashes on her temple. They had shaved off some of her hair by the cuts to clean them . One hand was palm up. The palm was starting to bruise and he could still see impact points from the uneven surface of the rock. There were several points where the impact had been so hard that the rock had pierced the skin. Sam's heart dropped, sickened by what he had done he sank down into a chair. As she was wheeled out of his sight he dropped his face into his hands and slumped down.

Oliver kept himself from looking at Felicity as that would just push him farther over his own emotional edge. He would go to her in a minute. He kept his eyes on Sam. Oliver saw the realizations finally hit Sam as to how dangerous he could be if he didn't get a grip on himself.. Sam was pushing past his personal pain finally.

"Sam, go back to the lobby or wait in your car. When she wakes up I'll let you know." Oliver and Dig didn't want Sam anywhere near her right now. Sam nodded and slowly walked to the Impala. He needed to be alone. If Felicity had been a little slower on protecting her face her skull probably would have been crushed. She may not have died but she would probably have had brain damage of some kind or other. He remembered her listening to him, letting him pour his whole soul out without a single judgemental word and this is how he repaid her. Whatever trials Oliver was going to put him through he would accept them and learn control. For her sake and for his own. As he sat in the Impala he started going through memories. Memories of those he loved that had been hurt or killed, he looked at them, felt the loss and the pain over and over. He had to get used to this. He started with Jessica and his Dad, they were easier. After awhile he could think about Jess without getting angry, he was still sad of course but it wasn't as biting and painful. Then he took a deep breath and started with Dean.

"Thinking about me are you? You know I hate chick flick moments"

Sam turned and looked at the image of his brother. Dean's eyes were normal but that didn't mean anything. "Every time you show up you're in or near this car. Do I need to salt and burn the Impala so you get some rest?" Sam asked.

"Don't you fucking dare!" Dean snapped.

"Why are you here? Is this just some weird hallucination. Are you visiting me from hell? What? "

"I'm here because you need me here. You won't let me go. Between you, me and Baby here we can just about reach each other anywhere. " Dean said. "Sam, you know how powerful emotions can be. Look at all the spirits that we have dealt with. Unfinished business keeps them around. I'd say you and I rank high on the unfinished business spectrum. I'm still in hell, I'm holding on ok for now. "

"Dean, what was with the demon-Dean appearance? " Sam asked, his tone hushed. That scene had made him accept that one day he would have to face up to having to kill Dean to save him and made him realize how little control he actually had.

"We all have dark sides." Dean's voice was very quiet and almost scared. "You got to see yours and mine decided to come play. Remember the point of hell. I'm holding on but you have to fight too. If you give in, I won't be able to keep fighting either. Look, I feel it when you get darker and darker. I feel your anger and your rage. There's some weird connection between us. If you lose it I won't be far behind. Help me , Sam. You can't get me out of here but you can help me stay human for awhile longer. " Dean's eyes focused on something in the distance instead of Sam. "Oh shit. " Then he looked directly at Sam, his eyes were filled with fear. Dean reached out and held Sam close, it seemed that Dean was putting everything he could into becoming solid just long enough for this moment. Sam's arms flew around his brother and he held him with every bit of strength he had. "I hate to say this to you, because I know how it feels. If you see me, the real me, not this weird spirit me and my eyes are black. Please, please kill me. Don't leave me like that. " then he screamed in pain. His next words came out in between jerky pain filled breaths. "Keep fighting it Sam. " then the image wavered and faded.

A week ago that would have brought Sam to tears, two days ago if he had seen Dean he would have lost himself in anger. Today however he couldn't cry, he couldn't be angry. The only thing Sam could do, would do was fight. He went through memories of him and Dean and each memory he looked at he made sure he felt every single emotion. Whether it was joy, frustration, anger, were all equally important. He had put one hand on the pendant that Dean had worn for so long, the other on the dash of the Impala and focused everything he had on the memories. He wanted to flood Dean with those emotions, those memories, those things that keep you human. Hopefully Dean would feel them through whatever physical pain they were inflicting on him. Hell had no idea how stubborn a Winchester could be. He and Dean were going to show them.

Oliver and Diggle sat in Felicity's room. She was still unconscious. Dig looked at Oliver

"Sam?"

"He's thinking not feeling finally. He told me that he threw the rock because at that moment he wanted to hurt someone, she interfered with him hurting me so became a target. He accepted responsibility for it, no excuses. Then he said that he could have left and run away from both himself and me but he chose to come here. He accepted the fact that it was entirely likely that if things were worse with her than they are he would be visiting his brother much sooner than anticipated. I told him I would help him but if he was not better, or tried to leave, or was worse than I would stop things permanently before they got further out of hand. He accepted those conditions. " Since they were in a hospital Oliver couldn't come right out and say that he was going to kill Sam if need be. You never know when someone would walk into a room. Diggle got the idea though.

"Your plan? " Diggle was still angry at Sam and every time he looked at Felicity he wanted to kill him himself.

"I am going to put him on his very own island. We will see if he survives it."

"Need help?" Dig asked.

"No. My turn. " Oliver replied. Diggle nodded. Felicity started to move and they moved over to her bedside.

"Felicity? Can you hear me? " Oliver reached out and gently touched the non bruised side of her face.

"Oliver? Ow, my head. What happened? " She tried to open her eyes. The left one was swollen shut but the right opened. "I can't see! Where are my glasses? " she started to try to sit up.

"Whoa lay back down. What do you mean you can't see?" Oliver was worried there was swelling in the brain causing vision impairment.

"You're all blurry and my left eye won't open. " Diggle handed her the glasses. Since they were plastic frames they weren't even bent out of shape.

'Here you go. " Dig said "Careful the left side of your face is swollen."

She slid them down far enough and things were more in focus.

"Wait, Sam threw a rock at me. Oh God, is he ok? You didn't hurt him did you?" she said

"No, he's fine." Oliver said. She shot him a suspicious look. "I'm not lying this time. He's as sane as possible, he's in the parking lot. "

"God my head hurts so much. " She touched the swollen part of her face and winced. "Am I ok?"

"A minor skull fracture and possible concussion." Diggle replied.

"Oh." Felicity started to process what had happened to her. She knew how angry Diggle and Oliver would have been. She needed to explain things and hopefully get them less angry at Sam. It was her own fault for being there. " Dig, I owe you an apology. After you went to watch TV I sort of took your keys. I was so worried that those two would fight or get injured. I just wanted Sam to come back to the house and try to talk things out. I should have stayed at the house. It's my fault I got hurt. "

"It's not entirely your fault." Oliver said. "Sam knew you were there. He chose to do what he did because he wanted to cause pain. You interrupted us and became a target. He told me that. " He leaned back a bit. "Look, I know how we are handling things with him seems rough or violent. That we are pushing him too much and making him snap when he otherwise seems fine. I know you're worried about him. You said it yourself. We carry a lot in us, sometimes the only way to work through it is to get violent. That's one reason Dig and I work out so much. It helps keep things in check for us. Sam's been pushing things down for so long, not dealing with them really in anyway. When Dean was alive the two of them probably vented on each other plus they had a lot of violence just doing what they do. That helped them push it all away. Without Dean, he has no stabilizing force. He hasn't been able to let everything out, he needed to come at me or someone with something. It's only when you hit that point where your rage pushes you to do something horrible that you can decide the path you take. You can give into it or you can fight it. He followed us here because he is going to accept responsibility and try to fight through this. As I promised you I will help him. "

Felicity had been watching Oliver as he spoke. She was getting better at reading his body language and she saw that his muscles were unclenching, his eyes were clearing a bit. When she had first looked at him there had been such anger there. She looked at Dig and saw he was going through a similar process. She knew right then that the only reason Sam was breathing was because of the oath she had sworn to Oliver and Oliver promising her that he wouldn't kill Sam.

"Oli, don't hate him please. I don't know what you are going to have to become to teach him control but please remember he is hurting as much as you guys have at points in your life. As much as you still do when people die or get hurt that you care about. I need to talk to him." she wanted to make sure Sam wasn't feeling guilty.

She saw Oliver and Diggle exchange glances. Dig stood up and walked out to get Sam. Oliver looked at Felicity.

"I don't hate him. I understand him, I know him. I know the path he is on. Because of that I know just how dangerous he can be. If I were to hate him, I would have to hate myself. I'll do what I can, but it is ultimately his choice. You need to understand that. " Oliver said in a quiet voice.

"He doesn't want to be a monster Oliver, no more than you or Diggle do. " Felicity's voice was firm in her conviction. Oliver just shook his head. There was no way she could completely understand.

"No one ever does. Sometimes they just end up there" Sam said as he entered the room. He walked around to the opposite side of the bed from Oliver. "I am so sorry. I won't say I didn't mean to, at the time I wanted to just make someone hurt. You happened to be that person. "

"Well next time I see you about to bash Oliver with a rock I'll be sure to be behind something when I tell you to stop. " She tried to smile but it hurt too much. "I shouldn't have been there. I was worried about the both of you. You're going to let Oliver help you?" She asked

"Yes." he didn't feel he should include what he figured Oliver was going to do to do that.

She looked back and forth between the two of them. She was afraid for both of them.

"Both of you had better come back from whatever it is you have to do in one piece and sane. I won't accept anything else." She reached her bruised hands out, Sam held one hand, Oliver the other. The two men looked at each other, Oliver saw a shift had taken place in Sam. He may actually be ready for this.

"Be careful please. " Then she let go of their hands, took off her glasses and laid back down.

"I'll get them to bring you some pain meds." Oliver said. He motioned for Sam to follow him. Diggle stayed with Felicity.

"You have all day tomorrow to prepare for this. I would suggest getting as much sleep as you can now. You won't be once we start. I'll pick you up from the Lake House the following morning. Tell Diggle to come out here for a minute. Go sit with her." Sam did as he was told.

"Walk with me. " He told Dig. They made it outside and found an empty little courtyard. Oliver sat down on the bench. " Dig, I am taking Sam out into the forest for a few days. I have to go scout the area. I haven't been out there in years. I'll grab him some minimal camping supplies. I need to leave now though. Please stay with her until we're through. "

"Ok. Do I need to know the details?" When Oliver looked up at him, he saw the shift in personality and all of a sudden he realized he didn't really want to know. Oliver was going to put Sam through a version of what he had been through in 5 years on the island, except this time he was going to be the hunter, not the hunted.

"There's only one detail that will matter. If Sam survives or not. Text me when they let her go home. Do not take her to the Lake house whatever you do. Take her to her place please. " Once Oliver started this he didn't want her anywhere near him or Sam.

"Understood. Oliver….don't lose yourself while you're trying to save him. " Dig stood up and walked back to the hospital.


	13. Chapter 13 To Howl with the Wolves

Chapter 13

Oliver picked up a small one man tent, some minimal snacks, 4 gallons of water, a camelbak and water purification tablets for Sam, He bought himself some MREs, a small camp stove and another camelback for him and more purification tablets for himself. He wasn't going to let Sam starve but Sam didn't need to know that. He also bought matches . Then he went to the Lake House and printed out a topographical map of the the region around the house. He found an area by the turnoff Sam had been at that would work for what he had in mind. There were several valleys and hills but nothing too steep. Sam was in shape but Oliver doubted he was in mountain shape. Oliver changed out of the jeans into the pants from his vigilante suit, put on a t shirt and headed out. He was going to have to wash and patch the top before he went back out on a patrol in the city. As he scouted the area he found plenty of areas that where he could lay traps for Sam, ambush points and places to set up camps. About 8 miles in there was a meadow, that was where he was going to tell Sam he had to go. 8 miles may not seem like a long trip but if you're not used to wilderness and being constantly hunted it will take you quite awhile to get there. Halfway through the scouting trip Oliver took his boots off. They were hindering his movement too much. The longer he had been out in the wilderness the more and more alert he had become. He was hearing birds move 50 feet away, catching movement from squirrels and other rodents even in the shadows. His injured shoulder was going to cause some issues aiming the bow but he had shot injured before he could do it again. He found places to lay snares for small animals like rabbits. For the first time since he had been back from the island he felt an odd sense of peace. There were no threats here, no people he had to hide from, no lies he had to tell. It was just him and the forest around him. He moved through it like he was born to it. He left no trace, nothing heard him he just ghosted through the trees, a deadly predator out on a Sunday stroll.

Soon he would be hunting Sam. He caught himself getting excited at the thought and immediately stopped moving. Why was he excited? Was it the thrill of the hunt or anger at Sam for hurting family? He had to get a handle on his emotions if he was going to teach Sam anything. When he was out on a job in the City his mind was filled with the driving need to save people. Everything happened either too fast or too slow. It wasn't a hunt. He was always reacting to situations not proactively approaching them. This was different. He was going to be stalking Sam, controlling his routes, setting traps, forcing someone else to react to him. This was his world and he controlled it. That was the rush of excitement and that was dangerous. That need to control and cause pain, that could lead down the path that Fires and Ivo had been on. The exact path he was trying to save Sam from.

"Careful Oliver. Careful" he told himself. Diggle hadn't been wrong to warn him to not lose himself. He sat down on the loamy ground and just took in the feel of the forest. As he dug his fingers in the dirt, feeling the life around him his heart rate dropped, he became more centered and focused. He was going to be dancing on the edge of madness the next two or three days. He had to get Sam to start acting like a predator without becoming a monster. Sam was always losing control because he was reacting emotionally to stimulus. Prey animals react, they don't plan hunts, they don't track , they don't control anything. Sam was reacting like a prey animal with the emotions of a predator. The drive to hurt, to maim, to kill. That was the predatory side. To survive you have to harness the emotions, control them and use them to get your through the pain. Not let them use you. To do all that though Oliver had to become the ultimate predator. Sam had to believe Oliver would kill him if he failed, or else he wouldn't fight. For Sam to believe that Oliver had to show it. Oliver took a deep breath, both he and Sam could come out broken on the other side of this. He needed something to focus on while he was doing this. He had an idea. He headed back to where he and Sam had fought. It took about an hour or so but once he got there he started looking on the ground. He found the bloodied rock within minutes of getting there. He picked it up and tucked it in his bag. That rock would serve as an anchor for him. It would remind him what the cost of losing himself could be.

He went back up to the Lake House, took a shower and heard Sam drive up. He thought he would be staying the night at the hospital. The front door opened and he heard Sam make his way to the media room. Oliver pulled on a pair of sweats and walked silently down the hall. Sam was sitting in the chair that Felicity had used and was staring at all the computer equipment. His eyes weren't focusing on anything though. Oliver turned away, he couldn't talk to Sam right now. He picked up his clothes and the rock went out the front door and took his bike back to the mansion. He would sleep there tonight.

Sam had heard Oliver leave. He had planned to stay longer at the hospital but once Felicity fell asleep Diggle had steadfastly ignored him. He decided it was best to get out of everyone's way. Not knowing what Oliver had in store for him was the worst part. After an hour or two staring blankly at the computer screens he decided to get something to eat and maybe pack some food to go in case Oliver decided to take him out in the middle of nowhere. He ate, prepped some food and went to sleep. Emotionally, mentally and physically Sam was exhausted.

He woke up to the feeling of something dangerous watching him, instinctively he reached for a gun under his pillow. There wasn't one, he hadn't been sleeping with one under his pillow since he had gotten here. He hadn't woken up spooked like that since Oliver had startled him out of a nightmare. He took a breath and sat up. Oliver was standing at his door. He had the hood on, a green shirt and the pants from his vigilante suit on.

"Get what you need, meet me at your car. " Oliver turned and Sam saw the bow and a full quiver on his back and at least one knife. Now Sam understood his reaction. Sam got dressed, grabbed the food he had made and met Oliver.

"You're driving, Go back to the turn off where we fought. " Oliver picked up what looked to be camping gear, opened the passenger door, put the gear in the backseat and got in. Sam got in the driver's side and they headed out. They pulled up to the same spot, Sam parked the car. They got out.

"Give me that necklace that you gave to Dean and the keys. " Oliver commanded. There was no request in his voice it was an order. Sam started to get angry but caught himself and handed the items over.

"Do you know how to read a topographical map? " Oliver asked him

"It's been awhile but yeah. " Sam answered

"OK. In that bag is a tent, 4 gallons of water, a camelback, some food, purification tablets and a map. There's a meadow about 8 miles in. That's your goal. You have two days to get there. If you get there within that time frame and you stay in control you get your items back. " Oliver said

"What if I don't? " Sam asked

"That's not an option for you. "Oliver replied.

Sam's fists clenched. "Alright" he looked down to pick up the bag. When he looked back Oliver was gone. He hadn't heard a thing. "Fuck. I am so out of my depth. " Sam said. Then he remembered Oliver had been shipwrecked on an island with less skills than he had. Not to mention no tent or food or water. Sam remembered some of the things Oliver had shared about the island. Sam turned to look into the forest and realized exactly what it was Oliver had in store for him. Sam felt a jolt of fear shoot through him. This was Oliver's world, Sam was going to be the hunted one. For the first time in his life Sam was completely alone in a life threatening situation. Well there was no way back now. He dug into the backpack and found the map. At least he had a decent sense of direction. It looked like the meadow was north around the lake. Sam picked what looked like to be the easiest route and started walking.

"At least he started in the right direction" Oliver thought. Oliver was ghosting along watching Sam. He already saw that Sam was going through his water too fast. It was a good thing Sam had brought some extra food at least that showed some forethought as to what could possibly be ahead for him. He gave Sam about an hour to get lulled into complacency then he attacked.

One minute Sam was walking along, the next he felt his legs get kicked out from under him, his face shoved into the dirt, a sharp pain on his hand, then a knife was pressed into the side of his neck. He heard Oliver say "Dead" . Then just like a ghost he was gone again. He looked down at his hand. Oliver had nicked it with the knife. A reminder. His heart was racing, his adrenaline kicked in belatedly telling him there was a threat and he looked around. He saw nothing except trees. An arrow flew out of somewhere and sliced into his arm.

"What the fuck Oliver?!" Sam was pissed. He whirled around in a circle looking for where the arrow had come from. He got struck low in the back, he twisted around again and Oliver's fist connected with his face. His head snapped back and he fell. When he came up from the hit spitting blood Oliver was nowhere to be seen. Shit, shit, shit. He stopped and took stock of his emotions. They were cascading again. " Control it Sam" he told himself. "Think, damn you think. "

Oliver watched him. He was forcing himself to think. Good.

Sam looked around again a bit slower.. He had made it easy for Oliver, he had been walking along the path of least resistance and not paying attention to what was around him. Ok. He looked at the map again. He knew Oliver was probably ghosting along beside him but he needed to try something. There was a couple of hilly spots coming up. He may be able to put some distance between him and Oliver and try to double back a bit. He put the map back in the bag and took off at a dead run towards the hills.

Oliver hadn't expected that. He smiled a bit darkly to himself. The game was on. Oliver took off on a parallel path in the trees. He figured Sam was going to try to hide and double back. He had already spotted some trees that were tall enough to look into the valley between the hills. He reached the tree and started climbing, reached the height he needed to be at. Sure enough he saw Sam's shadow. The hill hid Sam well enough but his shadow was just visible enough for Oliver to track him. Now the decision was did he let Sam think he had fooled him and give him some false hope or just humiliate him again. He went for the false hope option. He waited. Sam waited.

Sam waited about 5 minutes. He knew it was a dumb hope but maybe Oliver had lost track of him. He looked at the map again and decided to take a more indirect route to the meadow instead. He chose not to double back but headed northwest so he was swinging a bit wide of where he needed to go. It was a longer route but he thought maybe that would throw Oliver off.

Oliver saw Sam head northwest. He was thinking, good. Time to piss him off again. He smiled at himself. If Sam kept on this heading he'd hit one of Oliver's traps. He decided to wait a bit more. If Sam hit it he'd hear him. About 10 minutes later he heard cracking of branches and Sam scream in surprise. Well this would be interesting. There were several gullies that cut into the side of the hill from run off. Most ran north/south but a few intersected those on a mostly east/west path. There was a spot with a lot of overgrowth in trees that had concealed one of the gullies for the most part. The gully was about 5 feet deep and 3 feet across. Oliver had spent an hour or so arranging branches and such so that it looked solid enough. Sam was tall enough to hop out of the gulley as long as he hadn't broken anything in his fall. Oliver climbed down out of the tree and made his way to a spot where he could watch Sam.

"Fucking son of a bitch" Sam snarled. He had landed hard but fortunately hadn't sprained anything. He hadn't expected Oliver to lay traps for him too. He could easily get out of the gully but now Oliver knew for sure where he was. There went being sneaky. Sam started to push himself up and out of the gully when an arrow sliced by his other arm. He dropped down and ducked into the gully. Fuck Oliver was fast. The gully led both ways and he had to stay low and run along it to stay out of arrow range. That would work up to until Oliver decided to come punch him again. As he crouched and ran he came to a part where this gully intersected another, which ran the opposite direction he needed to go to get to the meadow. On an impulse he took that route. To the left there was a low spot that was covered by some branches. He could hop out of the gully and lay in wait for Oliver. Sam had no doubt Oliver could track him if need be.

Oliver had seen Sam crouch and run but hadn't followed him too close yet. In the dirt Sam's tracks would be easy to follow. He wanted to give Sam time to think of a plan to try to catch him off guard. He gave Sam about 15 minutes and started slowly making his way down the gully. He saw Sam's prints clear as day. As he turned down the intersecting gully he saw where Sam had hopped out of the gully. He stopped, there were a lot of options for Sam here. He could be laying in wait, he could have moved on or he could have doubled back. Oliver decided to take the easiest option, Sam was still angry even if he was controlling it and would want to get some payback for the cuts he had given him. He walked forward, sure enough he heard movement to his left. He threw himself forward in a roll, popped up and spun around almost directly into Sam's foot as it came flying at his face. Oliver leaned back and let the kick fly past him. He closed distance and tried to nail Sam in the chest, Sam got his hands up fast enough, blocked, sidestepped and shoved Oliver using his own momentum to shove him face first into the gully wall. Oliver ducked down, kicked a leg behind him, connected with Sam's front leg. Sam howled and dropped but not before he brought his fist down on Oliver's back. Oliver grunted, rolled out from under the hit, pushed himself up and over the gully wall to get high ground. He turned around and aimed his foot right at Sam's face. Sam narrowly avoided the kick. Sam hopped up and planted his arms on the top of the gully wall and came face to face with Oliver's knife.

"Better, but still dead. " Oliver shoved Sam's head full force back from the wall and Sam fell to the gully floor. He beat his fist into the ground in frustration. Oliver was just too damn good. If Dean had been here…he stopped that thought before it fully formed in his head. "Dean's not here. Suck it up and get used to it. " Sam told himself. Oliver had backed away about 10 ft from the gully edge. He wanted to see what Sam would do. He heard Sam's statement about Dean not being there. "He's learning." he thought to himself. He climbed up into a tree that overlooked the gully and watched Sam. He would have to start pushing Sam harder.

Sam climbed out of the gully and started back to the meadow. Oliver knew where he was so for now he would just have to try to be more alert for attacks. He walked until he came to a little hillock that gave him a view of the surrounding area. He stopped to get a drink from the camelback. There was still some water in it and two bottles in the backpack. As he was drinking he heard the unmistakable sound of an arrow flying. Before he had time to react he tube leading from his mouth to the pack had been sliced in half and Oliver came flying from somewhere and slammed his fists onto Sam's shoulder from behind.

Sam buckled under the blow, Oliver had just avoided breaking his collarbone. He tumbled off the rock and rolled out of the way of a bare foot that was coming towards his face. Oliver didn't let up, he landed a kick on Sam's ribs and another on his arm as Sam rolled. The fourth kick Sam caught Oliver's foot and pulled him in. Oliver hopped on the other foot towards Sam to maintain balance then using Sam's hand as a platform, levered off Sam's hand that was holding his foot and threw a kick into Sam's face. Oliver controlled his fall well enough to wrench his foot out of Sam's hand and roll away. Sam's anger turned hot, he pushed himself up off the ground and went full force to tackle Oliver who danced out of the way. Sam spun around and started trying to hit Oliver. Oliver seemed to slip around or block every punch. Finally Oliver tired of this, grabbed one of Sam's hands when he overextended his punch again and literally threw Sam to the ground. Sam felt his arm being wrenched behind him and pain shot through his shoulder and wrist.

"One. You're dead again. Two. If you weren't so angry you probably would have caught me with at least one of those blows. You're a better fighter than this. Three. Don't waste your water. Stopping before dark to get some purified will just be too easy of an opportunity for me to pass up. You're still weak Sam. It's getting harder for me to pass up an easy kill. " Oliver shoved Sam's face into the ground. Sam laid there for a few minutes replaying the fight in his head. He saw several opportunities that Oliver had given him that he didn't take advantage of. There were a few blocks that Sam could have gotten around if he had been thinking instead of just throwing punches. The one thing that stood out to him was that Oliver was running out here bare footed. As he sat up he started to think about what that meant. Oliver was that comfortable out here that he didn't want or need shoes. Shoes were one of the biggest things that divided "civilized" people from tribal people. Tribal cultures lived so in tune with the world around them that they became part of it. Oliver had become part of this forest Sam realized. He was as part of it as a mountain lion or wolf was. Sam realized that hearing Oliver approaching him was a fruitless thought. That would never happen. Sam had to try to outthink Oliver or at least stay rational enough that when Oliver and he fought he could land a hit or two. He looked at his watch and realized it would be dark soon. Oliver's words that he wouldn't let Sam stop to get water before dark got Sam moving. He had to get to the water before dark, set up in an area that was somewhat defensible. He'd leave the gear at night and move on while it was dark. It was a risk as Sam had no flashlight but he had to do something to get ahead of Oliver.

Oliver had ducked behind some trees and watched Sam gather his thoughts. It would have been so easy to finish him, an idle thought crossed his mind. All he would have had to do was move his bow a slight bit to one direction. Oliver caught himself. He reached into his bag and touched his hand to the rock. "Focus." he told himself. The last thing he said to Sam about it being harder to pass up an easy kill. He hadn't planned to say that. It had slipped out and as soon as he said it he realized he was edging closer to his own precipice.

He had taken his shoes off after the gully fight, they felt too bulky, too heavy, he felt his steps were too loud, he couldn't feel the ground or grip trees. They were getting in his way. After he had done that he had become even more acutely aware of every weakness Sam had. The hair in his face blocked his peripheral vision, he never looked up, his footsteps were too heavy, he rarely looked around, he didn't stop to listen at all. He always punched with the right hand first, his backpack rustled too much, his left leg was slower kicking than the right. He replayed the sparring sessions and the fights he had had with Sam in his mind, picking them apart and dissecting Sam's form. When he did, he realized how easy it would be to just totally destroy him. Where had this mindset gone since he had come back from the island? He had become blinded in Starling City, worried about too much, not focusing on his prey. Sloppy, sloppy Oliver. This was how it should be, him in control. He needed to stop caring about innocent lives and just kill those that threatened him. If he just looked at Starling City like an island, there were so many ways to take out large numbers of people. He just had to be proactive that's all.

"No!" he forcibly stopped his mind. His breathing had picked up. He looked around the tree, Sam had moved on. No matter, he could track him. He had to deal with himself right now. He pulled out the bloodied rock and remembered how Felicity looked laying in that hospital bed. He let the wave of anger and hate towards Sam flow into his awareness. Then he remembered how she had held both of their hands. Binding the two damaged men together with her resolve that they would make it through this and come out better in the end. The anger flowed out of him, pushed away by her faith in both of them. He would not fail her. He stood up and started following Sam's tracks. Night was coming soon. It was going to be a long one for both of them.

Oliver went to the location where he had stashed his gear. He had tracked Sam down and he was setting up camp by a small stream. Oliver set up camp downwind from Sam on hill that allowed him to look down into the little valley where Sam was. Oliver wasn't going to have any big fire so Sam wouldn't see him. It was a full moon and Oliver's night vision was more than capable of seeing movement from an object as large as Sam. Sam had waited till just before night fall to set up. Apparently he had taken Oliver's warning to heart.

Sam was hungry, he had a sandwich left and a granola bar. He had burned through his food too fast. He ate the sandwich and left the bar for breakfast.. He had plotted a course that would take him about a mile closer to the meadow over the night. He had purified some water and put it in the camelback so he was full up on that at least. If Oliver decided to attack during the night Sam's hope was to be out of this spot before he did. After about two hours Sam stood up, took his bag with the water and nothing else and headed out.

Oliver watched as Sam laid a few false trails by walking around the camp, heading out in several different directions, and walking circles around the area. If Oliver hadn't been awake it would have taken him quite awhile to figure all those tracks out. He nodded approval, Sam was getting there. He was thinking and getting used to not having backup. He had eaten his dehydrated food and was more than ready to start moving again. He stalked behind Sam. Sam's alertness had increased too. He was stopping to listen more, looking around at his surroundings. Oliver was actually going to have to work a bit now. Good, he'd been getting bored.

Sam wasn't going to assume that Oliver hadn't watched him. He was tired but he forced himself to be aware. Every little noise in the woods attracted his attention. Then he heard a wolf howl he stopped dead in his tracks and started shaking. Hellhounds, it sounded like a hellhound. Sam started breathing faster. Were they coming for him for some reason? No it was a wolf he told himself, it wasn't a hellhound. It howled again. Oh God, it was getting closer. He started whimpering.

Oliver watched. At first he didn't understand why Sam was panicking, then he remembered something he read about hellhounds and how they howled when they came for you. Sam was having a flashback. He wanted to run in and help him but Sam had to get through this on his own. Dogs howled, he couldn't be on a job somewhere and a dog howled and he lost it. Oliver crept closer, he would keep Sam safe though. If he started running he would make sure that he wouldn't get injured.

Sam's mind was shrieking at him to run. "I will not, it's a wolf." He screamed into the night. Still his adrenaline was through the roof, he couldn't catch his breath. He started hearing Dean screaming again. Clasping his hands to his ears he dropped to his knees. "That's not now, that was then. It's not coming for me. It's not. " He saw it in his mind again. That moment when he was useless to save Dean. He was staring at Dean's screaming face, blood spraying everywhere then it all froze. As he watched a super imposed image of Dean stood up and walked away from the image of Dean laying on the floor in pain, he walked over to the Sam and put his hand on Sam's shoulder then he felt a smaller hand on his other shoulder. It was his Mom.

"Sam get up." his Mom said

"Sam get up" Dean said.

Sam looked up at the two of them. Then his father walked up and stood next to his Mom. He put his arm around her and smiled.

"Sam get up. You made a life for yourself without Dean and I before. You fought for what you wanted your whole life. Remember? You were the one that got that scholarship, Dean and I sure as hell didn't help you with that. You are stronger than all of us. Don't stay stuck here, in this moment. Let it go. Let us go. We love you Sam. All of us do but you can't keep punishing yourself for our decisions. Let it go. " His father's hand rested on his head for a brief moment. Sam closed his eyes as for the first time in his life felt his whole family around him. He never knew his mother, he barely knew his father but in that moment he felt the love they all had for each other. Nothing, not even hell itself would ever break that. His dad's spirit had come back from hell to help them kill the demon that had killed his wife. Sam knew that if given the chance Dean would bust out of hell just like his father. Sam's job now was to give Dean that chance and to try to help his brother survive the pits of hell long enough to take advantage of it. He opened his eyes back up and stood. The hands fell away from him, he walked over to the image of Dean in pain, knelt down and said softly "Listen to me you stubborn son of bitch. You hold on and wait for my signal. It'll be fairly obvious.. Listen for all the demons screaming in fear of my wrath. Winchester's do not abandon family. " He stood up. The memory resumed, he heard Dean screaming as he was dragged out the door. He looked at the image of his brother that was standing in front of him. Dean smiled at him, that stubborn, smart ass smile he always wore when he was about to get into a fight. "Well Sam, time to raise a little hell. " Then he turned and faded away along with the images of his Mom and Dad.

Sam dropped his hands away from his ears. He heard another howl, then an answering from another wolf. Family calling to family. On a wild impulse he threw his head back and howled giving voice to his fierce emotions. His family was always with him. It didn't matter where they were. As his howl faded out he looked around and he sensed him. Oliver was out there.

"Attack me. " was all he said. Then he got into a fighting stance.

Oliver was stunned. He had seen Sam collapse onto his knees, then he began to glow white and red light danced around him as he kneeled there. Oliver remembered Shado and Yao Fei coming to aid him. Maybe Sam's family had somehow reached out to him. When Sam had finally stood up and howled with the wolves his whole being had shifted. No longer weak prey, Sam had become the predator he needed to be. He had accepted his losses, embraced the pain and come out the other side stronger. He had survived. Both of them knew that he needed to be tested though. Oliver couldn't hold back now. Setting down the bow and arrows. Oliver grabbed his knife, he allowed himself to shift into the hunter, he brought his own predator to the fore it was the only way this was going to work. He stalked closer to Sam, making no sound.

Sam didn't hear him but the atmosphere around him shifted, animals stopped moving on his right side. They were afraid of something. He turned right and met Oliver's blow. Not fast enough to stop the knife from slicing into his arm but it prevented serious damage. Neither of them made a sound.

Sam danced back from Oliver and launched a round kick at him. Oliver ducked the kick and aimed to take Sam's leg out. Sam flowed with the momentum of his kick and brought his back leg up aiming for Oliver's head. Oliver rolled by Sam and swiped at his calf. He connected, Sam felt the wound but ignored it. Oliver spun around in his crouch and stood up, aiming a knife strike straight up Sam's stomach. Sam's hands dropped, caught Oliver's hand and they locked in a contest of strength. Sam had the better angle, Oliver dropped onto his back and flipped Sam over him. Pushing his legs straight as Sam went over pushing Sam farther away from him and into a tree trunk. Oliver didn't give Sam a chance to recover, he was on him in a flash and nailed a kick into Sam's ribs, he felt one of them crack. Sam struck out at Oliver's knee and almost dislocated it. Oliver went down, Sam landed on top of him and grabbed the hand that Oliver was holding the knife in. He started pounding it on the ground to make Oliver release the knife. That was a bad move on Sam's part. Oliver got his legs around Sam's ribs and started to squeeze, He felt Sam's balance waiver as he tried to get a breath and he threw his hips to one side to knock Sam on the ground. Sam rolled, Oliver rolled with him and landed on top with the knife at Sam's throat. Oliver ripped his hood back and looked straight into Sam's face, he was snarling at him. He pushed the knife harder into Sam's throat. Sam launched a punch at Oliver's head, Oliver leaned back avoiding the punch and looked at Sam. Sam was in control, the rage was there but it wasn't controlling him. He was fighting to live, not out of a desire to destroy.

"This is what control is. Sam." Oliver snarled at him.

Sam saw the animal in Oliver's face, he saw the rage, the desire to kill but he saw that Oliver was controlling it.

"If you have control you survive. If you don't you die. Do you understand? " He let some of the pressure off the knife.

"Yes. I do. " Then Sam grabbed Oliver's knife hand in his left and hit him full force with the right. Oliver hunched his shoulder up and ducked but he couldn't quite avoid the blow. He fell heavily to the ground, his ears ringing. He didn't black out but it was close. Sam sat up and looked at Oliver who was breathing heavily. He watched as Oliver slowly sat up shaking his head. Sam waiting until Oliver was looking at him.

"Dead" was all Sam said. Then he laid back on the ground and took a deep breath. He felt sane again, he felt as whole as could be given the circumstances. A wolf howled and Sam smiled. They both laid there the rest of the night. They didn't speak, eventually they fell asleep. Morning came. Sam woke up and rolled over, everything hurt. He opened his eyes and saw the necklace and the keys for the car next to him along with a little camp stove and a dehydrated meal he could heat up. Oliver was gone.

Sam put the necklace back on, put the keys in his pocket and ate. It was one of the best meals he had ever had. He stood up, looked at his map and realized he was only about 2 miles from the car. He started walking.

Oliver had woken up about an hour before Sam did and walked out to the road and back to the Lake House. He had showered, he had a nasty bruise from the last punch Sam had given him. He smiled a bit at the thought of it. The smile didn't last though. He had let out something in that last fight that he had kept hidden for over a year now. It was going to take some time to get it under wraps again. He had learned something about himself last night and he wasn't sure he liked it. If he had fought with the super soldiers like he had fought with Sam the outcomes would have been different. This new threat was going to push his control. He had been holding back because he was afraid, afraid of losing what little bit of humanity he had saved on the island. He may not be able to be able to stop this new threat and keep his humanity intact. He shook his head, shoved the predator back down and got dressed. He had to go see Felicity. He had a text from Diggle saying she was home. He got ready to leave, then had a thought. He had put Sam's number in his phone, he texted him giving him Felicity's address. He knew Felicity would not relax until she saw Sam.

Oliver showed up at her condo and knocked on the door. Diggle opened it, he saw the bruise on Oliver's face and smirked. "Well at least you two match now. You're back early. What was the outcome?" Dig asked.

Oliver walked past him and spotted Felicity on the couch. Her eyes were filled with apprehension. He walked over to the couch and sat next to her

"Sam made it." Oliver told her. She threw her arms around him.

"Thank you! Are you ok? " She asked. She knew he had pushed himself in ways she couldn't comprehend.

"Yes I'm fine. I gave him your address. I am not sure if he will drop by or not but he is ok. You have my word. " Oliver said. Then he stood up. He needed some time alone. "I'm going to head out for a bit. I'll be back later." He started to walk out and his phone rang. It was the Thea.

'Hey Oli, there's a package here for you. It doesn't look club related. It came from an auto parts place. " Sam's window had arrived.

"Thanks Thea it's a gift for someone. " He looked at Felicity. "When you see Sam tell him his window is here." Then he left.

Sam showed up at the condo about 2 hours later. He knocked on the door and Felicity let him in. Diggle had headed to the club, picked up the window and brought it to her place. He figured that would be easier than sending Sam to the club. Then Felicity had told him to go home, she knew if he had been there when Sam was it would be awkward. She got the feeling that the the guys would never act the same around each other after this.

"Hi Sam. I'm so glad to see you. " She embraced him, he hugged her back. "Your car window is here. I saw Oliver, looks like you got a good hit on him. Good job. " She smiled a bit. Sam laughed a bit. She moved to the side and he walked into the condo. He looked good she thought. He seemed composed and controlled. Like how Oliver and Diggle usually were.

"It's good to see you too. I'm not staying long. I need to get moving again. I just wanted to say thank you. Which is entirely inadequate for how I feel. If it hadn't been for you making Oliver help me I wouldn't be here. I wish there was a way I could repay you. There's no way I can." He walked up to her and held her close and kissed her cheek. "Felicity you really were an angel for me. Tell Oliver something for me please. Tell him that he needs to howl with the wolves every once in awhile. He'll understand. Here, these belong to you. " He handed her the credit cards back. "It's time I stand on my own again." Then he picked up the window and left. Felicity sat down on the couch, tears fell down her face. It wasn't sadness it was relief. Sam would be ok. She'd miss him but he'd be ok.

As Sam pulled onto the road he was flipping radio stations. He heard a new song and it caught his attention.

" If I know one thing, that's true

It ain't what you say, it's what you do

And you don't say much, yeah, that's true

But I listen when you do

A thousand years go by

But love don't die

If I know one thing, that's true

It's that I'm never leaving you

And you don't say much, yeah, that's true

But I lose it when you do

Don't let them tell no lie

Love don't die

No matter where we go

Or even if we don't

And even if they try

They'll never take my body from your side

Love don't die

If there is one thing, that's true

It's not what I say, it's what I do

And I say too much, yeah, that's true

So just listen to what I do

A thousand years go by

But love don't die

No matter where we go

Or even if we don't

And even if they try

They'll never take my body from your side

Love don't die

She can break it up

She can burn it down

You can box it in

Bury it in the ground

You can close it off

And turn it away

Try to keep it down,

Six feet in the ground

But love don't die

No matter where we go

Or even if we don't

And even if they try

They'll never take my body from your side

Love don't die

No matter where we go

Or even if we don't

I'd like to watch them try

They'll never take my body from your side

Love don't die "

Later that night, Oliver was standing on a roof top. He thought about Sam's parting words to him. Perhaps Sam had a point. Wolves protected family, protected their home and were loyal to the end. They and he were kindred spirits. A mischievous grin crossed his face. He turned, faced the moon and howled. Then he jumped off the roof top and headed into his territory to protect his family.

* Lyrics are for "Love Don't Die" by The Fray


End file.
